Posted by daisym on June 21, 2005, at 10:41:53
In reply to Very long, sorry. » annierose, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 22:30:43
Dinah, if this was a post long enough to be sorry for, I'm in trouble. (sheepish grin)
I had this fleeting thought today that perhaps there is more to this upset than just the possibility of abandonment. That, in and of itself, is reason to be distraught, but I have a hard time feeling like it is a true possibility.
I wonder if there isn't an undercurrent here that has to do with "proof" that he really cares about you. What does that mean to you -- what obligations does it bring up and does it intensify the struggle between emotional you wanting to go to therapy and practical you wanting to save money? Do you feel like you owe him now that you know he truly does care for you?
And I don't think you can quickly dismiss the hug. The fact that you asked, forgot, and then got squashed seems so important. (OK, granted I might be putting my own stuff here about how dangerous it is when you figure out you don't "fit" together, however metaphorically...)
Relationships evolve, even basically onesided ones. I think you have to ask yourself what is your responsibility to this relationship, and how does that differ from what you actually feel inside yourself. (those killer "shoulds")
Stepping back and looking at what you need right now is important. Trying to figure out how to get what you need is really important. I wonder how you think you can begin to wean yourself.
I know you are scared and hurting while at the same time feeling good about the fact that he cares. I wish I could help unravel this more. I seem only to have questions today.
Hugs from me (cyber-hug, no squashing)
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:515914
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/516568.html