Posted by mair on October 19, 2004, at 16:53:14
In reply to Re: What happens when you can't grieve?, posted by Jai Narayan on October 19, 2004, at 7:33:41
Thanks Jai
I met with my T today for the first time in a couple of weeks, and we talked about my lack of an emotional response. She reminded me that my emotional connection with him hasn't been all that strong in the last few years - all true, but you could've probably said the same thing about my grieving siblings.
My T feels that my father, while not at all deliberately abusive, was not a good fit as a parent for me. She's been trying for awhile to help me see a connection between the way I was parented, and some of the difficulties I struggle with now. Sometimes I can see the connection on an intellectual level, but I have never been able to really "feel" it, and I've always thought her analysis was a stretch. His poor health in the last couple of years, and certainly his death make it seem harder for me to conger up any of the negative feelings I used to have for him, ie. anger and hurt. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that after he died, and we went through the services, I had this thought that now I was never going to understand on an emotional level, what my T has been talking about. Sort of that I'd never now be able to connect with the more negative memories (which are hard enough for me to remember in the first place).
I think I really want to mourn him; I want to feel some emotional response to his death.
I guess for now I'll have to settle for the fact that I was at least able to talk about some of this with my T. Sometimes talking to her is such a struggle, but this being the unemotional subject I've turned it into, talking came pretty easily.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:404484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/404837.html