![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 7 to 31 of 31. Go back in thread:
Posted by frida on October 3, 2005, at 21:03:51
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
Dear Dinah,
I'm in tears thinking about all the stress you're going through and what is happening with your therapist.
I'm relieved that he did make you feel he cares about you deeply after all you have shared together.
This seems like a horrible nightmare :-(
I hope you can see him, I feel that you two care so deeply, that you'll find a way to continue T with him...
I hope you can feel some connection with the new T.i'm so sorry.
my heart goes out to youthinking of you and sending you all my support
Frida
> I don't know yet. She's ok with long term therapy. That's good. She seems nice enough, but pretty and stylish enough to be a bit intimidating to me. (How do people manage to walk in backless sandals without falling down?)
>
> It was mostly dry discussions of the get to know you sort. Whenever something more delicate came up, I pretty much shut down and went blank. :(
>
> I wonder if a woman can possibly help me feel safe. My significant positive caretaking figures have almost all been men. She doesn't have a deep voice, or a way of saying that everything will be ok, even when it's pretty obvious it won't be. :(((((
>
> As far as the rest of my life... Well, some of you might remember my emetophobia. I'm scared of people throwing up around me. I had gotten it a lot under control, but in the stress of the hurricane and everything, it's come back full force.
>
> My inlaws are living with us. My grandmother in law overexerted herself climbing up the four inch and six inch threshold to our house (that kept us from flooding, blessed thresholds) and promptly threw up. I was instantly thrown back into my adolescent fear and tried desparately to get away. I couldn't. My tire was flat. I had nowhere to go anyway. My mother's house isn't really liveable, and it's long been contaminated anyway. (She is planning to live there though, while she's fixing stuff up.) My office is destroyed, although we have moved to a barely habitable one that at least has a roof. But I can't stay there.
>
> So I called my pdoc (who incidentally will probably also be relocating to another city so I'll have to either find a new one or transfer my meds management to my internist). He increased my Risperdal from .25 mg as infrequently needed to 1 mg twice a day. With that, added klonopin, and spending my time holed up in my study or our bedroom with the doors closed and the tv all the way up (with videos because we have no tv service) or with my ipod blasting in my earphones, I've managed - barely - to stay here. I spent more than one night curled up on the floor of my closet.
>
> I feel terrible. I like my inlaws. My father in law is my favorite relative on either side of the family. But I can't shake this obsessive fear, and I've been avoiding them like the plague. I just feel terrible.
>
> My husband is trying to find alternative housing for them, and in fact found a place in an assisted living facility in another city (nothing in our area). But my father in law is declining so rapidly that we're not sure assisted living will be enough. We're worried about sending him there when what he may need is a nursing home. The assisted living facility has assured my husband that they will be able to handle it, and if they can't they can help place him where he'll get the care they need.
>
> I'm worried about that very dear man. He isn't eating or drinking enough and is growing weaker and weaker. His depression at his wife's death in December is being compounded by effectively being homeless temporarily and losing most of his possessions permanently. He's wasting away before our eyes.
>
> And I worry that we are getting rid of them by sending them someplace out of the city. But there is nothing in the city, and both my husband and I work and basically they are not getting the care they need here at the house. And most of the sitting services have lost most of their workers. Not that our house can accomodate another person. The dogs are being boarded as it is because the inlaws are so fragile.
>
> My *real* therapist (sigh), and my new therapist both assure me that we're doing the right thing. There are just no services in the city. Even if I didn't have these obsessions to deal with, we can't spend the time taking care of them because we're both working as well as dealing with the disaster around us. Yet I know if it weren't for the fact that I can't bear to stay here with my obsessions my husband would try harder to keep them here. I feel so terrible. I wish I could explain to them, but my husband doesn't want them to know. So they just think I don't like them, and that I'm a rude b*tch.
>
> The stress is unbelievable. I'm trying to occupy myself with the idea of moving to Huntsville, but in the back of my mind is the idea that maybe my therapy isn't really over forever, and that my son's school is absolutely perfect for him and there is no equivilant school in Huntsville, and that neither my husband and I have ever had another job in our entire working lives. College (or before college for me) and twenty years later we're still here. I'm not sure that stress would be any less than this stress.
>
> But at least it's keeping me busy.
