![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
I am sorry for the urgency in my title. I have been so DOWN, just feeling the way that I am just turned 38, have little to show for it, have no 'special someone', and it really seems like I will never. My brother and sister are in their 40's and have spouses and kids. I've got nothing...nadda. I am still trying to get a better job so I can even buy my own place!
You see, this goes through my head at night....actually more often.....and I just feel that when my parents die, I really will have nothing left, and will just end my life. I don't even have any real male or female 'friends' fer cripes sake! (I have informal friends...aquaintences....but nobody seems to want to form any kind of relationship with a 'loser' like me.....who still lives at home (even if I am caring for my sick father).....who can't attract women (because he is too fat thanks to psych meds...)...etc...etc. I just see it all ending now. All of my parents friends and relatives are dying, and soon enough they will (that will break my heart enough...)..I will just be so miserable I KNOW I am going to end it all. It's just a matter of me planning exactly how to do it.
That's my way of saying F*ck you to every person who ever rejected me. Just got yet another 'rejection' message (7'th one this week) from a female on a dating website I sent a simple 'smile' to. Yet they pay Scott Baio (or however you spell his name) major money because he is 45, 'single', has like 10 dates a week and women everywhere...and he treats them like sh*t.
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2008, at 21:16:25
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
It's scary when our parents get older. Especially when we're close to them. I still haven't gotten over losing Daddy.
But just because they're getting older doesn't mean they'll die in the immediate future. I expect my mother to outlive me.
What do you like to do? A hobby can give you a group of people to hang out with. If eventually you meet a girlfriend through it, that's a bonus. But if you give of yourself, you'll likely get something back.
A while back, a woman from a group I was involved with died. When she died, she had no family. But there were more people at her funeral than I've ever seen. She'd given a lot of herself to the group, and she was much loved and appreciated.
There are a lot of different paths to a happy and fulfilling life. Sometimes it takes a bit of imagination to get there. Letting go of expectations or the belief that you must have xxxx in order to be happy. In the end you might get xxx after all. Or you might not. But you can build a worthwhile life, either way.
Posted by Bobby on January 6, 2008, at 21:35:43
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
ok here it goes...
I was single and felt like you until I was 36 --and by some divine twist of fate---and literaly in the blink of an eye-----I found my wife(or should I say she found me) and my life changed overnight. there's nothing wrong with you Jay. You seem like a cool dude to hang out with----you're talented musically for sure and women dig that. I bet you that there are a whole lot more single women who feel lonely than single men--so look at yourself as a minority. In retrospect---when I look at my past --I feel as if I looked too hard at all women and didn't trust the good lord to work it out his way---if you believe in him. Anyway, I wound up with a black woman from Jamaica --and the fit couldn't be better and I couldn't be luckier--maybe you're like me and are looking too hard and in the wrong places--keep an open mind look for positive things--I read on a sign one day going down the road---"What you find in life ----depends on what you're looking for." It stuck with me and I lean on it from time to time. All I can say is good luck----and I know she's out there---and be kind to all women cause she may be on psych drugs too.
Posted by Phillipa on January 7, 2008, at 0:04:44
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg » Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe, posted by Bobby on January 6, 2008, at 21:35:43
Bobby what a wonderful message. And how happy you sound today. Love Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on January 7, 2008, at 7:43:25
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
((((Jay)))) Hope you'll take a hug.
My best and gently offered advice is to stop looking for your mate. Accept your life today for what it is, because wanting what it isn't is what is making you so unhappy. Wanting what we don't have is not always a good and driving force for "improvement" or "advancement" - sometimes, it's a force for madness and depression.
I am going to tell you about a book that has changed my way of thinking about life and what it deals me, Jay. I actually read it several years ago, but it's only been in the last couple of months that it started to resonate with me. It's not a cure-all or the answer to all our problems, but it gave me reason to stop my own anxious thinking about the areas of my life that I was so very unhappy about. It's called "Loving What Is" and you can probably find it at Chapters or Indigo up there. It's worth a ponder.
Thanks for reaching out to us, Jay. And there is reason for hope for you, and it already lies within you! Seeing yourself for the great qualities you possess and accepting that those qualities are ENOUGH - that's the secret that's eluding you.
Know that we care, Jay. Know that you're good enough the way you are, and don't actually need somebody else in your life to validate those qualities.
ClearSkies
Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 14:46:48
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**t » Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2008, at 21:16:25
> It's scary when our parents get older. Especially when we're close to them. I still haven't gotten over losing Daddy.
