Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2008, at 21:35:42
In reply to Re: Ah, there's the pragmatic I lack » Toph, posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2008, at 21:00:20
I don't think it needs to be thought of in terms of character flaws, gg. Perceptions and misperceptions and endless cycles seem to be not uncommon in the spoken word.
You should see my therapist's emails. :(
It occurs to me that if you took three regular posters, and had them write exactly the same thing, it may well be interpreted three different ways by different people. Playfulness might be seen in one person, and straight literalness might be seen in another, and sarcasm in another.
Which is why Dr. Bob prefers us to judge on actual words and not perceived tone, as you know.
It all ends up to an endless cycle, since people respond to the original poster in terms of their perception, and the original poster feels flattered/stung/hurt in response to the responses and posts in ways that just reinforce the perceptions. And so on.
It's my opinion, and I certainly have no weight of research or authority on this, that the only way to end cycles like this is to take a step back, stop, post reflectively (as in "I hear you say this. Am I hearing correctly?") and take some risks in vulnerability. I think the cycle can actually be broken by anyone in it.
I'm in one right now, and no it has nothing to do with any Babbler(s). I wouldn't post about it if it did. I'm in the process of taking that step back and trying to establish a break in the cycle. It will involve risk taking on my side, as I make myself vulnerable. But I don't want it to continue the way it is.
Don't give up, gardenergirl. IMO, and I could be wrong of course, Babble is worth fighting to relationship. Not the destructive sort of fighting. But the building sort of fighting.
poster:Dinah
thread:842329
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20080719/msgs/842953.html