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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 20:20:33
If hospitals make you more suicidal what do you do? They make me feel trapped agitated and desperate and less safe physically. I also become obsessed with finding potential suicide instruments in the hospital. And it's pretty easy. There are more suicides in Hospitals than any other single place outside the home I think. But then how can you talk to anyone about being suicidal when all they say is do you want to be admitted. And I don't want to seem to threaten people if they have nothing to offer. I don't understand those doctors who say call me if you are suicidal. If I was suicidal why would I call him? To say goodbye? That's ridiculous I'm not some kind of emotional sadist. If he had anything to offer me anyway I hardly think he would be holding it back for "emergencies". What's the point? This is not a threat just a question.
I am quite isolated. There is no one nonprofessional I can turn too.
I believe in God but I was never taught that suicide was a sin. I can't grasp that. It seems like a good way to wipe out an ugly useless sinful life. I AM afraid of reincarnation. Somebody threaten me with another childhood fast!!!
Medicines don't do much good. I am way to wound up to risk an SSRI.They made me crazy. Parnate too. I'm taking fishoil and Adderall and SJW and prn xanax.
I have a lot of situational stress. Things are beyond my control there.
I've been obnoxious lately. Please prove your vast moral superiority over me by replying with kindness.
I'm not suicidal to the point of acting on it. I'm very depressed and anxiety through the roof.
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2003, at 20:45:32
In reply to Hospitals make suicidality worse?, posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 20:20:33
Oddipus, you have not been obnoxious. And I can't believe you've led an ugly sinful useless life. You seem quite beautiful to me. I admire your concern for others and your exquisite moral sensibilities. You've made a difference right here. You've made me cry with relief at not being alone in how I feel. Really.
I hate to sound trite, but it's the illness speaking. Plus, all the same things that make you so wonderfully you, your moral sensitivity, your concern for others, make life damn hard.
I can only say how I feel about the suicide thing. I promised to my therapist that I would call him first, and it's another "to do". One that might keep me from acting on impulses. And sometimes while I want to kill myself with every fiber of my being, I'm also terrified of acting on impulse and doing it. Having those agreements in place can be kind of comforting.
I'm sorry you feel so isolated. In matters like this, even tho I have family, I also feel totally dependent on professionals (and to some extent on this board) because my family can't handle that kind of feelings. And those feelings are kind of isolating in themselves. I find myself in a grey fog where I can't see anything or anyone else sometimes.
I think it's wonderful that you reached out here. And I hope that in some way it can help you feel less isolated.
((Oddipus)) Things can and do get better. You're in a trough right now, and it's hard to remember that.
There is a medication or medication combination that can help. And seeing a counselor when you're feeling like this is a wonderful idea. And perhaps, just perhaps, you should stop watching the war coverage. You're probably vibrating like a tuning fork in connection with all the nastiness that is coming over the airwaves.
Take care and keep posting.
Dinah
Posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 21:02:23
In reply to Hospitals make suicidality worse?, posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 20:20:33
You silly goose, who would change the geriatric Oddipups Depends should you depart the planet?
I promise you that you WILL do it all again and do it till you do it right should you depart of your own volition. Repeat to yourself SEVENTH GRADE.Do you really want to do that again? I didn't think so. Now really what's the big deal about a few more years we all get to die in the end you know.
I have strong suspisions that the Agony IndeX is a LIE!!!!!!!!!!! Don't believe it. Think about the old back out minutes when there is no way back ,Oddipus sweetie pie delight what's your anxiety now compared to that?
And, furthermore, God said to tell you:
"IT DOES COUNT! Even if no one else thinks so. A vigil is good. A prayer is good. And thanks for taking care of people and all those animals. Everyone will be alright. And don't worry about the you know what-all is forgiven. And how did you like the sunset? And by the way you're Dr Bob's favorite poster but he just doesn't want to let on to the others. Your civility makes him tremble."
And beloved Oddipus if you wnat to talk to your shrink you should get off the computer so he can call.
Miracles have to happen to someone so it might as well be you. Who knows?
your beloved
oddipus
Posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 21:06:47
In reply to Re: Hospitals make suicidality worse? » OddipusRex, posted by Dinah on March 23, 2003, at 20:45:32
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2003, at 21:13:50
In reply to My dear Oddipus » OddipusRex, posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 21:02:23
Dear Oddipus indeed. I like how you can change a mood in a moment to something lighthearted. But don't let that marvelous skill keep you from asking for help if you need it, ok?
Posted by lostsailor on March 23, 2003, at 21:54:51
In reply to Re: My dear Oddipus, posted by Dinah on March 23, 2003, at 21:13:50
Oddipus,
As silly as it sounds, your pdoc really means what he says. He knows that there is a risk in treating all patients that present with depression/desperation, but there are many that think about suicide that are still affraid of actually doing it.
I know because I made that call once. I did not even bother to call him asking what to do. I asked my mom for a ride to the hosp he's affiliated with and had them call for me, as not to spend anymore time thinking about this when I could turn it over to him where he and other hosp staff could evaluate and assure there was no way to do it.
The feelings still pass thru my mind from time to time, but not ever as intensely as that night in the summer of 2000.
I too, was told that suicide is not something God or my friends and mom wanted. So I really went for them as well as me. Please don't take what he/she says the way it sounds; it does sound like a silly thing to say, but at least make the call to put it off and reflect on it longer. In time, for most--i wish I could say all, but we know i'd be full of it if I did.