>
> But just because they're getting older doesn't mean they'll die in the immediate future. I expect my mother to outlive me.
>
> What do you like to do? A hobby can give you a group of people to hang out with. If eventually you meet a girlfriend through it, that's a bonus. But if you give of yourself, you'll likely get something back.
>
> A while back, a woman from a group I was involved with died. When she died, she had no family. But there were more people at her funeral than I've ever seen. She'd given a lot of herself to the group, and she was much loved and appreciated.
>
> There are a lot of different paths to a happy and fulfilling life. Sometimes it takes a bit of imagination to get there. Letting go of expectations or the belief that you must have xxxx in order to be happy. In the end you might get xxx after all. Or you might not. But you can build a worthwhile life, either way.
>
>
Hi Dinah....Thanks so much for posting...and for caring. It means A LOT...it really does.
Yes, it is so sad and scary when our parents get older, and it seems like you had a wonderful relationship with your Dad. I too have one with my Dad, almost to the point where we are best friends. And my Mom too, even if it is a little rough around the edges, there is a love at the heart that is just as strong. They didn't 'kick me out' when I was 18-19, but I did move away for a few years to attend school in Toronto. But, I moved back home after that didn't work out. I am pretty independent financially, so it's not like they are 'giving me an allowance' or anything..heh. I have a job that pays well, but it's not guaranteed full-time work, with all the perks, so until that happens, hopefully this year, I will then buy my own condo, townhouse, or home.
I've been trying to think of ways not just so much to 'give' of myself, but to 'take me out of myself'. I've actually been exploring religion and spirituality a bit. See, I already work quite a number of hours a week, and many nightshift hours, so adding more on, esp. with my bipolar, I don't want to sabotage myself. Maybe I'll see like if I can do work at an AIDS hospice or something like that, for 4-5 hours a week max.
I guess I am just really frustrated with the 'dating scene', as I see all of these so-called 'hip' people who are divorced, have 2 kids, a home, etc. This one woman I met, in the whole 20 minutes of meeting, she couldn't put down her cell phone! I asked her if she was expecting a call or anything, and she was like.."no....I just text message with my friends all the time". A 38 year old woman! And before we met, we talked great on the phone. When we met, she pretty much ignored me, then afterward said there was 'no way' we where compatible based on our conversation! Yeah.....sure.
I've only had one or maybe two of these types of 'dates' lead to something a bit more, and it was clearly my fault for screwing up, in the past 5 years. So, yeah, maybe it's all futile. But, I am going to try some reading based on what one of the other members suggested, see what happens. Thanks so kind for your advice....and putting up again with me...Jay...which I imagine some others think I am some sniveling, whining brat. Oh well. Take care....
Jay
Posted by karen_kay on January 7, 2008, at 14:50:18
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**t » Dinah, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 14:46:48
take care of yourself hun. and screw the girls who can't put their cellphones down long enough to realize what a great guy you are.
you deserve more than that anyway!!!!
(((((jay)))))
Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 15:56:44
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg » Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe, posted by Bobby on January 6, 2008, at 21:35:43
> ok here it goes...
> I was single and felt like you until I was 36 --and by some divine twist of fate---and literaly in the blink of an eye-----I found my wife(or should I say she found me) and my life changed overnight. there's nothing wrong with you Jay. You seem like a cool dude to hang out with----you're talented musically for sure and women dig that. I bet you that there are a whole lot more single women who feel lonely than single men--so look at yourself as a minority. In retrospect---when I look at my past --I feel as if I looked too hard at all women and didn't trust the good lord to work it out his way---if you believe in him. Anyway, I wound up with a black woman from Jamaica --and the fit couldn't be better and I couldn't be luckier--maybe you're like me and are looking too hard and in the wrong places--keep an open mind look for positive things--I read on a sign one day going down the road---"What you find in life ----depends on what you're looking for." It stuck with me and I lean on it from time to time. All I can say is good luck----and I know she's out there---and be kind to all women cause she may be on psych drugs too.
>
>
>Hi Bobby:
Thank you too so kindly for taking the time to post. I am also in a bit of hypomania, and geezz....it hurts.....you know, when the mental anguish gets bad, and you feel so alone....it soooooo hurts....accckkk!!..heh. But, today, after sleep and some Risperdal, I am in (hopefully!) back in a bit of balance. Like I said before, I get the feeling there may be other posters who resent me posting this stuff ("He's done it before...can't he "grow up"!!??)...but....sorry...I am just as vulnerable as anybody on here. Now even though I don't apply this to politics...lol..."if you ain't got nothin' nice to say...". Heh. Well, maybe more exceptions...but....