>
> I could take all of it, if I had my therapist. And I made him defensive and irritated telling him so (GOOD!!!!).
>
> I guess the good news is that I finally believe that I am special to him, not just another client, and that he cares for me as much as someone not related by blood or marriage can care for someone.
>
> The bad news is that that doesn't matter one whit.
>
> How do you make tears in writing?
Posted by crushedout on October 3, 2005, at 21:20:23
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
I'm glad you're seeing a new T and I know how hard that is. I wish I knew what else to say. I am hopeful for you, but I know how hard it can be to feel hopeful for yourself. i wish i could hug you.
Posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 21:43:12
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
It was only the first session. I think it's okay that you didn't feel comfortable sharing everything at first. It takes time to build a new relationship, and time to get to know one another's communicative style. Especially for you, your superb way with words, I imagined you'll need sometime to understand her verbal prose. The fact that you are willing to see her again, is the first step (okay, the second step).
I am one of the few babblers with a female T. I think one can become just as attached, or not, with a woman. My T is beautiful too, but not intimidating. And as much as I could possibly feel comfortable talking about sex to anyone, I do feel I can attempt these conversations to the best of my ability.
Maybe you haven't talked to her enough to hear her voice that tells you everything will be okay. But you will.
Trust that your father-in-law knows what a difficult time this is for everybody. He knows you enough to know that you are not a b*tch. I would be one to let him know why I am hiding in my bedroom, so he wouldn't take it personally. Your husband must have reasons why he wants to keep that information secretive.
When do you see T2 again? And are you able to see your main T once a week still?
Thinking about you,
Annie
Posted by fallsfall on October 3, 2005, at 21:56:46
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
Dinah,
I am so proud of you for going to see the new therapist.
I am so proud of you for going to see the new therapist.
And you are such a caring and compassionate person. Your in-laws know that. Why is your husband so adamant about "hiding" your phobia?
I wish your father-in-law strength and hope for the future.
I wish for you comfort and (even small) periods of peace.
I think that you are doing an admirable job in an impossible situation.
Posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 22:05:15
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
Hi Dinah,
I know how much T1 meant to you. Try to give T2 a chance- you barely know each other, maybe a female T can make you feel safe.
I don't think a male therapist would make me feel anymore safe than my female one does. I guess it's because I don't see her as a mommy, but someone who accepts and understands me. Right now T's understanding is a bit lacking, but she accepts me phobias, fears, self hatred and all.
You are under so much stress, I can't imagine how you are coping. I'd be screaming and climbing the walls.
I think you should trust the assited living staff to know if your father-in-law needs more intensive care. I know that you want to help him yourself, but you have so much else to cope with right now, this might be too much for you.
They probably would like to get back to living in their own space. In any case they better not think you are being a rude b*tch for needing some personal time.
You are special to T1- I can tell by the posts you've done about therapy. I hope you become special to T2 or 3 or however many it takes before you find the one that is the perfect match for you. Don't say there isn't one. If I can get a T to care about stubborn, difficult, hostile me, there is one for stubborn, difficult, more concerned than hostile you.
I don't know what the cyber abbreviation for tears should be. Maybe ''''? In which case, we need a cyber abbreviation for tissues.
Safe cyber hugs. (((((((((((Dinah)))))))))))
Poet
Posted by LadyBug on October 3, 2005, at 22:35:48
In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 22:05:15
I have a female T. and I love her and can't even imaging going to a male. But then my childhood issues had to do with my mom but that shouldn't matter. I think females are more emotionaly understanding about other females. The first time I saw her, my first thought was, she's kinda nerdy!!! But I didn't care, I needed some major help and was willing to talk to a rock at the time!! We've grown so close over the years.
I know it will be a challenge for you to "start over" with someone else. Your REAL T knows everything about you. It will take time for the new T. to get to know you. But look at it this way, you will learn from her and everything you learned from your Real T. will stay will you!!! FOREVER, that is what is comforting about it. You have him inside of you and nothing can change that. So getting to know a new T. will take time. I'm proud of you for going to a new one. You need the support right now. I wish I could rebuild your home and everything could go back to normal, what ever normal was. Hang Tough Dinah!!! You've been through a lot!!!!
