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Y'all's Input on Suicide Agreement (not to)

Posted by Shar on January 27, 2002, at 23:56:43

In reply to Re: Therapist wants Suicide Agreement (not to), posted by OldSchool on January 27, 2002, at 20:02:59

God, y'all have so much wisdom and experience and points of view--what wonderful folks you are for responding. I appreciate it very much and it has clarified several issues for me.

I was probably unclear in the original post about the contract--it's not a written contract, it is verbal. She has asked all potential group members to commit to a year of attendance, and then is asking specific things of them if necessary. For me, it was the agreement not to commit suicide for a year.

In her view (if I'm getting it right) it has to do with being fully "present" for group, and ready to work, and if you don't know if you're going to be alive or not next week, one can't really be fully present. There are many things that can interfere with one being present, not just suicidal ideation. Also, she did mention what impact it would have on the group (I think that part is probably factual, but sort of a BS reason, because any group member's death would be traumatic and she isn't asking people to agree not to get hit by a car).

She also talks about "pro-life" behavior (having nothing to do with abortion). That suicide is not pro-life, but making it to group even when I feel my worst (previous group) IS pro-life. It is a willingness to take some, any step in the direction of life or hope...no matter how small a step it is. She is not Pollyanna about it at all, and doesn't want smiles and styles. She knows that sometimes I have to drag myself in.

I think, about her position on the agreement, I feel betrayed because I talked with her about feeling suicidal, and now feel it is being used against me. I have asked about a month to month agreement, but she won't do that. She has said already that she knows this agreement won't stop me if I fully intend to go through with suicide.

I am afraid that when it is not an option for me, that energy will manifest as something much more immediate, such as hurting myself (I've done a little of that in the past) or rage reactions (I've had a few of those). She would probably see rage reactions as a good thing.

As for rebellion or problems with authority, yes! A big part of my reaction to the idea of an agreement was that she was taking undue advantage of her position (authority) and had no right to ask such a personal thing of me. I told her this. To me it is almost like saying, you have to agree to not drink for a year, or something (I'm an AA person); this is something within me that is not under the control of any other person. I wouldn't act on suicide as a form of rebellion against her.

Right now I am leaning toward not joining group because of the required agreement. I have one more individual session with her before the group starts in Feb. I am also pissed at her for her 'carrot and stick' approach, or at least it feels like that; that she can dangle the group in front of me (because I think I would learn a lot and work hard) and then lay down that condition. I told her that, too.

I think I'm rambling now. Thank you all SO MUCH!! This is so much clearer to me now. And, I like Phil's idea a lot...make her agree also then make her life hell. 8-) I will tell her that one.

xoxo
Shar


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