![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by Aphrodite on June 20, 2005, at 13:31:48
In reply to Seems ironic, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 8:29:06
When I read about him looking for another job, my heart skipped a beat for you. I would have the same reaction you're having -- a desire to pull away and protect myself.
Have you asked him why he was looking for another job? Is he still looking? I would probably ask to be let in on what's going on instead of having a bombshell dropped like that. I freaked out about my situation causing a once a week phenomenon. Once a week now feels to me like no therapy at all.
Still, it's very kind that he thought of you and was going to arrange something to keep seeing you. You are special and important to him. I'm happy he is keeping your needs in mind.
I think you need to tell him about this insecurity. He always seems very forthright with you.
Posted by Tamar on June 20, 2005, at 16:04:11
In reply to Seems ironic, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 8:29:06
> That an action on my therapists part that should make me feel more secure is actually awakening my abandonment fears. I know his actions make it clear that he won't abandon me completely unless he absolutely has to (gets divorced and moves or gets sick or something). But knowing that it was likely that he'd just tell me one day out of the blue that he could only see me once a week has made me want to pull back from him before he hurts me.
I can imagine that. In an ideal world (i.e. if you were in charge of everything), he would tell you if he was thinking about applying for jobs. The idea that he might be doing stuff like that behind your back must be very frightening. I mean, I know that in reality he has the right to make decisions and plans without consulting you, but I know I would have been worried if I'd ever thought my T might be looking for jobs. Heck, I've terminated and nevertheless, the idea that he might think of leaving and working somewhere else without telling me first still scares the cr*p out of me!
> There's just no pleasing me. (I originally wrote "him" instead of "me". Wonder what that means.)
Do you worry he might be displeased at the extent of your attachment? Are you afraid that he might resent his commitment to you? I know you've worked through his fear of dependent women, but still...
I can see that this all might be particularly difficult, especially since you've recently been addressing abandonment issues. For me, the scariest abandonments are those that come with no warning.
Posted by Jazzed on June 20, 2005, at 16:27:11
In reply to Seems ironic, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 8:29:06
I agree with Aphrodite, you really should know if there's a reason for you to be concerned. Have you asked him if he's still looking?
I'm sorry this has you feeling like pulling back. After all this time, I can imagine that feels horrible!
(((((hugs)))))
Jazzy
Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 19:46:06
In reply to Re: Seems ironic » Dinah, posted by Jazzed on June 20, 2005, at 16:27:11
We talked about it when it came up. I told him that he had done a wonderful job of telling me that he cared enough about me not to abandon me. But that he had also told me a couple of other things. One of which was that he was looking for another job, and one day I'd come and find everything had changed.
We've talked about this not too long ago, also ironically. He was trying to tell me that the relationship carried the same risks on both sides. That I might have to move for work reasons just as he might. And I explained that a) it wouldn't happen and b) if it did, I'd have thoroughly agonized over possibilities with him and he'd know it was happening. While if you're the client things happen without you knowing it and you're inevitably surprised by it.
I brought it up again last session, and the conclusion was that it wasn't an ideal situation but that it was the only possible one. That he didn't think it was fair to scare me with possible situations that might not occur. And that I wouldn't have worked so hard had I known he was applying for a job out of town. So he wasn't going to tell me about things that were only possibilities.
So I am left to wonder when the next shoe will drop.
Being a client s*cks. I don't care what he says, he's got all the power.
We did talk about him and job plans. He says he's not actively seeking a full time job, but he does sometimes wish for more security. So while he's not actively looking (in part because appropriate jobs are scarce) he probably would be happy if he ran across a good possibility.
I can't see relying on him too much. I need to wean myself.
Posted by annierose on June 20, 2005, at 21:37:30
In reply to Re: Seems ironic, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 19:46:06
Dinah -
I would feel scared too. I think it is reasonable (of couse it is) and expected to have those feelings. If I went to therapy one day and she told me, "by the way, I applied for another job that fell through, but I would continue to see you for one day per week", I think I would feel crushed (on so many levels). Crushed isn't strong enough. Shocked. Betrayed.
I'm not sure why he shared that news with you. Are you glad you know that he has his ears open for another job?
