Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2003, at 8:32:44
In reply to Re: Weighing the alternatives » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on July 12, 2003, at 19:23:31
Yeah, maybe I'll try to see if my internist or ob/gyn will check my hormones. It can't hurt, and my help.
I spoke to my pdoc yesterday about my level of productivity being unacceptable, and he responded with something like he felt confident that my emotional bubble would rise again. I can't recall the exact words, but they weren't all that inspiring. I came pretty close to asking him why he had confidence in that when it's been seven years now.
I just can't reconcile who I am now with who I was then. I'm afraid I'll cause my employer trouble, and I'm afraid I'll be fired. I'm afraid that my family will suffer because I can't be what I should be. My husband thinks that imposing more external structure is the answer. My therapist, I think, agrees. Both agree that my current level of functioning is not adequate.
I don't know what to do. I have a new prescription in my hand, but no real confidence that it will help. It affects the dreaded norepinephrine, the bane of my psychiatric existence.
I spent last night shaking, having my husband hold me tighter and tighter. My head is throbbing, and I'm still shaky. I don't think this will ever be ok again. I don't think I'll ever be what I used to be. And I don't know if I can live with that. I don't know if I can live with the restrictions that acknowledging that will put on my family. I feel like such a disappointment to them.
I just don't know what to do!!!
poster:Dinah
thread:241167
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030713/msgs/241996.html