Hugs and Thoughts always
LadyBug
Posted by fairywings on October 3, 2005, at 23:50:20
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
OMGosh Dinah,
Just reading this my heart just bleeds for you. How does one person endure so much heartache? I agree, the new T doesn't sound warm and fuzzy. It would be so hard to trust, to open up in normal times, let alone in a time like this, when you need someone so desparately. No, "just pretty enough to be intimidating", doesn't work for therapy. A comfortable man, no matter how young, old, fat, thin, handsome, or ugly, as long as he's comfy, sounds like that's what you need until you can get back to your T. Nothing against female T's, but I'm the same way, something about attachment, I just don't attach to female T's, they're more like an aunt or something.
As for your father in law. I am so dearly sorry for you and for your husband, it has to be heartwrenching for both of you because you love him so much. And I'm sorry for him because he misses his wife. My grandfather went through that when his wife died, I think a lot of older ppl do, they just want to be with their loved one again.
You have all been dealt a hand that is so out of your control, no one could have seen it coming. The rug has truly been pulled out from under you. This hurricane, these hurricanes, have done unspeakable damage to so many lives, and I'm so sorry you have been so overwhelmingly devastated physically and emotionally. And then add to it your T was swept away, your p-doc isn't as available as you need him to be, your illness has been exaserbated, your home is crowded, your jobs are in question.
It's amazing that you are holding together at all. You really are amazing Dinah. I know that you feel that you are falling apart, but from where I sit, you are amazing, and I only wish there were something I could do or say to make a difference.
Just know that I'm thinking of you and that I care.
fw
Posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 3:02:09
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
(((((((Dinah))))))))
I am so glad to see you post
I've missed you so much
I wish I could bundle up you and your t and your husband and your son and your dogs and your in laws and your work and your sons school and relocate everything down the road from me :-)I'm really proud of you going to a new t too :-)
Really very.
And it really does sound like things went well
And of course they are going to take some time before you feel anything like comfortable around her.
I don't know how people can walk in those kinds of shoes either.
Maybe thats something you could ask her ;-)I tend to get on better with male clincians too.
Something more reassuring
I dunno...
But that being said
Even though I'd pick a guy for preference
Turns out the best t I ever had was female
Not motherly...
But kind of like a big sister
Or something...Different...
And sometimes different can be good
But you can get as attached
Maybe you can
But it will take some timeMy thoughts really are with you
((((Dinah)))))
Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42
In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 3:02:09
It's been tough. I'm up and tearful tonight. Why do things hurt worse at night? I miss my therapist so much, and maybe no therapist can help me right now when I'm in so much pain from that.
It helps a lot to know that I have such wonderful support here on the board. I'm sorry I've been distant. Everything's just really hard to talk about.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 3:25:06
In reply to Thank everyone, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42
> It's been tough. I'm up and tearful tonight. Why do things hurt worse at night?
((((Dinah))))
I find that things are worse for me at night and early in the morning. I think... That when I am tired things affect me more.>I miss my therapist so much, and maybe no therapist can help me right now when I'm in so much pain from that.
I think it is pretty understandable that you miss him :-(
You saw him fairly often over a fairly long period of time...
But there are other things going on in your life too (the fear of vomiting etc) that your new t might well be able to help you with...
> It helps a lot to know that I have such wonderful support here on the board.:-)
And you have been such a wonderful support to so very many others...
I'm just sorry that things are so hard for you and your family at the moment.>I'm sorry I've been distant. Everything's just really hard to talk about.
((((Dinah)))))
(Sorry I'm doing that a lot. I wish I could give you a real hug)
You don't have to apologise...
I find it hard to know what to say too...But I'm glad you are able to share some of that with us.
I'm so glad you are here
Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:26:23
In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 21:43:12
I guess I'll venture to tell what happened with my old therapist. Everything has been sort of one step after another, and maybe that makes things easier, but it seems like it's one painful blow after another.
First it was that he had moved three hours away, and I could drive to see him, and he could see me here as long as he had an engagement in our city once a week, which he was confident that he could do. Then it was that he was going to be on an assignment where I couldn't visit him in Lafayette but I could still see him on his day in N.O. for a double session. Then it was that he was going to Europe for a month, with the ability to go three months a year. He's honest in that he's not sure if he's going to do that or not. Finances are an issue.
