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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on October 6, 2007, at 17:03:57
So I guess I'm in a crisis. My T is really worried about me. I'm feeling a little bit better the past hour or two (ie, not about to burst into tears any second) but I'm just distracted, can't concentrate, not doing well. Depressed. My T wanted me to go to health services at the university and see if they'd give me a sedative. I won't, for a variety of reasons. I'm not especially anxious or anything, I just think he's really worried and wants me to rest and be gentle with myself, which is really hard for me to do. I feel like a failure at life.
He said maybe we should back off talking about the memories a little and focus on coping until I get back on a more even keel. I didn't tell, and maybe I will, that that made me feel like more of a failure. But I know he just wants to protect me. He's really nice. He told me to take the stone he gave me and put it somewhere in the room where there was enough room for him to sit so that there's a place in my room that I can look at and he can be with me when I need him to be there.
I talked to him on the phone this morning. He sounded really worried. He really wanted me to go get the sedative (although he wasn't sure if they'd prescribe it or not) and he said, "I just don't want you to end up in the hospital because you can't manage how you're feeling, sunnydays." I said, "But I am managing," and he said, "Well, I didn't mean jumping out a window or anything." I didn't ask because I was a little freaked out, but what did he mean then? What else would be not managing bad enough to be hospitalized? I eat, I try to sleep, although that is less successful sometimes than others. I don't SI.
Have any of you felt like this? What did it feel like to you? Does it get better soon or slow?
sunnydays
Posted by happyflower on October 6, 2007, at 17:10:31
In reply to crisis, posted by sunnydays on October 6, 2007, at 17:03:57
Sunny,
I am not sure if I know what is going on but I am worried too. But you sound strong to me, but just scared. What is going on? Would it help to talk on babble about it? I like what your T said about that stone, I wish I had a stone, you are very lucky. You will be okay sunny, bad feelings do eventually pass. Do something for yourself, I have Dory some idea above that works for me. YOu have a lot of people who care about you on babble , lean on us if you need to, okay.
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2007, at 17:30:56
In reply to crisis, posted by sunnydays on October 6, 2007, at 17:03:57
Sunnydays, there's nothing wrong with taking medication as needed. As Happyflower pointed out, it doesn't make you weaker, it shows your strength to make a decision that's healthy for you.
I also think you should listen to your therapist about pacing. It doesn't make you a failure to pace properly. That's how it's supposed to be done.
I couldn't get by without Risperdal at times, which acts as a tranquilizer when I'm in extreme distress. I don't think it makes me weak, and neither does my therapist. He wants to be there as much as he can for me, but there are limits to what he can do. And I need to work and take care of my family in the meantime.
(((Sunnydays)))
You've got a good therapist who wants what's best for you. That's a good thing for you to know and hold on to. But it might also be good to trust him in real life ways too.
Posted by Dory on October 6, 2007, at 18:47:22
In reply to crisis, posted by sunnydays on October 6, 2007, at 17:03:57
Posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 22:13:07
In reply to crisis, posted by sunnydays on October 6, 2007, at 17:03:57
Sorry ((( SD )))
Hope this settles soon.
Its hard to think clearly when you are where you are.
And it DOES pass.
Try and trust your T's judgement, he seems good.
He is an outside observer really, so let him help.
Manoman, I am SO NOT med compliant, but I gotta say, there's been times I have been thankful beyond beleif that they were available to me...
Working thru inside stuff is one of the hardest things EVER to do. You have shown yourself to be very brave.
But EVERYBODY goto take a break now and again. Even our T's! Thats why they have holidays!
Before we even dig into 'stuff', we should be trained in 'coping' stuff. And sometimes we need to stop, breath, and reassess what coping methods are/are not, working for us. Cuz while in the thick of it, we sometimes get bogged down and kinda lost.
When I get lost, we usu have easy sessions where my t just grounds me and teaches me basic non threatening stuff.
If she knows I really getting messed, she'll take me for a walk(good muffy doggy!).
So do take care.
Don't be freaked or nothing.
Its good cuz your T seems to be right on top of things and doesn't want to wait until it gets really bad before taking some preventative action.
You doing GOOD work SD.
Give yourself permission for a break.
A time for some T visits that are just for calming and simple learning. NOT digging.
Take good care,
M
Posted by Poet on October 7, 2007, at 13:31:22
In reply to crisis, posted by sunnydays on October 6, 2007, at 17:03:57
Hi Sunnydays,
I know the feeling of being a failure at life very well. Depression turns things that I can normally cope with into monsters. I don't like taking meds, but have finally accepted that sometimes talking, thinking, denying are not going to cut through my foggy brain.
My T has asked a lot more lately when I am seeing Dr. Clueless again. She's worried about me, and as much as that makes me feel guilty it does help to know she cares about me. Try to remember that your T cares about you and is trying to think of ways to help you.
Post on how you are doing.