I would want to crawl back into my shell where it was safe and cozy. I don't think it would help my therapy move forward. But then again, the discussion on why it is so upsetting would be fruitful and productive.
Is your T in private practice? Does he want to be associated with a larger clinic? I'm just curious. Looking for a teaching job?
This is big. Thinking of you.
Annierose
Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 22:30:43
In reply to Re: Seems ironic » Dinah, posted by annierose on June 20, 2005, at 21:37:30
Thanks Annierose. I think you understand the impact of this better than he does.
Believe me, I'm brainstorming. :)
He used to be associated with a clinic, and I don't think he's ever really gotten used to not having that. He's now on his own. A lot of the people who used to be with the clinic seem to be supplementing their income with other work, like teaching. He used to have that work he did travelling, and he still does, but there hasn't been a lot of it lately for reasons that don't have anything to do with him. I didn't like it when he travelled, but it provided a level of security for him, and by extension for me as well.
I don't suppose I explained fully why he told me. We were having a vigorous discussion (that in a nontherapeutic setting might have been considered at least a squabble if not an argument) about my not believing he really liked me. Now, I'm not sure he understood what I meant by that. I meant like and respect. I think he meant care about. But at any rate, I told him I knew he was kind of fond of me. And he was angry that I would dismiss his level of feelings and commitment as mere fondness. (I had described fondness as what you might feel for a stray dog that you fed regularly. If it didn't show up you might miss it a bit and wonder where it went, but it wouldn't be a huge deal to you.)
He said "I don't know whether I should tell you this..." Then stopped. Now, whenever those words come out of my mouth, I'm pretty sure it's a sign that I should have never said anything at all. :)
But overall, I'm not sorry he told me. It was what I needed at that particular moment in my therapy. I was feeling disconnected and frustrated that he felt so self contained to me. Like I was reaching out to grab something, but he was so far behind the therapeutic boundaries that there was nothing for me to grab hold of. And he responded with this, which was farther outside his normally formidable boundaries than he has ever stepped before. (Except maybe the dependent woman thing). It gave me something very tangible to hang on to. Plus, it did give support for his assertion that he cared about me more than a stray dog.
It just had a few downsides too.
However, it helped me feel connected in a different sort of way than I'd felt connected before, and I actually asked if it would be ok to ask for a hug at the end of the session.
He asked me what I thought. I told him I thought he'd say we'd need to talk about it. He laughed and said that if I felt comfortable asking after all this time, he thought it would be ok, if it would be ok with me. Then corrected himself and said it must be ok with me since I had asked.
So I got my first (and probably last) hug. I had forgotten by the time he had finished writing my receipt and hugged me, so I ended up smushing my nose against his chest, which was embarassing. And it didn't really feel as good as being emotionally held. So I don't know that I'll ask for a repeat. A handshake works just as well as tangible evidence that he is real, when I need that.
Posted by Jazzed on June 21, 2005, at 7:29:43
In reply to Very long, sorry. » annierose, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 22:30:43
> And he was angry that I would dismiss his level of feelings and commitment as mere fondness.
That's cool that he was feeling more for you than you'd given him credit for, and that he admitted it.
> He said "I don't know whether I should tell you this..." Then stopped. Now, whenever those words come out of my mouth, I'm pretty sure it's a sign that I should have never said anything at all. :)
LOL, very cool that he'd tell you something he considered somewhat confidential, BUT I can sure understand your feeling about this. I"d be worried too.
>
I actually asked if it would be ok to ask for a hug at the end of the session.Good for you for asking, wish it had felt better.
Jazzy
Posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 7:55:22
In reply to Very long, sorry. » annierose, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 22:30:43
Hey Dinah! I was sneaking into Babble during a break from work just to read a few posts without replying until later, but when I read yours I just had to reply!
> However, it helped me feel connected in a different sort of way than I'd felt connected before, and I actually asked if it would be ok to ask for a hug at the end of the session.
Wow! I can hardly believe it! This sounds really good to me. Did you feel it was a good thing too?
> He asked me what I thought. I told him I thought he'd say we'd need to talk about it. He laughed and said that if I felt comfortable asking after all this time, he thought it would be ok, if it would be ok with me. Then corrected himself and said it must be ok with me since I had asked.