Thanks very much for sharing your story. Quite inspiring, indeed! I have a friend who went to one of the nicer African countries and met his future wife there. They are such a happy couple, and now have a little boy, who is the gleam in my friend's eye. I am thinking of doing some travelling. Many N. American females seem to be hung up on a guy's "image", financial status, and their "coolness" (as in they have to have hundreds of 'buddies'...drive and like fancy cars...be emotionally stale...love sports...be "macho"...look like the GQ guy, or second best...can't have an ounce of hair or fat on his body...etc.) And yes, I didn't say ALL N. American females. French Canadian females have a very different attitude about men too. They seek the 'mature' male, the 'feelings oriented' male, and they are very sexually liberated. I know, I've dated quite a few, but this was years ago, and my priorities weren't right.
Yes, I know there are women out there suffering the same as I. They may likely not be the ones who go on dating websites because of issues, which is really sad. From what I've heard, some of these guys on here go through women like they do underwear, and it takes just one bad experience to tarnish the whole situation. That's why I never bring up the 'sex' issue obviously until much latter on. And ya, I do know, I feel, what I am looking for in my life. In my ad on the date website, I don't just write "S.M. seeking S.F. age, job, likes, etc." I start off firmly in one of my main beliefs that I am not materialistic, that spirit, communication, laughter, all those things are most important to me. Of course I put down that financially wise, I am responsible, and doing fine, but it's just not a big deal. I don't drive an SUV, pick-up, or sports car because I care about the environment. Stuff like that.
Anyhow...I think you get my message. :-) Thanks very kindly for your reply and great words of wisdom.
Best,
Jay
Posted by Fivefires on January 7, 2008, at 16:06:14
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
I've had rejection after rejection in one form or another fly at me for a few months now. About a week ago I finished either 'another nervous system breakdown' or 'major depressive episode'; no one knows what is going on with me .. no one really seems to care to delve into it, so I'm not sure what to call it. My body gave out. I couldn't do anything but lie in bed and have bad thoughts, eat a little. I've pulled out of it a bit now, but I think that was thanks to an increase in my anti-anxiety medication Jay. I'm not sure I'm on the right one; something to talk to Pdoc wen see again. I thought if anything ever happened to my Dad, I'd lose it. He's been gone since 2004 and I'm still here. Oddest thing; don't look at clock often, but when do, have seen 11:11 many, many times. Think he's telling me to hang on. So that's what I'm doing. I too don't have any real IL friends. The loneliness is bone-chilling I know. I understand so well how you feel. I don't own anything or have a permanent sig-other. People are getting sick of me being sick, but that's ignorance. Stay w/ us Jay.
sincerely, 5f
Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 16:22:00
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**t » Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe, posted by ClearSkies on January 7, 2008, at 7:43:25
> ((((Jay)))) Hope you'll take a hug.
>
> My best and gently offered advice is to stop looking for your mate. Accept your life today for what it is, because wanting what it isn't is what is making you so unhappy. Wanting what we don't have is not always a good and driving force for "improvement" or "advancement" - sometimes, it's a force for madness and depression.
>
> I am going to tell you about a book that has changed my way of thinking about life and what it deals me, Jay. I actually read it several years ago, but it's only been in the last couple of months that it started to resonate with me. It's not a cure-all or the answer to all our problems, but it gave me reason to stop my own anxious thinking about the areas of my life that I was so very unhappy about. It's called "Loving What Is" and you can probably find it at Chapters or Indigo up there. It's worth a ponder.
>
> Thanks for reaching out to us, Jay. And there is reason for hope for you, and it already lies within you! Seeing yourself for the great qualities you possess and accepting that those qualities are ENOUGH - that's the secret that's eluding you.
>
> Know that we care, Jay. Know that you're good enough the way you are, and don't actually need somebody else in your life to validate those qualities.
>
> ClearSkiesHey CS...
