Posted by mair on February 1, 2002, at 13:12:35
In reply to Re: Meeting with Therapist Today re Agreement » Fi, posted by Shar on January 31, 2002, at 22:58:34
Shar- Sorry but I take a different view of all this. I'm concerned that you may be denying yourself access to a group that you really want to join and maybe jeopardizing your relationship with a trusted and valued therapist out of stubbornness, a desire to rebel, misguided principle or a pride which does not really have your best interests at heart.
Your therapist has admitted that this verbal agreement will not prevent you from committing suicide if you have overwelming thoughts that this course is what you must do. Given your sense of commitment, what the agreement will do is make you pause and maybe distract you from the kind of thinking that might make you actually take action. I believe that those of us who do ruminate but not act, while not influenced by a bargain we've struck, are influenced by other thoughts that serve the same purpose as an agreement might for you. For instance, when I feel increasingly suicidal I automatically start thinking in realistic terms about how my suicide will affect my family and sometimes my therapist as well who's worked very hard over the last few years to keep me from becoming another suicide statistic.
My own suicidal thoughts can be very forceful and sometimes can kick in quite frequently but they have never been totally constant for more than a matter of days. As long as they're not constant, I think the kind of thinking I engage in to counteract moving to that next step is healthy thinking, which makes me safe. I'm sure I could get to a more critical stage. If so I'll either not be thinking or caring about my family or will be taking an entirely different view about the effect of my death. I assume if you really get to that stage, a verbal agreement you made with your therapist is going to be the last thing you'll think or care about. We all have a right to take our lives. I don't think this promise takes that right away from you - it may stop you from doing something that you'd regret if you had the opportunity to "undo" it.I realize that there are others on this Board who are willing to feed your sense of offence and outrage and are highly critical of your therapist for making the requirement to begin with. However, I can't see how you have anything to gain by refusing her (other than the satisfaction of knowing that you won a foolish battle of wills) and a huge amount to lose. I concede that I'm obviously not privy to your discussions with your therapist and that there may be other factors which contribute to this being the complicated issue that this seems to be for you. However, based on what you have shared with us, I think that you should swallow your pride, agree to this term and then just forget about it (eg stop obsessing about it). My guess is that you'll be far more advantaged by the group and this therapy than you will by not adding an additional element of conscience to your decision process.
Sorry to be so blunt but I really think you're doing yourself a disservice by drawing an unnecessary line in the sand.
It's also only a year.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:17208
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17668.html