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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on April 10, 2005, at 11:29:14
Or am I in the throws of depression?
Sometimes I can't seem to stop from going back and forth frequently during the day.Life is so messed up.
We are messed up.
Mad, mad I tell you.
Mad as a Hatter, that's never going to change.I digress.
I repeat myself.40 and failing.
I'm 40 and failing at life,love,& the pursuit of happyness.If I come here I just whine.
People are nice to me and I feel better for the attention, but then I don't know what to say next.So I fail at communication.
I stay away from here and people miss me, but I don't post because I don't have anything to say.
What do I say?
I f'ed up my life, home, health, marriage, family?
I hate myself?Well, yadda, yadda, yadda, how many times do I need to say it? I don't want to talk about it anymore. The solution is not happening because I won't allow it.
Help is so easily posted yet I won't listen.
Selfish, I am selfish. Extreemly so.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 10, 2005, at 12:31:08
In reply to In the Throws of Mania, posted by AdaGrace on April 10, 2005, at 11:29:14
> Well, yadda, yadda, yadda, how many times do I need to say it? I don't want to talk about it anymore. The solution is not happening because I won't allow it.
>
And why won't you allow a solution? Are you comfortable in your unhappiness? Afraid of the changes that changing invites?No posting and running, AdaGrace. I believe that a cry or a whine's purpose is not just to let these emotions escape from inside ourselves... it's the start of a conversation, a discussion, a way to arrive at some sort of resolution. You want to be heard, and someone is listening.
And boy, am I stubborn. You and I have conversed an awful lot. I'm still all ears - or eyes. I'm not a facilititator or a cousellor, just another poor shyte like you. Similar experiences or not, your disappointment in yourself is palpable to someone like me, who has been there and recognizes it so easily.
most sincerely,
pc
Posted by AdaGrace on April 11, 2005, at 8:02:24
In reply to Re: In the Throws of Mania » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on April 10, 2005, at 12:31:08
I just feel that life is never going to change. It's like I'm stuck here in this horrific nightmare and I can't wake up. I am surrounded by selfish whiny people at home and by self-serving yet utterly depressed people here at work. This job is killing me. My lifestyle is killing me, and now above all else, I am having some "women" issues. Geeze. When is the fun ever going to start? I've even lost my zest for gardening and working outdoors. I'm tired all the time, and can't sleep. I keep trying to feel something that isn't there, and so I punish myself and everyone around me by staying in a situation that is never going to improve. Friends all seem to be in the same boat and there is only so much lending an ear I can take, or even ask for for that matter. Is this depression? Yeah I think so. Environmental depression. Gas is way over $2 now, and I own an SUV. Yeah me! Money still comes in, and yet I feel as if I am selling my sanity to achieve it. But, there is nothing I can do. When the ship starts to sink...I am the captains first mate...so therefore, I go down as well. The sun shines and I can't enjoy it because I am stuck inside....It rains and I hate the rain. I miss happyness so much.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 11, 2005, at 8:34:10
In reply to Re: In the Throws of Mania, posted by AdaGrace on April 11, 2005, at 8:02:24
And if we are in situations where we are unhappy, the power of choice to change is ours. We can change how we react to whiney people, at home and at work. We can change what our expectations are. We can change our health care treatment so we can be more comfortable while our bodies go through puberty in reverse - egad!
I just don't want you to think that you're powerless to initiate change, AdaGrace. You're in an excellent place in your life - awkward teenage years behind you; you became a wife and a mother, and you have years of experience at work. These are positive and good things, things that you build your next step in life upon.
That next step can be a little one, or lots of little ones, or a giant one. Personally, I need a lot of support to make these changes. Medical help from my ob/gyn, my p-doc, my therapist. Spiritual help from the gazzilion books and magazines I read. Emotional support from my friends here at babble.
Just don't believe that you are stuck: stuck at home, stuck at work, stuck sweating to your sheets. Feeling stuck is a sign that you are ready to make a change, somehow.
Glad to see you back here, AdaGrace.
pc
Posted by AdaGrace on April 11, 2005, at 8:40:25
In reply to Happiness still exists for us » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on April 11, 2005, at 8:34:10
I just don't know how without hurting people.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 11, 2005, at 9:05:14
In reply to Re: Happiness still exists for us » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on April 11, 2005, at 8:40:25
I guess that's where the help comes in, AdaGrace. Some marriage counselling right now would probably help in any kind of transition, unless you're able to communicate easily with your spouse.
What kind of change are you considering that might involve hurting someone? Why would it have to hurt anyone?
pc
Posted by AdaGrace on April 12, 2005, at 10:27:33
In reply to Re: Happiness still exists for us » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on April 11, 2005, at 9:05:14
Divorce hurts everyone involved. Spouse. Children. Other family members. Friends.
Resignation hurts co-workers. Owners. Everyone involved.
Death hurts everyone.
Solutions are not easy. I hang in here to save the hurt of others.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 12, 2005, at 10:51:33
In reply to Re: Happiness still exists for us » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on April 12, 2005, at 10:27:33
> Divorce hurts everyone involved. Spouse. Children. Other family members. Friends.