Thanks kindly for the book suggestion! I am on my way to the bookstore today to pick it up. There is another one by the same author I am going to get called: "I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How To Stop Seeking Love, Approval, And Appreciation And Start Finding Them Instead." The reviews for these books are amazing. I think it is also a bit of an esteem issue, for me. I am worried about being a bit overweight, but even when I wasn't, I still had the same issues with women. I remember...I used to be a REALLY snazzy dresser...and am now getting back to that as I take off a few pounds. Designer jeans, silk shirts, $$$ leather shoes shinned black...400 dollar leather coats...100 dollar colognes. I know I looked (and still sometimes do) great. Friends and family would be like.."whoa..!!!". I am not saying this for the sake of vanity. Just to show something. Then, I'd meet a single female friend of a friend in a bar, and I'd buy her a nice drink, and chit-chat. I always used humour, and it was never anything offensive or whatever. So, after 30 minutes, my male friend meets me in the bathroom and tells me this woman is ticked that it looks like "I am hitting on her." Heck, no! I am just being my usual self, unrepulsive in any way. It was just the way I talk to many of my female and male friends. GOD DARE FORBID I take some kind of interest in her! This has happened a few times. I never get bitter, just wonder "why?" act like that. So, I'd just carry on having fun, and forget about her. I think that was a major part of my depression, is that (without using vanity) I knew I wasn't a too bad looking guy, who dressed well and was a very, very nice person with humour and class. As the years went on, I just thought "f*** it" what's the use of trying!
Okay, so I am sorry..I went off on a tangent..lol. Thanks very, very VERY much though in helping me to reclaim my self-validation. That means A LOT to me! :-)
Best, Jay
Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 16:26:05
In reply to ((((jay)))), posted by karen_kay on January 7, 2008, at 14:50:18
> take care of yourself hun. and screw the girls who can't put their cellphones down long enough to realize what a great guy you are.
>
> you deserve more than that anyway!!!!
>
> (((((jay)))))Thanks so much hun. Your name deserves to be in capital letters! :-) These are just little 'war stories', and I know many people too have also experienced the same or so things. Take good care...Best Jay :)
Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 16:46:27
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Fivefires on January 7, 2008, at 16:06:14
> I've had rejection after rejection in one form or another fly at me for a few months now. About a week ago I finished either 'another nervous system breakdown' or 'major depressive episode'; no one knows what is going on with me .. no one really seems to care to delve into it, so I'm not sure what to call it. My body gave out. I couldn't do anything but lie in bed and have bad thoughts, eat a little. I've pulled out of it a bit now, but I think that was thanks to an increase in my anti-anxiety medication Jay. I'm not sure I'm on the right one; something to talk to Pdoc wen see again. I thought if anything ever happened to my Dad, I'd lose it. He's been gone since 2004 and I'm still here. Oddest thing; don't look at clock often, but when do, have seen 11:11 many, many times. Think he's telling me to hang on. So that's what I'm doing. I too don't have any real IL friends. The loneliness is bone-chilling I know. I understand so well how you feel. I don't own anything or have a permanent sig-other. People are getting sick of me being sick, but that's ignorance. Stay w/ us Jay.
>
> sincerely, 5f((((((5Fires))))))
I hope....truly...that you feel better. I know what it feels like to break the ice of anxiety. Believe me, I know of those days, glued into my bed, I can't come to the computer, not even read a newspaper or book because I am just an anxious mess. Too little energy, yet anxiety racing through me like a charging current.
I know my Dad and Mom will always be in my heart, and when they are gone, I need to keep them even somehow alive..in spirit...in whatever...and I have been listening to a song lately, Kite, by U2, which is about losing someone close, and relish the line
"I don't know, which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye"
I like that last line..."This is not goodbye". I've lately been trying to open my spirituality and even open to religion a bit, because I feel something very strong in the above. Just like your Dad may be saying something to you.I want to be STRONGER because of all of this, and I think I will be. Something inside me, like a candle burning in the darkest night, is happening. I can control some of the extremes with medication (knock on wood), but there is little as empowering as surviving such loss and even rejection and coming out stronger. Thank you...and best wishes and hopes and dreams to you....
Jay
Posted by muffled on January 7, 2008, at 16:47:31
In reply to Re: (((((KK))))))) » karen_kay, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 16:26:05
You proly don't know me, but I read your stuff, and up this thread somewhere you referred to your self as whining etc. You are SO NOT.
This was a lovely thread.
It IS hard to find the right mate out there.
I know of some odd matches just with in my own extended family...but they do OK.
I ahve a family member who is kind and gorgeous, but hasn't had a 'date' per se yet. I think guys are scared of her....I dunno.