The truth is that I need more support than that in times like this, and that the uncertainty is very very bad for me. Unfortanately since therapists aren't like washing machines, I'm not sure finding another one will serve what I need.
We have an appointment scheduled for Monday, but I'm leaving town Friday and not returning till Wednesday so I need to call her to find out if we should make other arrangements or just skip a week.
She really tried to get me to talk about my therapist leaving, but I couldn't. I tried to explain about my dissociative problems but found it too distressing to do more than mutter and change the topic. I have something written on that somewhere, and maybe I can bring it in with me. I wish my therapist had had a chance to explain things to her. It would have made things easier.
I was scattered, probably said contradictory things, and forgot what I was saying quite a bit. Perhaps I can blame the sudden increase in Risperdal, but.... I think there's a part of me that resents "replacing" my therapist and doesn't want to cooperate.
God, I miss my therapist, flaws and all.
Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:32:04
In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on October 3, 2005, at 21:56:46
I'm afraid I never understand my husband's thinking. :) That was the major focus of today's session, and I'm not sure I was fair because I presented more of my husband's flaws than strengths. So little time.
But the rule in our family is that we are each in charge of dealing with our own families. Though honestly that works more with his family than mine.
I think I resent that he didn't allow my father to come to my home when my mother refused to get him proper care as he was dying, while being ok with bringing his family home. And he's adamant that he doesn't want my mother around right now, not even to help care for her dogs which are living with us right now.
I know he's in an impossible situation, and I really try to keep that in mind, but I can't help but remember the times I was in impossible situations.
Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:34:35
In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 22:05:15
I think I like that abbreviation for tears. :)
If I'm holding it together at all right now, it's due to the enormous increase in Risperdal. I ran out last night and the difference is staggering.
Antipsychotics seem to agree with me.
Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:39:34
In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by fairywings on October 3, 2005, at 23:50:20
Again, the Risperdal is responsible for any functionality I have. That and occupying myself with my imaginary move. Which may well be imaginary. I'm not sure I can drag my son from his truly ideal school.
And just maybe, like the Netherlands, we can trust the government to put in floodwalls that won't give out. The hurricane didn't cause the major problem. The failure of the canal floodwalls did. :(
Maybe we'd be better off staying here.
But on the other hand, there is probably no harm in preparing our home for sale. If nothing else, it will give our house a nice refurbishing.
Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:40:27
In reply to :-), posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 3:25:06
Posted by fallsfall on October 4, 2005, at 6:56:21
In reply to Thank everyone, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42
It is really hard to start with a different therapist. She will never be the same as your first therapist. Can you look at it as a *different* kind of therapy? Maybe even with different goals?
Of course you miss your first therapist. When I changed therapists we talked about my first one for 2 months or more (twice a week). He really was able to help me with my grief about leaving her. And it may take some time before you can talk about him with her. That's OK, too. Give yourself the time. Do what you can, and forgive what you can't. Some of the things that made it hard for you to talk to her are the very reasons that you are there. So you could think of it that you are giving her a demonstration of what some of your issues are - that is productive!
Can you see her before you leave on your trip? I hate to think of you skipping a week. Remember you were going 3/week or 2/week before. You need the support right now. Does she have another appointment available this week?
She may or may not be a long term therapist for you (because you may not stay in the area, because she may not meet your needs). Can you try to let her help you in the here and now? You can worry about the future in the future.
Pharmacies should not run out of the meds that we need!!!!!!!!!
I'm here, cheering you on.
Love,
Falls.
Posted by Annierose on October 4, 2005, at 7:44:36
In reply to Re: New therapist » Annierose, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:26:23
Dinah -
I know it's so hard to write about this, but I think it will serve some purpose ... getting those thoughts to paper is a helpful exercise (or so they say).
I agree with Falls, can you try to get in sooner? Does she work with clients more than once a week? Two weeks inbetween sessions seems like such a long time when you are rowing up stream with no paddles.
Is your son's school open? How wonderful if it is. I thought it was under lots of water. He really needs that routine.
I think the more you go to therapy with this new T (who will never ever replace your main guy), the easier it will get to talk about T1. I think grieving is appropriate here, even if you still get to see him on occasion, it isn't the same on-going 3 times per week sessions you had. I am so proud of you for giving her at least a chance. HUGE STEP!