Tee hee. Yes, after ten years he should know you well enough to feel comfortable if you feel comfortable!
> So I got my first (and probably last) hug. I had forgotten by the time he had finished writing my receipt and hugged me, so I ended up smushing my nose against his chest, which was embarassing.
Ah yes: the nose-smushing hug. Commonly employed among people who aren't used to hugging each other and haven't figured out how their bodies will fit together!
> And it didn't really feel as good as being emotionally held. So I don't know that I'll ask for a repeat. A handshake works just as well as tangible evidence that he is real, when I need that.
Maybe the answer is to do the hugging when you actually feel inclined to ask, rather than wait till the end, by which time the feeling may have changed and you may have forgotten?
And yeah, being emotionally held is quite different from physical touch, isn't it?
So, ultimately, were you reassured that he does indeed like and respect you? I can't imagine anyone not respecting you; if that ever happened it would definitely be the other person's problem.
Tamar
Posted by daisym on June 21, 2005, at 10:41:53
In reply to Very long, sorry. » annierose, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 22:30:43
Dinah, if this was a post long enough to be sorry for, I'm in trouble. (sheepish grin)
I had this fleeting thought today that perhaps there is more to this upset than just the possibility of abandonment. That, in and of itself, is reason to be distraught, but I have a hard time feeling like it is a true possibility.
I wonder if there isn't an undercurrent here that has to do with "proof" that he really cares about you. What does that mean to you -- what obligations does it bring up and does it intensify the struggle between emotional you wanting to go to therapy and practical you wanting to save money? Do you feel like you owe him now that you know he truly does care for you?
And I don't think you can quickly dismiss the hug. The fact that you asked, forgot, and then got squashed seems so important. (OK, granted I might be putting my own stuff here about how dangerous it is when you figure out you don't "fit" together, however metaphorically...)
Relationships evolve, even basically onesided ones. I think you have to ask yourself what is your responsibility to this relationship, and how does that differ from what you actually feel inside yourself. (those killer "shoulds")
Stepping back and looking at what you need right now is important. Trying to figure out how to get what you need is really important. I wonder how you think you can begin to wean yourself.
I know you are scared and hurting while at the same time feeling good about the fact that he cares. I wish I could help unravel this more. I seem only to have questions today.
Hugs from me (cyber-hug, no squashing)
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 12:51:46
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry., posted by Jazzed on June 21, 2005, at 7:29:43
Ah well, I'm not a very tactile person. So it makes perfect sense to me that emotional holding would feel better than physical holding.
And I'm not as worried any more. See my post below.
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 13:03:41
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry. » Dinah, posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 7:55:22
> Hey Dinah! I was sneaking into Babble during a break from work just to read a few posts without replying until later, but when I read yours I just had to reply!
>
> > However, it helped me feel connected in a different sort of way than I'd felt connected before, and I actually asked if it would be ok to ask for a hug at the end of the session.
>
> Wow! I can hardly believe it! This sounds really good to me. Did you feel it was a good thing too?I felt that it was a symbolic marking of a deepening in our relationship. And this was one of the rare deepenings that was initiated by him.
We discussed that today. He wanted to talk about what had happened in the previous session, and I told him I just wasn't as comfortable talking about things that have to do with him as I am about my own feelings. That it felt rude or intrusive to say that I thought he had made a move to deepen our relationship. He said he understood that it was difficult for me, because it's a more risky way of communicating than talking about my own feelings. And we talked about other relationships where I also felt that way. He said it was important to work on it in the therapeutic relationship because it could be generalized to other relationships.
>
> > He asked me what I thought. I told him I thought he'd say we'd need to talk about it. He laughed and said that if I felt comfortable asking after all this time, he thought it would be ok, if it would be ok with me. Then corrected himself and said it must be ok with me since I had asked.
>
> Tee hee. Yes, after ten years he should know you well enough to feel comfortable if you feel comfortable!:) He had actually mentioned that he occasionally got the impulse to hug me (like after Daddy died) but that my boundaries were too formidable.