Jay, when I read your stuff you come across as really nice.
I don't think you need to 'dress yourself up' to get women. Be who you are. See if you can do things that interest you that might help you socialize and meet someone.
I am married, thank God, I HATED , 'the scene'. It IS hard out there. Thats why there's so many dating clubs etc.
Everybodys too busy these days, men and women.
I'm sure there is someone out there for you.
Just a matter of when. Next month, next year, 10 yrs from now. Whoever they are, it'll be wonderful and worth the wait!
Take good care.
M
Posted by ClearSkies on January 7, 2008, at 17:14:06
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**t » ClearSkies, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 16:22:00
Jay, sweetie - check out the author's website:
http://www.thework.com/thework.asp
in particular, the sidebar on the right, "The Work in action" has all these gems of YouTube clips. The first time I watched a few of these, they hit me so close to where I live that I cried. It helps that my therapist has steered me towards the books and "The Work" as it's called. Since reading that first book a few years ago, like I said, it just seemed to plant the seeds that I needed, and it's just been recently that I've been able to actually put some of the practices into action. It looks easy, but it wasn't for me! It took a while for me to be ready to actually do it, but when I did, it was a very liberating exercise. Once you start doing the inquiry process, you want to keep doing it. It's a joyous hunger.
Good luck, and if you want to talk about any of this stuff, let's start a thread or you can babblemail me.
CS
Posted by MissK on January 7, 2008, at 17:34:04
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
Lots of good suggestions and positive messages.
I particularly like what Dinah said: There are a lot of different paths to a happy and fulfilling life.
Have faith you will find yours, and hard as it may seem try to keep a positive outlook. Just one little thing and add from there.
Posted by Fivefires on January 7, 2008, at 19:53:18
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg » Fivefires, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 16:46:27
I just heard the song a couple days ago Jay!
I didn't catch the name or artist though, so thank you. It was as if whomever wrote that song knew my feelings and fears, and where they took me, so clearly.
Kite. Hmmmmm ...
((((((((((U2 Jay))))))))) 5f
Posted by Kath on January 7, 2008, at 20:56:35
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
Dear Jay - I am so sorry you're in such awful pain.
I've copied Dinah's post because I think it is SO wise & I totally agree:
What do you like to do? A hobby can give you a group of people to hang out with. If eventually you meet a girlfriend through it, that's a bonus. But if you give of yourself, you'll likely get something back.
A while back, a woman from a group I was involved with died. When she died, she had no family. But there were more people at her funeral than I've ever seen. She'd given a lot of herself to the group, and she was much loved and appreciated.
There are a lot of different paths to a happy and fulfilling life. Sometimes it takes a bit of imagination to get there. Letting go of expectations or the belief that you must have xxxx in order to be happy. In the end you might get xxx after all. Or you might not. But you can build a worthwhile life, either way.
You know, on a dating site, they don't get to know you, experience your vibes, see the sparkle in your kind smile, etc, etc. I think being involved in a dating site might sometimes be almost masochistic!!!! That being said, that's where my daughter met her partner & they're really happy & I know of other such cases.
BUT - hey! - if you figure out stuff to do in real life that you can enjoy, you can be actually doing something interesting WHILE you're in the market to meet someone.
In life, in general, often it's only when I've 'let go' of something & sorta chilled out about it, THEN it's just come along.
Now, saying that, when my ex left, I was pretty frantic to meet someone. I put an ad in the paper; answered ads in the paper. Guess how I met my husband? I contacted some old aquaintances to see if they wanted to go to hear some jazz. That led to going skiing together on one of their daughter's birthdays; that led to hubby & I saying 'hey that was fun, let's do it again' & that blossomed into a fun skiing friendship that extended outside skiing & eventually turned into LOVE!!!
I agree with Dinah's comments Jay.
I send my warmest wishes to you.
Haven't read the rest of thread yet; only the first 2 entries.
luv, Kath
Posted by Kath on January 7, 2008, at 21:10:45
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg » Bobby, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 15:56:44
Many N. American females seem to be hung up on a guy's "image", financial status, and their "coolness" (as in they have to have hundreds of 'buddies'...drive and like fancy cars...be emotionally stale...love sports...be "macho"...look like the GQ guy, or second best...can't have an ounce of hair or fat on his body...etc.)
