Posted by Anna Laura on June 29, 2001, at 13:28:22
In reply to Depressed Niece wants no meds...., posted by Shar on June 28, 2001, at 22:33:55
> .....and her aunt needs help.
>
> I spoke with my niece today who is in her mid-twenties and very depressed, lots of hopelessness. I realized in talking with her that I am sort of at a loss to offer guidance to someone who doesn't want meds. She has taken meds before and thinks they will either cause brain damage, or she'll be an addict. She has had limited success with meds and I'm not sure of her compliance level when taking them.
>
> I couldn't think of much to suggest aside from counseling/CBT. She is unemployed, she says the only free counseling help or med help is for people who are hurting themselves. She said she can't get in (hospital or counseling) unless she is about to commit suicide so they won't help her.
>
> I suggested some things, and got a blanket "that won't work because" response. I know how bad it sucks to be depressed, and yet I feel frustrated dealing with her. I know part of her no-win attitude may be the depression itself. I don't think it is truly accurate that the only help available is for suicidal people, because I've worked in the non-profit community here and know of other resources that I told her about. She has been through this type of experience before, quitting her meds cold turkey, then being 'unable' to find any help.
>
> She doesn't have regular internet access for internet help.
>
> I invited her to come to my house and she said she couldn't, plus neither her mother (who lives across the street from me) nor I could really do anything to help her.
>
> Arrrggghhh. Any suggestions that do not include my working her program? I believe she needs to take steps to help herself, and I will cheerlead but I won't take her steps or make her decisions for her.
>
> Suggestions will be most appreciated.
> SharHi Shar,
May be the following issue is not going to fit your problem properly (sorry for my bad english, it's not my language) but i had a similar problem with my ex-fianceé : he suffers from aids. Well, i've been trying to help him for years (when he got sick we wern't engaged anymore but ther's a very strong tie with this guy: i'm his best friend). He didn't want any help also: he rejected me and i felt hurt for that .He didn't wash, didn't shave, always wearing the same clothes for weeks, he didn't keep his house clean, he slept with cats and dogs on his bed. People would sneak in to his house to steal his medicines. I was constantly at the door holding a hatchet in my hand not to let them in.
I cleaned the house every single day and the day after it was a horrible mess again.
I tried and tried but the problem was that he didn't want to help himself. Only lately i found out why: it might sound obvious but i never thought about it: he was in denial because he was scared as hell. One day he told me he was afraid to go to sleep and not to wake up again, so he kept himself awake.
Just a few days ago i talked with him on the phone; i told him :"Do you remember my grandmother? She died last week." He hung up the phone.
I don't know, i might be wrong, but what if your nice doesn't want help because she is too scared?
She might be scared of the illness,of being judged insane, she might actually think she's going to become crazy, or may be she's afraid of the stigma....Good luck
Anna Laura
poster:Anna Laura
thread:6896
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010628/msgs/6920.html