Posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 20:57:25
In reply to Re: I'm scared and don't want to go » Dinah, posted by Emme on December 18, 2004, at 19:36:07
It wasn't as bad as it could have been.
I got along well enough with my mother. In fact she was quite nice when I burst into tears after seeing him looking so dead. I spent about an hour with him after he died, but he didn't look all that dead then. Embalming makes people seem so much deader.
It bothered me to leave his casket at the cemetary. It sort of felt like abandoning him. I know it makes no sense, but I wanted to curl up alongside and sit vigil like I did from time to time in the last little while. Yet I know he wasn't really there. Even so, it didn't feel right to leave him there.
Then I came home and fell asleep. Writing this, I'm feeling sleepy again. Wonderful forgetting sleep.
I guess the world starts again tomorrow, and it will be time for me to be the supportive one for my husband in his loss.
But I sort of wish Daddy had believed in cremation, so that I could keep him with me instead of leaving him there.
But I know he's not really there.
poster:Dinah
thread:431436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/431436.html