![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fairywings on August 13, 2005, at 20:42:52
I haven't posted for quite a long time because I have been pretty upset. It didn't work out with the T I was seeing. I got a lot accomplished, I liked him - even though he was harsh sometimes, he validated things that I had a lot of guilt about, he pointed out my irrational thinking, he helped me see things I could improve - which I have, but he forced me to take a good look at things about myself that aren't so great, things that I think conflicted with him, which in turn caused me to do some work on myself. So that's the good part.
The last session (almost 2 weeks ago) was good, then took a turn for the worse. I said something not really thinking much about it, and then he asked me a few questions that he shouldn't have asked. Anyway, I answered them, and it didn't go well from there. He went on vacation, and I cancelled my appt. I'm not seeing him any more, and I'm sorry it didn't work out, and yet I think, in the long run, it will be for the best. I think I'm going to try to start over with someone my p-doc recommended.
Anyway, I have a question. That T suggested I read "Homecoming" by John Bradshaw. It's about reclaiming your inner child, which I like the concept of, but now, I find that the inner child, as maybe a 5 or 6 year old, is present a lot more than I anticipated. Is that normal? Will it subside? Not that I want to "get rid" of that part of me, it's just that I already have 4 kids, and too much chatter, I really didn't know this would happen. It's not constant or anything, but now I'm afraid to go forward and work on any other parts of me, for fear that I'll have them in my head all the time too. They weren't there before. I don't want to reject parts of me, but I just can't deal with that. What do I do? Has anyone read this book, has anyone done inner child work, and is this normal? What happens now? Do I keep going, or is it likely that I'll end up with parts if I keep going?
fairywings
Posted by daisym on August 13, 2005, at 23:04:28
In reply to Failure/Inner Child Work, posted by fairywings on August 13, 2005, at 20:42:52
I'm sorry things with the therapist didn't work out. I know you tried to make it work. Were the questions he was asking too hard, asked too soon, or just off base? This might help you understand why the book has caused such an intense reaction from you.
I haven't read the book, so I don't know what it might trigger. But it seems to me that memories ebb and flow, like when your siblings are around you remember more things from your childhood, when your college roommates are around, you think about college, etc. So reading the book has opened up this area of your life and you are revisiting it for a little while. My best guess is that unless there is trauma of some sort to be worked on at this age, when you visit the next set of memories, maybe at a 10 year old you, the 6 year old will receed.
I could be way off base, of course, because I don't know your childhood. I will say that being in parts and pieces is very disconcerting. If it hadn't happened to me I would never have believed how intense and real these younger parts are.
I hope the new therapist can help you sort some of this out.
Daisy
Posted by fairywings on August 14, 2005, at 10:06:12
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work » fairywings, posted by daisym on August 13, 2005, at 23:04:28
> I'm sorry things with the therapist didn't work out. I know you tried to make it work. Were the questions he was asking too hard, asked too soon, or just off base? This might help you understand why the book has caused such an intense reaction from you.
hi Daisy,
thanks for getting back to me, i appreciate it so much. the questions he asked were inappropriate. i think he had his own issues that conflicted with his ability to treat me. they were questions regarding our financial situation, which weren't relevent. There were some other things, and it just made me realize i didn't feel as comfortable with him as i'd like to. i was also told by one of the front desk people that my appts ran about 10 15 min. shorter than his other patients. i feel really stupid for trying to make it work, but despite it all, i still like him and still feel like i got a lot out of it. glutton for punishment?
as far as my past, i was emotionally abused by my parents and one sibling, molested by a female teenage neighbor at age 7, raped at age 14, had the "therapy from hell" after the rape, and in two bad car accidents before i was 20. none of it was worked out.
> I could be way off base, of course, because I don't know your childhood. I will say that being in parts and pieces is very disconcerting. If it hadn't happened to me I would never have believed how intense and real these younger parts are.
>
so, is going into parts something that can happen to you when it wasn't part of you before? i have never had parts, and i really don't want this to happen. i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but i see how painful it is to those who have parts.thanks daisy,
fairywings
Posted by daisym on August 14, 2005, at 16:46:57
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work, posted by fairywings on August 14, 2005, at 10:06:12
I can't answer that for you because no one really knows. But, I doubt you will end up in actual parts if you haven't already. You had a lot of difficult things happen to you (to say the least!) and you stayed together.
