Posted by shrinking violet on October 17, 2004, at 10:54:43
In reply to Re: your T » shrinking violet, posted by Pfinstegg on October 15, 2004, at 22:21:13
>> You do have a lot of good things with her- liking her, and feeling that she likes you, her warmth, openness, occasional self-disclosure. Could you keep going a bit longer, and try to bring up exactly what is hurting you in the relationship?
I don't know, I'm actually afraid to. I don't feel like she's hearing me at all anymore, and everything I do manage to write or say to her gets misinterpreted in a negative way, and then she gets defensive, and we go round and round. Last week I emailed her to terminate. When she wrote back she told me to "try and make an appointment" when I can. Did she not hear what I said? She probably thinks this is like the other times I've reacted to a session by quitting and then asking to go back, but this is different. She doesn't realize how much she hurt me, or probably wouldn't care or acknowledge it anyway. I feel like I can't tell her how I feel either, because I fear she'll take it as if I'm attacking her, and she won't agree with my point of view so she'll get defensive, etc. It's like we're in a hamster wheel, going round and round.
>>From what you have said, much of the pain you are feeling doesn't have words readily attached to it (at least not yet). You would probably feel heard and understood if she listened, and used her own feelings to empathize with you. It doesn't need to be verbal right now- it just needs to be your feelings and her feelings meeting and being in tune. This is probably the hardest and most stressful thing Ts have to do.-it's much easier for them to talk! Sometimes just silence, or just a few words, communicates so much, and helps us begin to regulate our own pain better than any large amount of words could. Could you ask for exactly this, and see what follows?Good idea, but I'm not sure she could do it even if she wanted to. She seems really uncomfortable with silences for some reason. I don't think she could just sit there and be.
>>It seems such a shame to drop out of therapy when you are clearly searching to have a good experience with it. And it's not good to leave feeling so let down and alone- and feeling you are at fault somehow. You simply aren't at fault in any way.. In another thread, we have been talking about the importance of the client's and therapist's right hemispheres being in tune in order for people to really start feeling better. You could download a paper by Allen Schore on this topic, and maybe talk about it with her. His ideas are really wonderful.
Thanks for the heads-up. I actually found a link to an article on this topic. But, I'm afraid to send it to her. Again, she'd probably see it as my way of telling her she doesn't know what she's doing, and then she'll get defensive, etc (see a pattern here?). :-(
> Please let us know what happens - and I do wish you a good experience with her.
Thank you. So do I. But I fear this is the end.Thanks for your thoughts.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:403120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041016/msgs/404118.html