Posted by kid_A on October 29, 2001, at 10:28:39
In reply to Re: garbagemx piobmx19... » kid_A, posted by wendy b. on October 27, 2001, at 15:28:30
> Hi Kid: Yes! We depend on other people for our happiness! In a real world, with real feelings, I think this is totally natural.
The problem is, is that some people feel that you must be a completely autonomous unit, completely independant and that the best strategy is not to rely on anyone at all... I guess if you do that you will walk away with your feeling in tact, but isn't better to have -some- faith in people, that they won't let you down...
> Kid, you are complete already. Look at the beauty of your voice in your writing... There is a confident, heart-full man, with something to say...something he has to express.
thankyou... sometimes i feel like im writing to save my life... on the weekend of my breakdown i wrote six poems in one day... now ive been slowing down... need to regather my strength to begin writing again... in the end, all my feelings come out on paper, good or bad...
> Xanax is good. It is also great you have the doc at the other end of the phone-line.
yeah, im lucky that i have a pdoc that actually helps rather than just forcing you into whatever routine they choose as best for you...
> Maybe SHE was the problem, Kid. Maybe you made a mistake in trusting her.
In many aspects she doesn, she's also on AD's, shes got her share of faults... It's a complicated situation though, and in the end I knew that it might end this way... I got too attached to her, and it wound up pushing her away... it doesnt help that she was my best friends girlfriend... and that she + I kissed... Sometimes we see people the way we want to see then, but not as they really are...
> Yes, that's the best thing. You can freak out here, and no one judges you about it.
That's what is great, a friend read a poem I wrote the other day and said "is that really how you feel? jeez..." But you can say things here and people seem to understand, because they have been here... when we talk about our problems it's not so much that we are looking for answers, because all the answers come from within, but it helps to know that at least a few other souls out there can relate to what we say, our own little group of empaths.....
hope is good, love is best, trust is beauty~~~
Anne Sexton - "The Addict"
Sleepmonger,
deathmonger,
with capsules in my palms each night,
eight at a time from sweet pharmaceutical bottles
I make arrangements for a pint-sized journey.
I'm the queen of this condition.
I'm an expert on making the trip
and now they say I'm an addict.
Now they ask why.
WHY!Don't they know that I promised to die!
I'm keeping in practice.
I'm merely staying in shape.
The pills are a mother, but better,
every color and as good as sour balls.
I'm on a diet from death.Yes, I admit
it has gotten to be a bit of a habit-
blows eight at a time, socked in the eye,
hauled away by the pink, the orange,
the green and the white goodnights.
I'm becoming something of a chemical
mixture.
that's it!
My supply
of tablets
has got to last for years and years.
I like them more than I like me.
It's a kind of marriage.
It's a kind of war where I plant bombs inside
of myself.
Yes
I try
to kill myself in small amounts,
an innocuous occupatin.
Actually I'm hung up on it.
But remember I don't make too much noise.
And frankly no one has to lug me out
and I don't stand there in my winding sheet.
I'm a little buttercup in my yellow nightie
eating my eight loaves in a row
and in a certain order as in
the laying on of hands
or the black sacrament.
It's a ceremony
but like any other sport
it's full of rules.
It's like a musical tennis match where
my mouth keeps catching the ball.
Then I lie on; my altar
elevated by the eight chemical kisses.
What a lay me down this is
with two pink, two orange,
two green, two white goodnights.
Fee-fi-fo-fum-
Now I'm borrowed.
Now I'm numb.
poster:kid_A
thread:12968
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011025/msgs/13090.html