Please take care. ~tony
Posted by sienna on March 23, 2003, at 22:36:26
In reply to Re: Hospitals make suicidality worse? » OddipusRex, posted by Dinah on March 23, 2003, at 20:45:32
Oddipus Rex,
Im sorry your having so hard a time. I know i feel badly in hospitals too, scared and alone. It is hard because it feels like there is no hlep like if you arent going to killyourself then they arent worried but if you are planinng it they just lock you up and then they dont help jsut wait for you to not be anymore.
I think dinah maybe right there is a medicine combo that can work. I dont know if you have tried a ssri with a mood stablilizer or even if that is work. But i know when i take too mcuh zoloft i go more crazy but have been ok at a middle range and am addnig the depakote now to stabilze more.
Can you talk to your pdoc and say what is goign on? How long till you see them/ I know there are crisis lines too and maybe they would be able to tell you what will be helpful.
Its very brave that you right here and saying whats goign on. You are not obnoxous at all and Im glad that you posted whats going on. we are here for you and will do everyhting we can to keep you on this earth. You are funny and insightful and have made me laugh today and other days. I for one want to keep you around.
What can we do to help? Please let me know if you can think of anyhting. Please keep posting and let us know how the feelings go.
I know thesse are tough times and we are all goign through a lot and its good that we have each other to talk to about all this stuff. Its hard to go it alone.
I dont know what your threapist would say if you called. bu tim sure they would want to know that you are feeling this way. Tomorrow is monday and its a weekday workday and maybe they will be able to help youget thruogh this without being admitted to the hospital.
I sincerely hope youfeel better soon.
sienna
Posted by sienna on March 23, 2003, at 22:38:56
In reply to My dear Oddipus » OddipusRex, posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 21:02:23
You have me totally laughing. You are so cute. I love readin tgyour posts. You are right it does count. ALl the goodness in us counts and adds up and will make the world a better place. You are a postive influince on the world and we wanna keep you in it.
Congrats Oddipus you are amazing to feel so bad but have such an wonderful sense of humor.love
sienna
Posted by Tabitha on March 25, 2003, at 1:46:01
In reply to My dear Oddipus » OddipusRex, posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 21:02:23
Oh Oddipus, that is the most lovely love-letter. You are a true inspiration. 'Your civility makes him tremble'. Yes it does, I'm sure of it.
Posted by Dinah on March 25, 2003, at 5:58:48
In reply to Thanks Dinah (nm) » Dinah, posted by OddipusRex on March 23, 2003, at 21:06:47
Posted by OddipusRex on March 25, 2003, at 6:53:28
In reply to Re: Good luck with counselor today. (nm) » OddipusRex, posted by Dinah on March 25, 2003, at 5:58:48
Posted by Dinah on March 25, 2003, at 7:33:14
In reply to I'm not going.Thanks everone (nm), posted by OddipusRex on March 25, 2003, at 6:53:28
What's up?
Posted by OddipusRex on March 25, 2003, at 20:24:20
In reply to Re: Oddipus, dear? Why not?, posted by Dinah on March 25, 2003, at 7:33:14
Posted by Dinah on March 25, 2003, at 21:45:43
In reply to Mixed up the time Typical (nm) » Dinah, posted by OddipusRex on March 25, 2003, at 20:24:20
Posted by OddipusRex on March 26, 2003, at 10:09:19
In reply to Re: Rescheduled? (nm) » OddipusRex, posted by Dinah on March 25, 2003, at 21:45:43
Not yet. I want to do CBT and I don't want to start if I'm not up to really working on it. I thought I might just try to work on it myself from workbooks until I'm sure I'm going to stick with it. I'll probably go to someone else. I don't want to explain why I didn't show up the first time.
Another prob with starting now is that I don't think I'm able to evaluate a new therapist while I'm in such a slump.
I can talk to Pdoc for just talking. Except I don't even want to call him for more xanax because I'll have to tell him I didn't show at MSW.
Thanks for replying to all my posts in the middle of your own problems. I appreciate it.
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2003, at 13:13:43
In reply to Re: Rescheduled? » Dinah, posted by OddipusRex on March 26, 2003, at 10:09:19
Ooh, do I reply to *all* your posts? Just tell me to bug off if I get to be a pest.
This may make you feel uncomfortable, so brace yourself. I like you, Oddipus, and I care what happens to you.
I'm sorry you're in a slump. :( But don't worry about being embarassed about forgetting the appointment. I'm sure it's not the first time. In fact I know it isn't because I've heard from others who did the same thing.
Good luck with the CBT. :)
Posted by OddipusRex on March 26, 2003, at 19:27:15
In reply to Re: Rescheduled? » OddipusRex, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2003, at 13:13:43
> Ooh, do I reply to *all* your posts? Just tell me to bug off if I get to be a pest.
>
Now I'm embarassed. I didn't mean ALL all I just meant all the ones you replied to. I always enjoy your posts. you make sense to me :)
Posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 11:33:40
In reply to Re: Rescheduled? » OddipusRex, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2003, at 13:13:43
n better to miss the appointments when you may not be able to really focus and get the most out of them. I find that when in a "slup" I'll leave therapy or my docs and not really even remember all that we discussed therefore it ends up not being of much value anyways. Be well and try to take it easy.
~tony
This is the end of the thread.
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