Posted by shrinking violet on August 15, 2004, at 20:35:26
In reply to Are relationships with T's real, or not?, posted by shrinking violet on August 14, 2004, at 12:49:07
I've decided to not bring this up on Tuesday. Well, no, maybe I will bring it up very generally (basically adding onto what she said last week, that our connection is valuable and I should acknowledge it). I'll probably argue with her and try to get her to admit it's a manipulation on her part, or at the very least some sort of common phenomena (dare I say transference.....I really don't think that's what this is, but who knows, and it would kill me to know it was). Anyway, we'll see how it goes. However, I won't admit how much she means to me (she knows I care about her, I think, but I'd never get into it any deeper than that), or how sad I am when I think of leaving her when I graduate and never seeing her again (or how I'm considering just offing myself afterwards, since I won't have much to look forward to after we terminate anyway). I still have at least four months with her anyway, so I can always break down and sob about leaving at some later point. :-/
Mostly, I'm afraid if I get into it too deep, and she realizes how I do feel connected to her, etc, that she'll freak out and back off. It's ok for her to say it to me as much as she wants, but I'm afraid as soon as I admit I feel the same, she'll either manipulate it in some way (if she isn't already) or/and back off and act differently.
I really just want to ignore the topic all together -- that remains a strong possibility also.
So, we'll see how it goes on Tuesday. Wish me luck (please please....).
poster:shrinking violet
thread:377579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/378044.html