********OK - so try to go where those types AREN'T - Maybe there are more of them in bars, clubs, dating sites. Maybe there are less of them in - hmmm - I dunno - hiking club; nature club; photo group; ballroom dancing group; folk dancing group - I dunno - maybe someone else has some ideas
I start off firmly in one of my main beliefs that I am not materialistic, that spirit, communication, laughter, all those things are most important to me. Of course I put down that financially wise, I am responsible, and doing fine, but it's just not a big deal. I don't drive an SUV, pick-up, or sports car because I care about the environment. Stuff like that.*********I think it's great that you're open & real about who you are!!! My daughter & her now-partner were. They both said the spiritual side of life & self-improvement were NB to them. They both thought NObody else interested in that would be on a dating site, but they were. However, I suspect that you have way more nonsense to wade through on a dating site. Can you imagine the cellphone-girl reading your details & then even calling you when she is obviously SO different with different values!!
When I was doing the newspaper ad thing, I went out on 3 dates. 2 were really disasters; we really didn't have much in common. The 3rd turned out to be someone I knew & he was okay, but by then I had startede to go out with now-hubby.
I send you warm hugs Jay. I think you live near me. I have a single friend who is in the 'market' for someone to spend time with. Her main love is the outdoors. She's, I think 40, has a 5-yr-old girl. I'm probably breaking some rule or other by saying all that! I dunno. Babblemail me if you want.
hugs, Kath
Posted by TexasChic on January 7, 2008, at 21:25:06
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
Dude, I may be writing the same exact post in a couple of months when I turn 38! At least you're out there trying, I'm not even doing that. Its so easy to become apathetic about it all. But other times I realize how much I want a significant other, and know I should be at least trying.
I've been working on trying not to compare myself with others. (EVERY friend I've ever had now has kids. I'm the ONLY childless one)! But we're all unique, otherwise we'd be like the Borg or something and life would suck even worse (see how I let that nerd factor slip in there?). There are so-o-o many people on this planet! I mean, its really beyond our comprehension. It just can't be possible that there aren't a few out there that we're compatible with.
It reminds me of how I felt when I was having problems with the people at my last job. I got all this support here, and I realized that just because it SEEMS like the whole world is against me, its really only a minute portion of mankind. I just happened to be surrounded by them at the time.
Well, I hope this made sense, I'm really tired and sort of lost my stamina to write anymore even though I'd like to (another one of those insanely busy times at work). Just try to keep in mind that just because you meet all these idiot people, they are probably the minority compared to the rest of the world, you just happen to be surrounded by them at the moment!
-T
Posted by your#1fan on January 7, 2008, at 22:53:19
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
I am 20 years old.
I have scared off so many people, you where talking about aquaintes, i have had many aquinatnces that i thought they where my "friends" but they where not. And it ended up i got rejected. I've hit the wall pretty hard, and really on facebook, and myspace, i talk to people like i know them personally and it scares them! "BLOCK".......danmit! So i have always had a social problem. I think, its a emotional level your on and your want to stay there. If you still live with your parents.hold on ill be right back.... sorry its mommie dearest....
fan
BUT WAIT if for some reason i cant get back on. Listen you have given me advice and i appricaite it, and i have had suicidal thoughts. Please see the brightness in yourself that you know that you can get out of this tourment that i know your in. Let yourself SHINE, look at some pictures, or listen to some music and dedicate it to yourself. I've had to do this many times. Ok...ill try to be back.
Posted by Phillipa on January 7, 2008, at 23:26:05
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by your#1fan on January 7, 2008, at 22:53:19
Jay you're such a loving good guy you will be on the winning end look at your work. A dedication. Love Phillipa
Posted by your#1fan on January 7, 2008, at 23:30:13
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
Listen i know your older than me, but that dosent make me think diffrent than of you, i just have less experince in life. But im telling your what i've came through in life......I'v been through hell, through medications, coming off them, and really i cannot belive i didnt commit suicide! the rejection the pain of not knowing how to realate to people is overwhelming to me. But i still get up everyday and deal with it. I admit i have bad coping skills alot, i want to just stick my head somewhere, in a pillow, my hands. Stick it on to an homemade ECT maybe? you know? get my mind out of this miserable states i get in!
I really feel for you, and i understand because i have a very similar situation at home, i take care of grandmother who is almost at the last part of altimers (mispelled, sorry). And then i have such a stressful life.
I go eachday, making sure i look pretty decent in the mirror, but i have my moments when i look like barbecue! my hair, my face, chunky monkey!
