Posted by pinkeye on May 17, 2005, at 20:39:53
In reply to Re: Why is it such a big deal? » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on May 17, 2005, at 20:23:42
What would I do if I leave him for this? No good guy from India would marry me. They do not marry a divorcee. And even if someone marries me, they would surely be much worse than my husband.
And I don't think good guys like me. My ex T was a good guy - he didn't like me. I liked another guy once - he was also already married. I might like good guys, but they have to like me back right? The other guy actually told me he really liked me. But what to do - he was already married and was in love with his wife. And my ex T told me there is no question of liking me. And I haven't liked anyone too much other than these two. I had crush on couple of guys - but then later I realized that they were complete jerks. I wouldn't marry them even if they give me million dollars though at that time I thought they were really cool and had a huge crush. And now I am not even sure what my feelings towards my ex T and the other guy was. My new T tells me that all my liking so far were complete trasnference, and it is all a projection - she says that is why I chose to like people who were already married in the first place. So I don't know even if I can trust my own feelings of like/dislike. I don't know if my lack of attachment to my husband also has to do soemthing with transference. I sometimes think maybe he is really nice, but I am not able to like him because I don't have any dad transference to him (he is younger to me, so I don't think of him like my dad). My new T tells me that I don't like any guy who is not like my dad.
And in the friends that I see around, there is nobody I would want to be married to.
I had 3 - 4 guys (who were good) who proposed to me, but I didn't like them.
It is 1000 times more difficult for an indian woman to leave her husband than it is for an american woman.
Besides, I feel my hsuband is really good anyways. He expects me to do things as he wishes, but as long as I do them like he wants, he is completely affectionate and caring. Only when there are problems and I don't want what he wants there is an issue. Nowadays, I don't say anything against him. I just don't talk to him about any serious issues. I come to babble. I just talk superficially to him.
But actually he has been trying to be very nice to me in the past 4 months.. excpet this couple of occasions when he pulled my hair and forced me etc.
poster:pinkeye
thread:496916
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/499169.html