>
> > So I got my first (and probably last) hug. I had forgotten by the time he had finished writing my receipt and hugged me, so I ended up smushing my nose against his chest, which was embarassing.
>
> Ah yes: the nose-smushing hug. Commonly employed among people who aren't used to hugging each other and haven't figured out how their bodies will fit together!Well, I can't see that we'll have enough opportunity to figure that one out. :) He's much taller and bigger than my husband, though. Daddy was tall. Not big, but tall. But my family didn't hug at all past adolescence. None of us. An awkward hug before trips or surgery perhaps...
>
> > And it didn't really feel as good as being emotionally held. So I don't know that I'll ask for a repeat. A handshake works just as well as tangible evidence that he is real, when I need that.
>
> Maybe the answer is to do the hugging when you actually feel inclined to ask, rather than wait till the end, by which time the feeling may have changed and you may have forgotten?I think I'm just not very in tune with touch, in comparison with other senses.
>
> And yeah, being emotionally held is quite different from physical touch, isn't it?
>
> So, ultimately, were you reassured that he does indeed like and respect you? I can't imagine anyone not respecting you; if that ever happened it would definitely be the other person's problem.
>
> TamarI do now. (See post below.) Plus he was teasing me today. When I asked him if he minded that I cared about him so much, he said no and asked me if I minded that he cared about me so much. :) He's such a card.
A fair number of people don't like me at all. Most of the people I know IRL in fact. Maybe it's that shorthand we were talking about in that other thread. My clothing choices are eccentric, my grooming is less than ideal, and I'm overweight. Added to a persistently unusual viewpoint, and I think people's shorthand doesn't lead to positive feelings towards me. :(My husband also doesn't like me very much. But he doesn't think much of most people, so I figure that *is* his problem. He doesn't even admire our delightful son as much as any sane person would!
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 13:04:13
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry., posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 13:03:41
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 13:13:36
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry. » Dinah, posted by daisym on June 21, 2005, at 10:41:53
> I had this fleeting thought today that perhaps there is more to this upset than just the possibility of abandonment. That, in and of itself, is reason to be distraught, but I have a hard time feeling like it is a true possibility.
You're underestimating the depths of my terror at the idea of abandonment. :) It may be my core issue. Or one of one or two core issues.
>
> I wonder if there isn't an undercurrent here that has to do with "proof" that he really cares about you. What does that mean to you -- what obligations does it bring up and does it intensify the struggle between emotional you wanting to go to therapy and practical you wanting to save money? Do you feel like you owe him now that you know he truly does care for you?Yes, there is that. And yes, I think I do feel like I have an obligation to him. He tells me I don't. But he's also quick to complain that I wanted a commitment of forever therapy from him... (The implication being that the commitment should go both ways, although he never says so. Just sounds aggrieved.)
>
> And I don't think you can quickly dismiss the hug. The fact that you asked, forgot, and then got squashed seems so important. (OK, granted I might be putting my own stuff here about how dangerous it is when you figure out you don't "fit" together, however metaphorically...)I don't think I have an issue about that. I tend to think in images and movement and colors. Physical fit doesn't concern me overmuch.
And everything feels ok again. I really can tell the difference now that everything feels ok again. I think it's very likely that the subtle difference in how he felt played a big part in my feeling that I was slipping away, dying in a sense. I guess it's not terribly healthy for my very emotional life to depend so much on one person. But I've lost almost everyone else. And I'm very careful around my son not to be too authentic.
>
> Relationships evolve, even basically onesided ones. I think you have to ask yourself what is your responsibility to this relationship, and how does that differ from what you actually feel inside yourself. (those killer "shoulds")I'm not sure if going to school is feasible this semester, for a few reasons. But I am going to go back no later than next summer. And in the meantime I'm going to study and take a few CLEP tests. So I think it's inevitable that therapy frequency will go down. And I think we both need to realize that that's ok. No matter how irritated he might be by it.
>
> Stepping back and looking at what you need right now is important. Trying to figure out how to get what you need is really important. I wonder how you think you can begin to wean yourself.It's such a scary concept, Daisy.