But listen, you gotta find a way to cope, and im telling you, there is nothing worse than ending it, i've considered it many times, but always "re-evaulate yoursef" I've hated my life, and said it load, when im in the car, out load in the house when everything is going wrong....
Faith is something that is hard to hold on to, there is 2nd thing to help, change your mental image of yourself in your head. See yourself as a successful person! ignore the bad stuff!
I've said to myself all the times when people have rejected me, that im better and special even no tells me i am. I am something else....thats better.
For now ask your doctor for something to help you sleep. And when you close your eyes, see things that will take reality away, and then make it an effort to make to that fantasy real, goals, rerember stuff that makes you smile, good times, and then....
See today and say to yourself "im going to make this the best part of my life" Have that mind set.
Alright your stay in there, depression is your enemy. Tackle it.
Jay thanks for all the advice for in the past.
Your#1fan
Posted by Poet on January 8, 2008, at 11:46:10
In reply to I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg, posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 6, 2008, at 20:52:20
Hi Jay,
Having dated for a long time before I found the right guy I can identify with your struggle to find that certain someone. It took me a long time, but it finally happened and it was through a newspaper personal ad (pre-internet dating, I am old, sigh.)
Poet
Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 8, 2008, at 16:57:54
In reply to jay » Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe, posted by muffled on January 7, 2008, at 16:47:31
> You proly don't know me, but I read your stuff, and up this thread somewhere you referred to your self as whining etc. You are SO NOT.
> This was a lovely thread.
> It IS hard to find the right mate out there.
> I know of some odd matches just with in my own extended family...but they do OK.
> I ahve a family member who is kind and gorgeous, but hasn't had a 'date' per se yet. I think guys are scared of her....I dunno.
> Jay, when I read your stuff you come across as really nice.
> I don't think you need to 'dress yourself up' to get women. Be who you are. See if you can do things that interest you that might help you socialize and meet someone.
> I am married, thank God, I HATED , 'the scene'. It IS hard out there. Thats why there's so many dating clubs etc.
> Everybodys too busy these days, men and women.
> I'm sure there is someone out there for you.
> Just a matter of when. Next month, next year, 10 yrs from now. Whoever they are, it'll be wonderful and worth the wait!
> Take good care.
> MThank you...thank you....I can't be gracious enough for such kind words. I try hard to let the 'real me' shine through. I just thought of this term...like I am not some 'boy toy'..lol. Thanks so much....again. Patience.....I know...urrggg...something I don't have. Please take care. Jay.
Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 8, 2008, at 17:12:40
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**t » Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe, posted by ClearSkies on January 7, 2008, at 17:14:06
> Jay, sweetie - check out the author's website:
>
> http://www.thework.com/thework.asp
>
> in particular, the sidebar on the right, "The Work in action" has all these gems of YouTube clips. The first time I watched a few of these, they hit me so close to where I live that I cried. It helps that my therapist has steered me towards the books and "The Work" as it's called. Since reading that first book a few years ago, like I said, it just seemed to plant the seeds that I needed, and it's just been recently that I've been able to actually put some of the practices into action. It looks easy, but it wasn't for me! It took a while for me to be ready to actually do it, but when I did, it was a very liberating exercise. Once you start doing the inquiry process, you want to keep doing it. It's a joyous hunger.
>
> Good luck, and if you want to talk about any of this stuff, let's start a thread or you can babblemail me.
>
> CSThank you CS, for this. I watched the videos, esp the one on 'relationships' (that is SO ME!!..lol.). I clearly see the logic behind it, and it's just a matter of injecting it into my emotional self. That takes a few days..lol. In the meantime, I will read the book. It's funny....I remember dating this one young lady years ago, I was about 23, and I could see her fading away from me. So, what do I do? I take her to a 190 dollar a plate fancy restaurant! Then there was wine on top of that. (Niagara: 70 bucks a bottle!!!) Then a week latter, she gives me the line....."Well, I need 'my own room' so, goodbye'!'. I've spent more money on very expensive hotel suites with Jacuzzis and in-room service and fireplaces, jewelry, roses, Victoria Secret's, European chocolate...and on and on. I know...my dumb fault. There where a couple of times I loved spending that money, and those where in long-term, very loving relationships, and it was never 'expected' of me. Oh my.....we could start a thread probably that would need it's own webpage...lOl! :-) Thank you so kindly...again.....
Jay.."I was only a kid...looking for a fine romance.....if I could do the right dance.."
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