Posted by Dinah on December 28, 2004, at 20:56:53
In reply to Re: I made it through., posted by mair on December 26, 2004, at 11:40:40
My father had a different public image as well. The nicest most patient guy in the world. :) With the big hearty laugh. (the one I always knew meant he was talking to someone outside the family and labelled his fake hearty laugh). They had no idea of the man he could be.
I'm lucky that I always knew he loved me. I know he never meant to hurt me. We had this symbiotic relationship where we took care of each other. I worked with him for all of my working life. Those years, until I had my son anyway, were the happiest I ever remember him. Because I'd put staples in the stapler if he needed them. And he could yell at me the way he couldn't yell at employees in general. He felt cared about. He had someone he could talk to about anything from work to politics to religion. But he did his part by protecting me from the rest of the world - if not himself. :) My therapist used to think it was a harmful relationship until my father retired. Then all the benefits to my mental health became obvious by their absence.
It was a close but complicated relationship.
I suppose it's only natural that I am reacting the way I am given our relationship.
My husband's mother died less than two days (if I remember correctly) after my dad. It was a rough week. Two deaths. Two funerals. Two people under stress dealing with stress by becoming more extreme versions of their usual selves. And unfortunately our extreme versions don't get along too well AT ALL. I withdraw and get dreamy (and irresponsible to his eyes). He gets super rigid (and mean in my eyes).
Sigh. If we make it through this we'll be... I dunno. Irreparably damaged I suspect. As a couple.
poster:Dinah
thread:431436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/435236.html