Posted by fairywings on October 4, 2005, at 9:41:47
In reply to Thank everyone, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42
I find that too, night is always worse. I hope you find comfort in knowing that if you can just make it through, the day usually seems better.
fw
Posted by JenStar on October 4, 2005, at 11:28:01
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
hi Dinah,
you ARE special to your T and to everybody who knows you! :) I'm glad you realize how much you mean to him. Losing you is a big loss to HIM, too. You can't spend so many years with somebody and NOT miss them -- it's simply impossible! It will be a mourning process for you both.It does sound like he's making a positive situation out of this crisis and branching out into something new and ultimately rewarding and exciting. I hope you will do the same -- use this as an opportunity to do things that will help you grow.
I'm so sorry that you have to start over with a new T, but I hope she'll end up being OK.Maybe she can be a 'bridge' T until you find a male T that you click with, or maybe she'll even develop into your 'real' T over time. I'm glad you're giving it a chance. I think it's brave of you!
To me it sounds like you're coping remarkably well given the circs, although I'm sad to hear that you had to curl up in the closet.
I know the elderly parent thing is so hard...a nursing home/place is better than YOUR home, though, because they can get round-the-clock care. And you won't need to deal with "emet" anymore!
What do you think about telling the in-laws about your phobias and issues - do you think it would be too much of a burden, or do you think it would ease their minds and help understand your behavior?
I know your husband doesn't want them to know, but do you think that telling them would actually maybe help the situation? I don't know the answer, but I'm wondering if you've given it some thought? If you really like them and trust them, maybe they could handle it?
Maybe you could even say something like, "I want you to know that i love you dearly. If it seems like i'm avoiding you, it's only because I'm so broken inside about this whole move and leaving my safe home base. Somehow I handle the stress best when I'm alone. So I'm sorry I don't spend as much time with you as I'd like, but I'm just trying to hang on to my sanity here, and being by myself helps me stay calm and in control of my emotions. I hope to get over this eventually, but I hope you understnad that my actions are not personal and I'm just trying to cope as best I can."
That way you wouldn't divulge and personal details about specific issues or phobias, but you'd also ease their minds a bit? But I don't know! I'm not in your shoes, so all of my suggestions might be totally silly given the circumstances! :)
Anyway, I'm sorry you're sad, and I'm here to listen and offer my (possibly awful) advice any chance i get. :) I hope you're well. I'm thinking of you and hoping you continue to thrive! :)JenStar
Posted by gardenergirl on October 4, 2005, at 12:05:58
In reply to Re: New therapist » Annierose, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:26:23
Hi Dinah,
I wish I had something golden or even brass to say. I'm just glad that you are seeking support in such an extraordinary mess. I'm so glad you met with another T. Take it easy on yourself. It sounds like a pretty normal first session. (I know it's been awhile for you...) ;)And about those sandals. In my case, they have to be pretty substantial on the rest of the foot. No way can I do those skinny straps. And a bit of stretch is good, too.
(((dinah))))
Keep breathing. One moment at a time.
gg
Posted by Shortelise on October 4, 2005, at 12:58:19
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
Dear Dinah,
I just don't know what to say - so many difficult things are happening in your life, so much change, so much sadness. May I just say that I feel for you? I do.
ShortE
Posted by Damos on October 4, 2005, at 17:22:31
In reply to Thank everyone, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42
Just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of support and encouragement.
I'm proud of you for going to see another therapist. I'm proud of you for so many things in so many ways. You're amazing, A-MAZING.
You're really special to us and I'm sure to your 'T' as well.
The father-in-law thing is tough. Remember my parents going at it hammer and tongs over what was best for my grandfather (who fought tooth and nail not to go), and when he finally got there he loved it, and was happier than he'd been in a decade.
Thoughts and wishes to you all.
Posted by All Done on October 4, 2005, at 18:30:04
In reply to Thank everyone, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42
Hi, Dinah.
I'm glad you went to see another T, but I'm sorry it hurts so much. You need someone who's going to be available for you. I know there's no denying that it's going to take a while before you feel really comfortable with her, but at least you've started the ball rolling and it will get better and easier. Baby steps.
