Posted by pinkeye on May 13, 2005, at 21:37:50
In reply to Re: ask yourself this... » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on May 13, 2005, at 21:17:46
Thanks so much 10derHeart. I am sorry if it brings up previous bad memories for you. You don't have to post when you are feeling bad or triggered ok?
My husband is really really a good guy.. I think he is tortured because he is staying in the US. He wants to go to India, and I have been trying to hold him here for a long time. I think it is a huge mistake on my part.
But unfortunately, going back to India triggers too much of emotions myself.. I feel my life and all my efforts so far, is completely meaningless. And I end up completely getting depressed and mad if I think of having to go back to India. Believe, I have honestly tried several several several times to make up my mind.. both with my ex T and my current T, but I always end up getting depressed and crying. And I just cannot think of going back.
And I think the ideal solution is for both of us to split. Besides this india/us issue, we don't think alike too much in many things. But we both still have lot of unconditional positive regards and affection towards each other.. Somehow we have managed to survive everything that has come up so far without any amount of bitterness or anger towards each other. We still have good times together.
And I don't trust my own judgement too much.. especially in relationships. So I tend to think that I am the one who is wrong. My emotional self is totally unhealthy one - I am very complicated, childish, immature, adamant, cannot take defeat, and feel worthless, and hurt etc. And I think, that if I leave him, then more than likely I will never find anyone good. And even if I meet someone good and I like them, they are almost always married already and they don't like me too much (it has happened twice already - once wiht a colleague and my exT). So I don't really think I can trust myself to get out of this marriage and go and find someone else. Plus I am an indian, and that makes things 100 times more difficult for me. Plus this kind of thing is very common in India as far as I know. If all indian women have to leave their husbands, then pretty much none of the marriages would survive. It is changing nowadayds, but still is very prevalent.
And the basic point, is, I don't trust my own judgment too much. especially wrt to liking a man or disliking a man.. I tend to project too much of my own stuff, and not understand the other person.
poster:pinkeye
thread:496916
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/497540.html