Posted by jay on October 25, 2001, at 19:31:29
In reply to 2nd bad vilbel- 2nd scepe- 2nd scout- 2nd peng , posted by kid_A on October 25, 2001, at 11:34:14
oyyyy..ooyy..man sounds like the last 25 friendships I have had.. heh. OK..one of the first things you want to do is get yourself *safe*. Is that possible...can you even call somebody..or even a hotline number to have someone to talk to?
On one hand it seems like they are doing what is for their own good...but they are doing nothing for you... but on the other it makes us feel even *worse*...horrible..and creates a whole new set of anxieties, fears, sadness...etc..etc.
I find the anxiety *debilitating*..it's like I have been in a car accident and am crippled...emotionaly crippled. What meds are you on..and has/would you and your pdoc consider a low dose of one of the new atypical antipsychotics? In particular, they work excellent with an antidepressant.
Your emtions are on high-speed...and when we get to that point, we need something first to knock that fever-pitch anxiety and pain down a notch or two. Yes, taking more Xanax will help, but I have found it to be only quite temporary.
Can you get yourself somewhere safe? That is *really* so important right now. Please...
Sincerely,
Jay
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> (long) sorry......
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> what do you do when you freak someone out by saying that you want to kill yourself if you loose their friendship, and then they pull away because of that... doesnt that seem like the wrong thing to do... in theory i can't question this person's judgement, i can't even fathom why someone would be reading this based on my wacked out message title, but hopefully somebody is... ive been consulting w/ my doctor over the fone, and these conversations i've had w/ my friend... we are still friends, but now it is in limited contact... and still when we see each other out (we usually have a blast) it is said to be still the same... but still, what i wanted the most was someone to talk to... unfortunately, as always, i've over judged our friendship, and though i think due to the complex dynamic of what has happened with this person and me over several months, i may have mutated, i think now that it is something totally different, and where i felt that i had a confidant, now it is more of a 'friend' in quotes...
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> i've done this before, talked to much to the point where people just can't take it anymore and they pull away, im smarter now and i keep my mouth shut, thats what i pay my f'ing therapist for... but i happened to be stupid and in the moment, i felt so bad that i wanted to kill myself, and when you feel that way you say it... im sure somebody understands that... weather you do it or not is no matter... its an ideation and we all have had them, its just the ammount that you express this to others, which i have learned, unless you are talking to someone who has had similar feelings or someone in a hospital, or the guy in the chair who gets 150.00 per 50 minutes to talk to you (thank you 15.00 copay).... its best to keep your moth shut... this little utterance basically protracted our friendship to a point that makes me feel horrible, even worse... so thats what i don't understand... she is doing it for herself i think... but in the end it makes me feel horrible...
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> been on the fone w/ pdoc... upped xanax lately per pdoc recomendation... just going day to day... it feels dead to loose a friend in the capacity that you can talk to them at all... basically they want to sever communications to a minimal level... maybe this is best for me too... basically i was told that i had overestimated our friendship to begin with, which i think may be true now, but i think it mutated over time... i was in love with them, and then love settled for friendship, i almost ruined a friendship over it as well, its a complicated triangle if you understand... my unadulterated desire out of control that brought me to this moment right now...
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> doc thinking of putting me on inderal, not too fond of that idea, id rather not get *more* depressed... ugh ugh ugh...! every time i get emotional on somebody i wind up pushing them away, i was in the middle of a nervous breakdown... you say stupid things in a nervous breakdown... you sometimes believe the words afterwards...
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> loss loss loss... i hate it.
poster:jay
thread:12968
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011025/msgs/12990.html