>
> I know you are scared and hurting while at the same time feeling good about the fact that he cares. I wish I could help unravel this more. I seem only to have questions today.
>
> Hugs from me (cyber-hug, no squashing)
> DaisySome open questions cleared up. But obviously there are subtleties in our therapeutic relationship that might not be ideal. I don't think I'm up to working on them at the moment.
(Another reason to enjoy cyberhugs. No cyber body parts.)
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 13:14:08
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry., posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 13:13:36
Posted by annierose on June 21, 2005, at 14:35:25
In reply to Very long, sorry. » annierose, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 22:30:43
WOW! You asked and received a HUG. I do think that is BIG NEWS!! Hugging (or any such act) with someone for the first time is always awkward. I think that is truly wonderful. I'm glad he remembered.
In another post, you mentioned you try not to be authentic with your son. What do you mean by that? Dinah, you are a kind and compassionate person. Why wouldn't you show that side of you to your son? Your statement caught me by surprise.
Sounds like in today's session you got emotionally held :) I'm glad you are feeling more connected these days. It makes life so much easier.
Annierose
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 14:41:57
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry. » Dinah, posted by annierose on June 21, 2005, at 14:35:25
With my son, I try to be what I think a mother should be. So I censor myself and my reactions a lot. I envy those mother who seem to be able to be both authentic and a good mother.
I was surprised the hug didn't mean more to me. Asking was a big deal.
Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised since I have the same reactions to handshakes. I ask for them now and again for pragmatic reasons. Wanting to express appreciation or sympathy, wanting to ground myself, wanting to feel that he is tangible. But there's no overlay of anything else.
Posted by annierose on June 21, 2005, at 16:38:00
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry. » annierose, posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 14:41:57
I'm sorry for straying from your original post. But I understand what you are saying. I experience something similar, but I label it differently.
Not coming from a healthy frame of reference of good parenting skills, I feel somewhat stilted in my reactions to my children. I need to take a moment (or minutes) to think about what I should say or do, or shouldn't say or do. It's not a natural response. It's thought out, but I still feel authentic. I see it as a learning curve, and I'm still on the upswing.
My T really helps me in this area. She'll give me fantastic ideas for conversations I should have with my daughter. It's amazing how "on point" my T is with my daughter (whom she never met).
Yes, asking for the hug is a big deal. Maybe the actual hug didn't mean that much to you, but that he easily replied, "of course" (not his words, I know) was the big deal. That he cares so much for you.
Annierose
Posted by cricket on June 21, 2005, at 16:46:12
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry., posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 13:03:41
> A fair number of people don't like me at all. Most of the people I know IRL in fact. Maybe it's that shorthand we were talking about in that other thread. My clothing choices are eccentric, my grooming is less than ideal, and I'm overweight. Added to a persistently unusual viewpoint, and I think people's shorthand doesn't lead to positive feelings towards me. :(
>
Dinah,
I don't think I read the thread about the shorthand, but all the other stuff (eccentric clothing, a bit of dishevelment, unusual viewpoints) are things I love in people. Maybe that's why I don't have many friends, but it sure makes me wish I lived around the block from you.And believe me, in my neck of the woods, a little heft on a woman (and 200 pounds is barely enough) is considered a very attractive thing.
Anyway, I do understand what you mean about being afraid to be authentic with your son. For me though it's gotten easier as my son has gotten older. He's had enough of my nurturing as a base to begin to accept that his mom is just not like other moms and to be okay with that.
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 18:35:14
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry. » Dinah, posted by annierose on June 21, 2005, at 16:38:00
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 18:36:40
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry. » Dinah, posted by cricket on June 21, 2005, at 16:46:12
Oooh, I wish I lived in your neck of the woods. :)
If I continue to do well, maybe I'll at least try to do something about the weight and the grooming.
I'm too fond of my eccentric clothing choices and ways of thinking to want to change them.
Posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 18:54:35
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry., posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 13:03:41
> I do now. (See post below.) Plus he was teasing me today. When I asked him if he minded that I cared about him so much, he said no and asked me if I minded that he cared about me so much. :) He's such a card.I'm so glad he's getting it right. It makes it all worthwhile.