(((((Dinah and Dinah's family)))))
I'm keeping you all in my prayers.
Laurie
Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:29:31
In reply to Re: Thank everyone » Dinah, posted by Damos on October 4, 2005, at 17:22:31
Assisted living looks like it's going to work out ok, and I felt my stress level decline significantly last night. It felt good to sleep in silence instead of with music blaring. And I hear my inlaws even ate well at the new place.
T2 seems to expect that I'll be going to see her twice a week since I went twice a week to my other therapist. But I don't really think it's necessary at this point, because at this point we don't have the relationship where therapy is all that helpful. Maybe we'll get there by my going once a week, but I'd rather save the money, which is very tight right now.
My son is in his temporary school. Since it's in the same organization of schools as his regular school, they're very supportive of his being there one semester and then returning. In fact they've been pretty open about the fact that they want it that way, and anyone wishing to stay after their regular schools are up and running will have to apply in the normal channels.
I'm not sure he likes it or not. His old best friend from preschool goes there. They've kept in touch with occasional visits, but the boy has his own set of friends at his school, and doesn't want to have much to do with my son. It's understandable of course, they've moved on to other close friendships. But I think that more than anything hurts my son a lot.
It's also a big culture shock because this school is really into discipline and math drills and traditional concepts like tests and grades. :) My son's old school never had a math drill in the time he's been there. They're into concepts and applications. So my son who has always performed a grade higher than expected in math is doing poorly, and that's also upsetting to him. But it might be good for him, because if we move he'll have to attend a more traditional school anyway.
Sigh.
I'm a hundred percent sure his play therapist isn't in the area. Her work areas were heavily flooded and are inaccessible. And her email address isn't working, although I hope it will eventually so that I can ask her about possible replacements. This is such a stressful time for everyone.
Posted by Tamar on October 5, 2005, at 17:09:00
In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16
Wow, Dinah, you’re very brave to go to a new therapist. I can imagine you miss your ‘real’ therapist terribly. And it must be incredibly difficult to try to start working with someone new; someone who doesn’t know your situation or your ways of dealing with things, or the issues that your other therapist is so familiar with that you don’t have to spell them out.
You are truly an amazing person. It takes real courage to do what you’re doing.
I sometimes think the worst thing about a disaster isn’t the disaster itself – adrenaline keeps most people going through a disaster. It’s the aftermath. It’s the tedium of getting things back where they should be, interspersed with the gut-wrenching pain of loss when you’re all out of adrenaline and exhaustion has set in.
The situation with your in-laws must be extremely difficult. It’s hard to balance what’s best for you with what’s best for them, especially in the current circumstances. I guess if I were in your situation I’d just explain about the emetophobia, even against your husband’s wishes, but at the same time I can imagine that he might think it’s difficult to explain to elderly people who might not understand. But you know you’re not a rude b*tch, and I know you’re not a rude b*tch, and I’m sure your in-laws know you’re not a rude b*tch. At the very least, the trauma of the last few weeks should be enough to explain anyone’s behaviour.
Can CBT techniques help with your emetophobia, at least in the short term? I know you’ve had the horrific experience of being confronted with an actual incidence of your phobia. But is there any way you can rationalise it and come to believe it’s not likely to happen again? Or do you find that impossible to imagine?
> I could take all of it, if I had my therapist. And I made him defensive and irritated telling him so (GOOD!!!!).
Yeah, well, he should be able to take it.
> I guess the good news is that I finally believe that I am special to him, not just another client, and that he cares for me as much as someone not related by blood or marriage can care for someone.
This made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I’m sure he loves you very much. Who wouldn’t love you? You’re wonderful.
> The bad news is that that doesn't matter one whit.
Yeah. Love isn’t always enough. It sounds as if he’s in a life crisis and he still doesn’t know what he’s going to do. But I hope he will continue to consider you a priority. I’m sure he gets a lot of satisfaction from his work with you, so I hope he’ll keep thinking of you when he’s considering his plans for the near future. If I were in your position I’d keep in regular contact, just to be sure he knows you still want him as your therapist.
> How do you make tears in writing?
(((((Dinah)))))
I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I wish I could help. You’re in my prayers (and I don’t do a lot of praying…)
Tamar
This is the end of the thread.
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