Posted by shrinking violet on August 15, 2004, at 20:48:43
In reply to Re: Are relationships with T's real, or not?, posted by crazymaisie on August 14, 2004, at 14:29:37
>>> Like you, I tell her it's not real and she insists that it is real, it's just a relationship with unusual constraints. Then I read (particularly on this board) about how often this sort of thing happens and I wonder why I'm so arrogant that I have to believe that I really am special to my T and that there's something more than 'transference' - whatever that really is - between us. Then I see her again and I realise that there is a real relationship there. I know that I have hurt her feelings on occasion, that I have really annoyed her. And I have felt let down by her, sometimes, too, and that all feels pretty 'real'.
Yes, exactly! It is so confusing. I'd hate to think it is just transference, because it would negate everything that's happened between us (at least for me). And I don't think tha'ts what it is...but I still wonder, and I wonder if she thinks that's what it is....ack. I could drive myself nuts going in circles with this. Why can't I just believe what she says and the connection I feel IS there, instead of trying to analyze it to death and prove something that maybe isn't provable (I can't open her up and look inside her heart and mind and "see" what she thinks/feels toward me. And maybe that's what it would take for me to let this go).>> I brought up the subject of when it's all over a few months ago, especially regarding not seeing her again. She said that we can wait and see how things are when the time comes and that we can work from there. Actually, that made me feel so much better. It was a validation that this is real and it has relaxed me so much more about the whole therapy thing. Of course, then I wonder if that's precisely why she said it!
LOL, yep, we can always turn something on its back and watch it squirm. I'm glad what she said made you feel more reassured....I think they would make me feel the same way, too, although my T would never say that (she's said she hopes I'm good to her and write to her after I leave, but....it really isn't the same as hearing her voice or seeing her, is it?).
>> It sucks, though, doesn't it. I seem to go round in circles about it. Also, I'd be interested to hear from anyone who has become friends with their T afterwards. Or is it simply not done?I don't know...I've wondered this too, because if it IS possible, and she doesn't do it, then that causes me to question how real this connection is, you know? I don't think it's explicitly forbidden, but it isn't recommended. I think most T's don't, since it can be problematic if the client wants to return to therapy at some future time (although I couldnt' see my T even if I wanted to, b/c she's a Uni T and only available to students), and it can feel too unbalanced, having one person know so much about the other. But that wouldn't bother me, either. I do know some things about her, and what I don't know, I'm okay with. I mean, most relationships are unbalanced, aren't they? We don't always disclose the same amount about ourselves as other people might to us, and vice versa, yet we're still friends with them or married to or partners with them. The difference is, I think, is that even though those relationships might be unbalanced, we don't meet people knowing that it will be unbalanced by default.
Um, yeah, I've thought about this waaaay too much.
> I'd love to hear what she says if you do bring it up.Hm, me too. I'll post about it after my session this week, if anyone is interested (and if I actually bring it up...).
Thanks for responding.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:377579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/378047.html