> A fair number of people don't like me at all. Most of the people I know IRL in fact. Maybe it's that shorthand we were talking about in that other thread. My clothing choices are eccentric, my grooming is less than ideal, and I'm overweight. Added to a persistently unusual viewpoint, and I think people's shorthand doesn't lead to positive feelings towards me. :(
See, I find it hard to understand why people would dislike you based on your clothes or your weight. But maybe you're better off without people that shallow.
As for the persistently unusual viewpoint: that's one of the things I particularly like. I guess you're right - it's all about the shorthand.
> My husband also doesn't like me very much. But he doesn't think much of most people, so I figure that *is* his problem. He doesn't even admire our delightful son as much as any sane person would!
Gosh. Is that because of the relationship trough, or do you feel your husband generally doesn't like you much?
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 19:28:46
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry. » Dinah, posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 18:54:35
That was one of the first things I told my therapist. He even remembers that.
I considered it to be the reason for the exacerbation of my OCD after my marriage.
My husband has very exacting standards. He was once reading the chapter on OCPD in my OCD book and came running to me pointing at it and telling me "That's me! That's me! They understand!" Well, maybe not that enthusiastically. But that was the gist. And he's right.
I don't meet his standards. I haven't since we married. I haven't since I was the super-student he met. It gets hard to live with subtle and overt disapproval all the time. With the comments that were I to make them might be charmingly self-deprecating, but when he makes them aren't the least bit charming, just deprecating.
I'm not saying he's wrong. I don't remember things as well as he does. I'm not as smart or responsible as he is. He really doesn't like me cheerful and in the midst of an enthusiasm. I don't blame him. Even I find me annoying in an enthusiasm.
My parents had a lot of flaws, but they both loved me, respected me, and thought I was pretty terrific in many ways. Heck, I love me, respect me, and think I'm terrific in many ways.
The funny thing is that I saw him treat his mother and grandmother with the subtle contempt you reserve for particularly slow children. And I thought how awful it was, and how I would never allow it. I was stronger than that. I had managed to survive in the battlefield of my family of origin and hold my own.
What I didnt' realize was that it wears at me like water on stone.
I like my husband, and I respect him. I think he's brilliant, find his humor delightful, and admire his consistent sense of responsibility. Maybe I do wish I were more like him.
But... The main thing my husband likes about me is that I like him, respect him, think he's brilliant, find his humor delightful, and admire his consistent sense of responsibility. He might not admit that it's the only thing he likes about me, but he will admit it's the main thing.
I wish he liked me more. But the only way for him to like me more is for me to live up to his standards. I can't do that. :(
Am I misrepresenting him? Maybe a bit. But not substantially. My son's play therapist is concentrating her main efforts on this behavior. She thinks my son believes (or believed, he's getting better thanks to her) that nothing he does is good enough, because nothing is good enough to avoid his Dad's disapproval.
But he has many fine and useful qualities. Our family would be lost without him.
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 21:12:39
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry. » Tamar, posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 19:28:46
He really is wonderful you know.
I just don't like the way I feel about myself around him. That's all.
Posted by 10derHeart on June 21, 2005, at 23:41:54
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry., posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 21:12:39
Somehow, I think I understand this somewhat. I think I used to treat people close to me the way you describe your husband being, many years ago. But I have changed - fundamentally, profoundly, and on purpose because after a while, I disliked myself being that way. Not saying the roots are the same (I don't see hardly any of myself - now or in the past - in OCPD), just that for some unknown reason I get what you're saying, but maybe more from his vantage point...
I know even if your husband really doesn't *like* you as much as he could/should, he *loves* you and your son very, very much.
Those two feelings are entirely different, don't you think?
Posted by Dinah on June 22, 2005, at 1:34:27
In reply to Re: Very long, sorry. » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on June 21, 2005, at 23:41:54
Yes, they are. And yes, I do think he loves me very much, and my son.
I really do value that. I think he's a wonderful man in so many ways.
And I know that the way he feels causes him pain as well. He feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.
I think it's terrific that you were able to change yourself in such a fundamental way. I never seem to be able to manage it. (wry smile)
This is the end of the thread.
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