Posted by Marie1 on August 8, 2001, at 18:23:55
In reply to Re: spouses and alcohol, posted by Greg A. on August 8, 2001, at 16:43:52
Hi Greg,
Thanks for taking an interest in my post. The reason I didn't mention alcohol being a problem in my marriage before, is - I didn't know it was one! Drinking with my husband (hardly ever at home unless we're having a party) has been a very long standing activity for us. There were times of more or less sobriety (my pregnancies, his hep. A), but it's something we've always regarded as fun - a way to amuse ourselves. Recently, I realized it was no longer fun. I don't know why it changed - (depression?); maybe it didn't, but my perception did. As I said in my earlier post, it took 18 mnths. of therapy to finally see things for what they are. My husband is still in denial - he may have more of a physiological addiction than I do. His mother was an alcoholic - I've witnessed her drinking straight from the bottle in the morning! She has since died from the disease, but she was definitely a hard core drinker. My in-laws marriage was a catastrophic sham, and in my darkest moments I'm afraid my husband will turn out to be like his mother, and I'll have to take care of him. I'm simply not willing to do that. I know we said "til death do us part...," and he's really been supportive of me through my depression, but I really don't want to live with an alcoholic.
Why does he drink? I never stopped to question that. He gets high as much as he drinks, so I guess he just likes getting buzzed. He would say it's the social part of it - he likes to be social, so he drinks. If I'm truthful with myself, I would say I like to drink, so I'm social.
Anyway, maybe alcohol played a part in my loss of feeling for my husband; I don't know. But I do know that, from my sober point of view, I'm quickly losing any remaining respect I had for him. And that's sad, because at least we liked each other.
Please understand too, the last way I want to come across is "holier than thou", or the stereotypic reformed alcoholic. But his inability to see that this disease really scares me and his unwillingness to change is killing us. Maybe it always was, but I didn't see it til now. Does this make any sense to you? I feel like I've been rambling, but it's been cathartic. Again, I appreciate your interest; this is a major problem for me and I'd love to get your input. Take care.Marie
> Hi Marie,
>
> We talked awhile back about long term relationships and how things get off track. Specifically, about whether we love our spouses or not. You didn’t mention before about the drinking part, at least not in the posts I read. In our family, if anyone has a problem with alcohol, it’s me. I self medicate with it but it has never really gotten out of hand. (in my opinion) My wife drinks, but infrequently, and then not very much. She comes from an alcoholic family (father) and is paranoid that she will follow in that path.
> Why does your husband drink? I mean, I know it can be a disease, but is there a reason behind it? Why did you drink? Is your husband’s problem with alcohol part of why you question if you love him? You said before that you were pretty sure that your husband had little to do with your depression. The alcohol abuse part makes me question this.
> Let me know if you want to talk about this further. Okay?
>
> Greg
poster:Marie1
thread:8862
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010807/msgs/8995.html