>
Yes, that is very true. Is divorce your only option now? Have you tried marriage counselling - together or by yourself? It's always worthwhile to look at all the possible solutions.> Resignation hurts co-workers. Owners. Everyone involved.
>
This type of "hurt" is short term and should not be part of a person's decision to leave a job, IMO. Working in an environment that is unhealthy for you is reason enough to leave. Finding a replacement for you might be painful for the owners, but from my understanding of what you've told me, they are at least partially responsible for the unhappiness you feel.> Death hurts everyone.
>
Yes, and this should not even enter your mind as a possible solution.AdaGrace, you know that I care deeply about you and your personal travails. I try to give advice and support but I'm limited to my own experiences and outcomes. Let me put it this way:
- my divorce was one of the best things I could have done. We had no children but it was still a painful and damaging process; one that left me in a state of major depression for over a year. It was STILL the best thing I could have done.
- I have never left a job and regretted the decision to do it. Owners deal with it as they would any other business decision. Co-workers deal with it because people come and go all the time - that's what workplaces are like!
- death by my own hand has never been a possible solution to my problems. I have had suicidal ideations, but really have only ever craved the peace that death would bring. But I would never, ever want to leave the legacy of suicide for others to deal with, so I guess I've never really been suicidal. If you are, then you MUST get help NOW. Really.
Have you tried making a priority list? Really - what are the issues that you feel you have to address in order to be happier?
with much concern,
pc
Posted by AdaGrace on April 12, 2005, at 11:20:54
In reply to ((((AdaGrace)))) *poss trigger*, posted by partlycloudy on April 12, 2005, at 10:51:33
I meant the death of others in my life that contribute to the problem. I wasn't referring to suicide. I have been suicidal to an extent before, but was never a real option, and never taken beyond "thinking" . No, I'm not suicidal..I'm not homicidal...wishful thinking? Yeah, sometimes I fantasize about quick painless deaths of those in my path to happyness, but I would never do anything about the fantasy. I'm not able to take a life, my own or others.
Sorry for the confusion.
That tongue in cheek comment shouldn't have been said.
Posted by Susan47 on April 12, 2005, at 11:33:40
In reply to Re: ((((AdaGrace)))) *poss trigger* » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on April 12, 2005, at 11:20:54
PC says a lot of good things, AG. It's true that you can't help but hurt people, it's just a fact of life. But it's also true that pain to others isn't always a bad thing, it just IS. And if you have to change the dynamics in your life so that YOU are not feeling so much pain, in the end my dear, that will benefit the people you choose to be in your life. You can't feel responsible for what anyone else does. You just cannot.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 12, 2005, at 11:37:06
In reply to Re: ((((AdaGrace)))) *poss trigger* » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on April 12, 2005, at 11:20:54
Posted by sunny10 on April 14, 2005, at 12:37:11
In reply to Re: ((((AdaGrace)))) *poss trigger* » AdaGrace, posted by Susan47 on April 12, 2005, at 11:33:40
change sometimes hurts all parties during the process, but leaves all parties to deal with it as they will. You will deal with pain your way, and others deal with it in their own way.
You cannot be responsible for the reactions of others. And it doesn't sound to me that you are "reacting to anything negatively"... it sounds like a change is long overdue and an action is necessary to change your present state of mind.
One thing to keep in mind.. latching onto pc's ideas, too.. is that you need to prioritize and change ONE thing that seems to have the biggest beneficial impact. Just because it feels like everything is broken doesn't mean that it is.
Sometimes it is just a gradual accumulation of all things stressful that lead me to feel as it sounds you do right now. It all built up slowly but surely, maybe you can attempt to make changes slowly but surely and bring down that stress level so that not EVERYTHING feels so bad.
Honestly, in my ever-so-humble (and I've been know to be downright stupid) opinion, I would make a job change first if that was part of my unhappiness. And think of it that way. A job change. Not "quitting"... you are not a quitter, you are an able-minded mover and shaker who needs to think of her own needs; thus a change can be made.
I wish I could tell you to "act happy and then you'll become happy", because T's have been telling me to do this for 20 yrs and it hasn't worked for me yet. I say "act (make changes) positively to benefit yourself and maybe just the pride of accomplishing something for YOU will lift your spirits a little".
It is way past time for AdaGrace to take care of AdaGrace's needs. Your track record has proven that you would do nothing that would UNNECESSARILY hurt someone else. But sometimes a little hurt is necessary. Haven't they been teaching YOU that for years? Time to turn the tables, sweetie...
I'm glad you're reaching out to post this stuff; I know it's difficult for you.
kisses,
sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on April 14, 2005, at 13:20:44
In reply to Re: ((((AdaGrace)))), posted by sunny10 on April 14, 2005, at 12:37:11
I've definitely, Definitely, been known to be downright stupid. No QUESTION about that. Do we all do it? I don't think so, somehow. I think most people are in control of themselves enough and think ahead enough so that they're never stupid. Even if it just means keeping their mouths shut when those stupid thoughts come up, you know? I've been known to open my mouth when I shouldn't and those moments, although few in reality, poke me and hurt me. Making me feel worse. I got so that I would automatically find that one thing, that ONE THING that I said or did, sometimes both, that humiliated me .. and I replayed that scene a gazillion times, baby. Over and over and over again until finally I got the picture that I was a failure. Now why do we DO THIS to ourselves????? There're people out there walking around not EVER questioning themselves.
