Posted by mist on January 28, 2002, at 20:55:12
In reply to Re: self-hate as the easy way out. » mist, posted by paula on January 28, 2002, at 20:15:53
Paula, you are sooooooo lucky to have the type of people you describe in your life. From what I've seen and experienced (as you can tell from my earlier post), it's rare. I wish I could say something helpful that's more to the point of what you're struggling with but it sounds like an issue I'm not familiar with on a firsthand basis. (Although maybe it would be if I could get the one about actually finding supportive people out of the way.) Anyway, good luck with the challenge you're facing--I admire your courage and effort in dealing with it. -mist
> Wow, mist, I'm so sorry to hear that you've found so little support and understanding out there. That's gotta make it 100 times tougher. I'm incredibly lucky that I'm surrounded by very supportive and patient people. It helps that several of them (as it happens--didn't know this before) have had, or do have, depression as well. Maybe that's why they're so non-judgemental. It's taken me a year and a half to take them up on their offers of support, as in calling them out of the blue and saying "I need a pep talk." Stoicism and self-isolation (and a general attempt to be completely non-emotional) are at the root of my depression, so reaching out is (unfortunately!) the definite path for me to find my way out of the woods. So far I have not been burned by anyone, and I pray God that I won't be. That would just kill me. I guess, I figure that I've been incredibly cautious with these folks and have slowly racheted up my sharing...so I think I'm safe with them. I appreciate your caution--I totally understand!
>
> Thanks for your thoughts,
> --p
>
> > paula,
> >
> > This is probably not what you wanted to hear but I've usually regretted reaching out to people I've known in real life when I've needed help as a result of being depressed—especially for emotional support—because their responses have not been understanding or helpful. In some cases they've been cold, critical and judgmental—just the opposite of what I needed.
> >
> > When I have started going over in my head interactions in which I was more vulnerable, and feeling something was wrong, it's usually because it was. Because I didn't get the result I needed and had hoped for.
> >
> > For the most part, I think of not reaching out for support or understanding as a smart, healthy, self-preservation measure.
> >
> > I don't mean that I think, "no one is trustworthy," just by virtue of their being a human being. I mean that in general the society—schools, the media, churches, social institutions, etc.—don't teach supportive, healthy ways of relating to others (especially to depressed or other vulnerable people). The overriding values are competition, toughness, survival of the fittest, self-sufficiency, do or die, get with the program (even if you can't get out of bed), etc. I think it's therefore best to be somewhat on guard with most people, including friends and family members. That's why support groups and a board like this which provide a small oasis of safety are important.
> >
> > These are just some thoughts which came to mind when I read your post. I don't know if they are useful to you or relevant to your experience. -mist
> >
> >
poster:mist
thread:17351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17421.html