Posted by Noodle on October 11, 2004, at 10:40:35
In reply to Re: NEED ADVICE, PLEASE, posted by College-Girl on October 8, 2004, at 11:40:50
Hi College Girl,
I was very pleased to see so many caution you.
I have been the victim of a stalker, and your initial post sent up all of my red flags.
My experience caused me many years of fall-out from the experience of living the life required, in order to stay alive.
The good news, is I did make it through, and have not had the haunted life for some time. I no longer consider it, other than perhaps being much more aware of my surroundings that others.I did do all the right things, and went the extra mile.. it that at that time our state anti-stalking laws were weak. I became involved through no desire on my part, but the laws had to be changed, and people given more protection. The police needed laws to give them the ability to do more.
It just happened that at the time I was forced into hiding, they needed a witness in front of our state legislators, and felt my case was common enough to work, but just extreme enough to hopefully get them to sit up and listen, and change the laws. I look fairly average , so that was probably par of their choice to have me as their main witness. It worked.Rather than the 5 minutes of testimony I was told I would need to do, it turned into a half hour of questions and answers. As I walked out into the hall afterward, I was greeted by hugs and cheers, from the supporters / lawyers. The laws were changed.
But... that only means that the police have more abilities when they catch the perpetrator.Mine did end up spending a year locked away, but it took many arrests before that happened. And many more times catching him and not being arrested, only warned. Then their were all the times they did not catch him.
This cost me my job, many social contacts, though I refused to give up my home. Against the advise of law enforcement, and all of my support system. I did have to go into hiding and leave my home for an extended period of time.They do call the day they release the perpetrator from jail, and it starts over. Will he return ?
He has not yet. It has been many years, but there is still the very slight chance it could happen again. My security now is the time that has passed, and the fact that all of my friends and neighbors would still spot him in an instant. Staying right here, has become safer than hiding now.
Unfortunately, in some cases, an obituary notice is the only way to completely stop being on guard.This is the 'risk' a person faces. Weight that against trying to be 'nice', and not hurt their feelings.
So now your thinking my story is one of a relationship gone bad. ??? Nope. Those years of hell started exactly like what you are telling us happened with this gal. We were never dating and I had only spoken to him a few times. My mistake was trying to not hurt his feelings when I told him I was not interested in 'seeing him'.Perhaps they are attracted to people like us. The more vulnerable ?
Listen to your gut. Save yourself a minimum of 10 years of hell.
There are lots of other people out there to not reject or shut out. People that will treasure what you have to offer.
To any other past victims,
I did go, as a moth to the flame, and checked out the stalking site... and another that had a link there. They are all accurate and the advise is sound and complete.
You do NOT need to go and check... and start to unwillingly relive your past experience.I'm hoping that by typing this now, perhaps I can attempt to start closing that door again, and perhaps have been of help to someone here, that happens upon this thread.
College-Girl,
Look at it this way. If you are wrong, and she is not what we fear, you have done no harm by walking away. No harm at all.
You said she has a therapist. So she does have supervision, and access to help.
If she is just lonely. You are doing her a favor. She needs to learn better ways to make friends.Staying at mucking about in it, will only confuse the issue. Then it gets into personalties and who said what... instead of her lack of social graces or such. One lesson at a time for her may be best. The repeated sight of your back as you happen to be going the other direction is good enough.
Spend your energy on things that count. Not this.I have not had a red flag on this subject pop up in years. So please consider my attempt here as a serious warning. You are not required to speak to this person ever again... at all, for any reason.
Read those sites. They are correct.
poster:Noodle
thread:400047
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/401536.html