Poet
Posted by rskontos on October 7, 2007, at 14:30:10
In reply to Re: crisis » sunnydays, posted by Poet on October 7, 2007, at 13:31:22
Sunnydays, I was trying to do it with meds and my T was supporting on it but now that I know I can't she is with me and supports me. I too am too depressed and anxious to be able to function without something. I feel like a big flat nothing. So I understand and it is ok to admit you need something. I am seeing a neuro who actually wrote the script for me and gave me samples for 7 weeks to try something first to see if it works. So if you have a good T and sounds like you do try to follow their advice but let T know how you feel do. Hope you feel better and let us know. rk
Posted by sunnydays on October 7, 2007, at 17:43:52
In reply to crisis, posted by sunnydays on October 6, 2007, at 17:03:57
Hi,
Thank you all for your responses. I am actually feeling a lot better today, which adds to the guilty feeling that I'm really making it all up. But I can't be. Today I was able to get a lot done and actually felt cheerful for a time in the late afternoon, but now it feels like sadness and being overwhelmed is sinking over me again. I hate how my moods are so unpredictable - it's so frustrating. I don't understand how I can be so incredibly bad feeling for two days and then suddenly be happy for a few hours today. What is wrong with me? The failure feelings are coming back strongly.As far as the sedative, that isn't the only thing I take. We're working on finding an antidepressant that will work. I think he just wants to make sure I'm getting enough sleep. I tend to have trouble sleeping when I'm like this.
I feel really overwhelmed again, so I have to stop.
sunnydays
Posted by rskontos on October 7, 2007, at 19:42:59
In reply to no longer crisis, posted by sunnydays on October 7, 2007, at 17:43:52
Sunnyd, that is how depression often works at least for me, You have a good day and several bad. YOu get stuff done and then you don't. I have always used getting stuff down to drown out my voices and when I can't I get depressed. My T said I have likely been depressed my whole life. I masked it well.
I understand and You are not a failure. Your system is just out of whacked, it is chemical not you and it is not made up. Depression is not something you can just decide to go away and poof it well. So don't feel guilty and think you made it up just because for a while it went away. That is depression.
Taking yourself away from it by doing something is helpful. You are handling the best you can until the right meds are found. Reading a book, walking, mediating, taking a warm bath, are all ways to help relief it. I clean my house, it helps. I work on my writing. I walk my dogs, I try and exercise, all this helps to relieve it. That is what you did but it will come back until when I don't know until maybe we are healed if that is possible I have hope. You should too. When you get overwhlemed try to find an outlet and see if that helps for a while. That is sometimes the best baby steps for now until your T can help find other solutions. Hang in there. rk
Posted by sunnydays on October 7, 2007, at 21:25:40
In reply to Re: no longer crisis, posted by rskontos on October 7, 2007, at 19:42:59
Thank you so much rskontos. Your post helped me a lot. I've never ever heard someone describe depression in that way, and I always felt like a freak because my depression went away sometimes and then came back. I had always thought depression was always there every moment. Thank you so much. I'm trying so hard to hang in there. It's just really difficult.
sunnydays
Posted by DAisym on October 8, 2007, at 14:50:21
In reply to Re: no longer crisis » rskontos, posted by sunnydays on October 7, 2007, at 21:25:40
Hi Sunny,
I'm glad you are feeling better. I always feel like people think I'm making up how bad I feel because I function most of the time really well. But when I STOP for even a second, the cloud drops down and I feel it all, sometimes even more acutely.
Sleeping is huge. When I don't sleep, I go south in a hurry. I added in a tiny bit of a mood stabalizer this summer and it helps. Perhaps bring this up with your psychiatrist.
I love that your therapist wants to be with you and his suggestion of finding a place where he would fit. Does this mean that they don't fit under our pillows?
Take care,
Daisy
Posted by sunnydays on October 8, 2007, at 20:54:55
In reply to Re: no longer crisis » sunnydays, posted by DAisym on October 8, 2007, at 14:50:21
Well Daisy, I think maybe your T fits under your pillow, but my T definitely doesn't! He told me that he was comfortable on the floor, on a stool, leaning against the wall, whatever, just make sure there was enough room because he had big hips! But he got stiff so he had to leave. So now I just carry around the stone a lot. And he comes and tucks me in at night and tells me I'm going to be ok and that I'm safe. And he comes other times when I need him too. (For anyone else who might be reading this, it's all in my imagination, not anything literal).
I actually already tried the adding a mood stabilizer thing and it didn't work. I also have switched psychiatrists and I don't think she really thinks that's a good idea.
It was a rough day. Somehow I've agreed to go back to the group from last spring I had such a hard time with. I don't know how I end up agreeing to these things. It's still not definite because the time of the group might not fit my schedule, but still.
Feeling a little bit overwhelmed tonight again. I really wanted to call my T, but I'm afraid he'll be mad at me, so I didn't.
sunnydays
Posted by RealMe on October 8, 2007, at 21:45:46
In reply to no longer crisis, posted by sunnydays on October 7, 2007, at 17:43:52
You are not a failure; backing off to regroup is a postitive thing. Think of it this way; you will learn some ways to regroup on your own when you need to. Also, therapy is not a linear process. There are ups and downs. You have noted that in me, and one day I will need your support again. I don't take that as failure but as just part of the process of therapy.
RealMe
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