Posted by Tamar on June 22, 2006, at 18:17:25
In reply to And perhaps the harder issue is » orchid, posted by orchid on June 22, 2006, at 13:50:15
> ((((Tamar))))
>
> I don't think you failed. Your therapist doesn't have the training to do this.
>
> I think he is probably extremely good in short term, CBT oriented therapy, but definitely isn't *comfortable at all* in getting into deeper issues like working through your transference about him and wants and needs and making sense out of it. He really doesn't know it. And when you keep trying, you are just going on hitting on a hard wall and getting yourself bruised again and again and wondering what you are doing wrong.You may well be right. I know that I’m resisting that interpretation because I don’t want to believe it. I will work on that!
> You aren't doing anything wrong, only that you are seeing a wrong T.
>
> And when a T says you shoudl see someone else, I think it is about time you take it very seriously. Because usually Ts don't say it very lightly. When he says it, I think he realizes very well that he is not able to help you, and he is good enough to acknowledge it to you, rather than doing a half *ssed job of it by trying to do it himself. And probably he is thinking the same now himself too. He is probably saying to himself, "I failed again in trying to help her". And it doesn't do good to him too.I realise that I didn’t explain that part of it very well. He wasn’t talking about referring me now, but about getting me long term support after I finish my work with him. The subject of seeing someone else was quite a shock to me, but my therapist did make a commitment to keep seeing me as long as it’s necessary.
> It would save both of you lot of frustration and pain and anger and bitterness down the road, if you decide to call it quits now, and work with someone else. Ask him for a referral, or find out someone else on your own, and atleast interview couple more Ts. And maybe you can strike a deal with your T, and ask him to assure you that he will take you back if that new relationship fails to work. Take 3 months off, and see someone new, and if it doesn't go well, come back to him.
>
> How does that sound? You would be so much better off with a different T. I hate to see you hurting like this. And it is a hurt that you have no reason to feel. And you are wasting time and effort and money also.It does sound like a good idea in some ways. I will think about it seriously. But I would want to be absolutely sure that I’m not running away from my difficulties with the therapeutic relationship, because if I don’t give it my best shot it will simply follow me to another therapist.
> I don't know if you think like me, but if I were in that position (and you know I have been), the harder issue that I would have found difficult to accept would be the question, "Well if he didn't know it already, that is ok. But then, why doesn't he care enough about me, to spend a little effort and time to learn it and help me out? Is that such a difficult thing? I know I learnt it, and all the babblers learn it even without a degree in therapy, so why can't he jsut do this little bit of stretch and learn it? Why doesn't he care that much about me?"
I suppose there’s the question of professional responsibility. I can have a discussion about transference with anyone at any time, but I’m not a professional and I don’t have any institutional responsibility for people’s mental health. He’d have to do a lot of study and get practical experience to be able to work effectively with a different theoretical orientation. But yeah, at some level I just want him to learn it for me!
Thanks Orchid. Your support means a lot to me.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:660078
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/660244.html