Posted by sunny10 on April 14, 2005, at 14:02:28
In reply to Re: ((((AdaGrace)))) » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on April 14, 2005, at 13:20:44
If people NEVER question themselves, that is no more healthy than those of us who do way too much of it...that's just another type of self-delusion!
There's GOT to be a healthy medium somewhere and you, me, and AdaGrace have to find that and create a healthy kind of boundary to be able to keep that happy medium once we find it!!!
Being not-selfish enough is just as bad as being entirely selfish. Believe it or not, I've been told that just as many people get hurt in the long run either way... mostly because us "unselfish" people mostly just take it and take it and take it until we explode and our loved ones are doubly hurt and confused because they were used to being able to count on us remaining doormats...we "rock their world to pieces," too- in the long run...
Either way, no one wins.... happy medium is what WE need.... if I figure out how to accomplish that, I'll let you girls know!!!! And I hope if you figure it out, you'll let me know how!!!
Posted by AdaGrace on April 14, 2005, at 18:23:37
In reply to Re: ((((AdaGrace)))), posted by sunny10 on April 14, 2005, at 12:37:11
I haven't been following the boards very closely, but I think you have made some major changes in your life lately.
I envy you.
I'm a chicken sh*t
A scared frightened little girl who is afraid of the dark and all the unknown and all the known.
Afraid of my own shadow.
Afraid of public humiliation.
Afraid of hurting others.
Allowing myself to wither and die for fear of hurting others and my own pride.I'll live.
I'll live but I won't be alive.Sad to think of that actually.
When will it get better?
To get another job involves something more intricate than hurting co-workers, and management.Maybe I'll babblemail you on that one. But suffice it to say others would be directly and seriously affected and my life would never be the same. I should have listened to my mother.
She warned me about working with family.I want to be Alice.
I want to run away, simply run away, dissapear and become a waitress in a greasy spoon somewhere warm. Somewhere where noone knows me. Noone knows my history. Noone knows my past. Make a new start. Forget all my troubles and just drift away. Never to be seen again.
What would people think? What would people say?
Would I miss my kids? Probably. Would I miss my surroundings, well, I'd miss my flowers, my house, my yards....but I wouldn't miss the misserable people in my misserable life.I was called a c the other day. I was called the c and a f'in b. I can't believe I was called that. Guess I am though. Funny how that doesn't really matter to me anymore. I just don't care.
Posted by sunny10 on April 15, 2005, at 8:18:04
In reply to Re: ((((AdaGrace)))) » sunny10, posted by AdaGrace on April 14, 2005, at 18:23:37
I HATE those names...
In case you didn't know- I didn't actually make the changes... I was forced into it by physicl violence... sigh.. I am no stronger than you!
Certainly no one to envy!!
But maybe we should move to Florida together... warm, beaches, et cetera...
Working with family sounds like a nightmare... then again, the only family member I trust enough to work with would be my brother...But I still don't think I would do it...
Aaack- running away sounds SOOOOOOOOOOO good, doesn't it???
Posted by partlycloudy on April 15, 2005, at 9:34:38
In reply to Re: ((((AdaGrace)))), posted by sunny10 on April 15, 2005, at 8:18:04
...that I have a guest room ready for you?
pc
sweating it out in Florida
Posted by AdaGrace on April 15, 2005, at 10:25:42
In reply to Re: ((((AdaGrace)))), posted by sunny10 on April 15, 2005, at 8:18:04
Do they have "Greasy Spoons" in Florida?
Posted by AdaGrace on April 15, 2005, at 10:26:18
In reply to OK, who told you.... » sunny10, posted by partlycloudy on April 15, 2005, at 9:34:38
Can I have a Cabanna Boy?
Posted by partlycloudy on April 15, 2005, at 10:56:05
In reply to Re: OK, who told you.... » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on April 15, 2005, at 10:26:18
...on the label of a brand of rum :-(
(I'd say you'd have to head to Miami for some good pickings on that front...)
I live in God's Waiting Room. Lots of cars being driven by what we call Q-Tips down here. Maybe you could do an Anna Nicole Smith and find a sugar daddy instead?
pc
Posted by sunny10 on April 15, 2005, at 11:33:13
In reply to I think they are only available » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on April 15, 2005, at 10:56:05
now there's an idea, pc.... pick one who hasn't heard of Viagra and get treated like a queen...
as long as they're too weak to abuse me, maybe that's the way I should go....
Posted by partlycloudy on April 15, 2005, at 12:23:34
In reply to Re: I think they are only available, posted by sunny10 on April 15, 2005, at 11:33:13
That's the spirit!
This is the end of the thread.
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