Posted by shrinking violet on October 15, 2004, at 20:51:29
In reply to Re: Quit therapy, for good,Cant take it anymore (long) » shrinking violet, posted by mair on October 15, 2004, at 16:56:35
>>My Ex-T was a pdoc, who had been in the business long enough to have taught tons of other Ts. He once told me that 2 very important attributes of a good T were that he or she be patient and that he or she be comfortable with ambiguity.
Interesting. I'd hate to say that my T isn't patient, because it's been over a year now and she's hung in there longer than I thought she would. She also handles my emails and annoyances pretty well. I think, at times, maybe she does become impatient (Wed was probably one of them), but I can't fault her for that; she is human after all, and therapists probably expect on some level that their clients will at least talk to them, so, she probably has a right to get annoyed once in a while. I don't think she's at all comfortable with ambiguity: she tries to get me to be very precise when trying to tell her something, but it's SO hard to find the words generally to convey what I mean (especially when trying to verbalize thoughts or feelings; i'm MUCH more comfortable with the written word and I am not at all verbally articulate), so I get doubly frustrated, feeling like I can't "get it out" in the right way.
>> I've been seeing my own T for almost 5 years I think (I've really lost count). Unless we're dealing with some pretty surface issues, I generally have an awful time talking to her - I get impatient with myself and frustrated to the point of anger, but she never seems to get impatient at all, or certainly never shows it. She just tells me that opening up to people is my big issue, and that it's something we need to be working on all the time; that it is the essence of our work together.
Hm, could your T talk to my T? lol At times, my T can be very understanding and empathetic. I think she does know that this is hard for me, and she seems to understand how much pain I'm in, but even as she says that she reacts when I can't show her, or engage with her like she expects. But again, is she wrong? I mean, it's understandable that a T would expect a client to be able to talk to her. Like you, I can talk a bit about general stuff, but she usually tries to go deeper and I shut down. I just wish I knew how to fix this, because I want more than anything to go in there and just TALK without being embarrassed or guarded or self-conscious. *sigh*
>> It sounds to me, at least from what you've written, that your therapist is neither patient, nor comfortable with the ambiguity of your relationship with her.
Maybe you're right, but she would never admit that, even if she did feel that way. If anything she'd get defensive if I tried to ask her if that were true. So, if she is uncomfortable, then quitting was probably the right thing, right?
Thanks for your response. :)
poster:shrinking violet
thread:403120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/403670.html