You might find though that you have frozen age state memories based on the incidents that happen. You said you were molested by a neighbor at 7 and you said that your 6 year old self is really up for you. This makes sense if the trauma wasn't processed. If these feelings or age states have been reawakened, it is possible there is more than one age that will flare up.
All that said, it doesn't have to happen like that. You don't need to delve into your past, dig it up, unless it is coming up and interfering with your life. I strongly recommend that you get help with this and stop reading the book if it is causing problems and you are on your own with it. There are opposing sides about revisiting trauma memories, I think you have to go with what works for you. And the timing might not be right for you to open up old wounds. On the other hand, you have started looking for a therapist to work with. So something is pressing on you.
I don't feel like I'm much help here. I'm willing to listen though...
Posted by fairywings on August 14, 2005, at 17:28:45
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work (slight trigger), posted by daisym on August 14, 2005, at 16:46:57
Thanks Daisy,
I don't understand any of it. I do have a lot of issues from the past that I think I need to resolve, I'm really stuck and can't get past some of it. I'm hoping when i do start therapy again whoever I work with will help me with it.
thanks for helping me,
fw
Posted by happyflower on August 15, 2005, at 5:19:15
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work (slight trigger) » daisym, posted by fairywings on August 14, 2005, at 17:28:45
Hi Jazzy with fairywings!
:)I think EMDR would be great for you! DO you know if that new T does it?
I am so sorry for what happened to you, you have had it really tough growing up. I am glad you are working through this stuff now, and I hope you can see your new T soon. (((((((Jazzy))))))
Posted by fairywings on August 15, 2005, at 6:26:43
In reply to EMDR!!!!!!, posted by happyflower on August 15, 2005, at 5:19:15
thanks happy,
i don't know anyone who does it, and i've checked our insurance list, and it doesn't specify anyone who does. i'll check with the new t if i can get in to see him.
j/fw
Posted by antigua on August 15, 2005, at 7:21:11
In reply to Failure/Inner Child Work, posted by fairywings on August 13, 2005, at 20:42:52
I'm sorry you are dealing with so much. Please think about putting the book away until you have someone to work with--it can be very triggering I know, I pushed myself too hard and had one of my mini-breakdowns.
Also, EMDR can be very useful. Helped me a lot.
best,
antigua
Posted by fairywings on August 15, 2005, at 8:13:34
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work, posted by antigua on August 15, 2005, at 7:21:11
thanks antigua,
i talked to my husband last night, which was hard because i've never gone through anything like this before, it was hard to admit because i was so afraid he'd think i was crazy, he didn't. i did put the book away, although i was mostly done with it.
i feel really embarrassed by what's happened, and think i'll find it really hard to admit this to anyone. i have an appt with my p-doc on wed., but i'm so afraid he'll think i'm psychotic or something, so i don't think i'll tell him. i don't think it's something i'd admit first thing to a new t either. and worst of all, my husband is going out of town for a week. i feel very overwhelmed by it.
thanks,
fw
Posted by cricket on August 15, 2005, at 14:35:13
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work, posted by fairywings on August 14, 2005, at 10:06:12
Hi Fairywings,
I haven't been posting much but as someone who does have parts I wanted to respond to you.
And I am talking strictly about me. I think that there is a very broad range of issues and feelings amongst those of us who do have parts.
It is painful to have parts.
Because....
1) I feel so freakish, so alien from the rest of humanity.
2) I am afraid that an inappropriate part will come out at the wrong time.
3) Sometimes the conflict between parts is exhausting and leaves not much energy for anything else.
4) I feel like nothing most of the time. Almost all of my feelings and thoughts can be attributed to a particular part and I have nothing of my own.
On the other hand
It's good to have parts
because...
1) I'm not so lonely. There's always someone to talk to.
2) I can pick the part that has to do certain things. For example, there's one part, and one part only, that talks to my mother. The rest of us don't have to deal with her at all.
3) It keeps my therapist on his toes. It must be a bit like doing family therapy with a very large family and he never knows who is going to show up for any given session.
4) If something is stressing a particular part out, like work, I can just switch to a part that could care less about work.
So it's definitely not all negative.
However, I also agree with Daisy that it doesn't sound like you will just fragment into parts at any point. It sounds like you have a strong sense of fairywings as fairywings.
It sounds like you are ready to do some deeper analytical work with a therapist. I hope you find one that works for you.
I also have to say that I really admire your ability to take the good parts of your ex-therapist and work with them and ignore the rest. That bespeaks a lot of maturity.
Posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 16:28:39
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work, posted by fairywings on August 15, 2005, at 8:13:34
I am happy to hear about your supportive husband.
And I am sorry it didn't go well with your T. Clicking well with a T is very important, and if you feel you don't click well, mabye finding someone else is the right answer.
As far as the child part goes, I think we tend to get stuck at an age and tend to block later parts of development when we have to go through some traumatic things. I had been stuck at age 11 (pre puberty) for a long long time now I realized. And I was able to work through it a little bit with a help of a good T and some meditation, and babble support. Now I feel more happy. It is funny how people can funtion as adults in real world, and yet be chidren inside. It happens to lot of us.
I am sure if you go to a good enough T, she/he will be able to guide you through with patience.
From my experience, women Ts are better at this. THey have more patience, and are more emotionally intuitive and are probably willing to listen in more detail. Men tend to dismiss things quickly (unless of course you find a very good male T). It might be worth trying a female T.
Hope it goes well for you.
Posted by fairywings on August 15, 2005, at 21:38:29
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work » fairywings, posted by cricket on August 15, 2005, at 14:35:13
Hi Cricket,
I never thought of it that way. Looking at your positive take on it is good. I have trouble with that sometimes. No, I think you and Daisy are right, I probably won't fragment, and I sure hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings by freaking out by having this go on in my head.
There's so much more, but it's just too much for me right now. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if I do have much sense of self. When I see the question "who are you?" I have no idea. But I appreciate the kind words. I hope you're right, and I get some deeper analytic work from the a new T.
fw
Posted by fairywings on August 15, 2005, at 21:51:50
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work » fairywings, posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 16:28:39
Thanks orchid,
I guess that's why I've heard myself throwing temper tantrums in my head for years, didn't realize what it was, that I was stuck. I guess that was the only place I could be safe throwing them!
I called about getting in with a new T today, and they're supposed to call back tomorrow. I'm kind of pissed that my ex-T recommended this book, and then "let me loose" with it, with no guidance.
fw
Posted by Damos on August 16, 2005, at 17:32:35
In reply to Failure/Inner Child Work, posted by fairywings on August 13, 2005, at 20:42:52
Hi Fairywings,
Just wanted to say I'm 41 and only just beginning to get a sense of myself. Just beginning to acknowledge aspects of myself that I've kept locked down for so long. The hugs thing I posted about a while back was just one instance that threw me for a bit (still is). And you've been through so much in your life that I can't even begin to imagine.
I really hope you can find a therapist who can help you work with these aspects of yourself in a way that is safe and okay for you and that allows you to come to a place of comfort and acceptance of all that makes you you. The you that is the lovely person we see here.
Lots of good wishes coming your way.
Posted by Poet on August 16, 2005, at 20:10:23
In reply to Failure/Inner Child Work, posted by fairywings on August 13, 2005, at 20:42:52
Hi Fairywings,
My inner children live in my therapist's office. I told her that I couldn't handle them anymore and she said they can stay there. I will someday take them back home with me, but I'm not ready to do that. Too much trauma, that I don't want to deal with.
I found it easier to connect with four year old me than 14 year old me. I bought her a fairy wand and a stuffed animal that I keep at home. Your inner child needs a fairy wand. She can wish all the bad stuff away.
I wish you would get a good therapist. You deserve one.
Poet
Posted by fairywings on August 16, 2005, at 20:35:36
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work » fairywings, posted by Damos on August 16, 2005, at 17:32:35
Thanks Damos,
Hard questions aren't they, about what all makes up who you are? I thought about it all day, what exactly does it mean when someone asks you who you are? I hope it's easier to figure out a year from now, and I hope I like the answer!
Hugs back to you!
fw
Posted by fairywings on August 16, 2005, at 20:41:05
In reply to Re: Failure/Inner Child Work » fairywings, posted by Poet on August 16, 2005, at 20:10:23
Oh Poet,
I'm sorry that you struggle with the trauma of your inner children. So sad, it's good that you have a safe place to leave them. I wasn't going to mention it, but I will. My little one dances around, she's really sunny, and she has a fairy like outfit, so I thought the wand comment was really coincidental. My 14 year old is getting a lot better, she was really beating up on me.
(((hugs)))
fw
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.