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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 1:12:55
I've been going to a social worker therapist for a little over a year after my old therapist of 3 years died suddenly.
She's a shy person and, as far as I'm concerned, doesn't reach out to me. She also seems terribly ignorant re meds and most everything else including my profession. I did leave for 1 visit with another therapist about 3 months ago but had such a weird experience I came back to the current one. She's in the same group as my T who died.
I have been told I need to "work on myself" which I interpret to mean getting on w/my professional life and earn an income. That's what I've learned in support groups and therapists have strongly recommended. I'm in agreement but ... homelife is difficult. Spouse has brain damage from strokes, is probably slowing dying, is a sober alcoholic, non-using drug addict, severely depressed, mean sometimes, memory problems, in denial, etc. It has become apparent that to protect myself I've got to hold things together and take most of the home responsibilities. By now I'm just plain depressed and overwhelmed.
One thing I've found helpful is going to professional association meetings. That has led me to suspect that perhaps a career or corporate coach might be of a bit more use to me here than the therapist. However, insurance will NOT pay for a career coach and I am financially strapped. Are there any therapists who have training as career/corporate/professional coaches? Years ago I had a professional & personal friend who was in effect (never planned it this way) a coach and advocate. I went places and did things I really never dreamed possible. That person is no longer around but I'm thinking that someone who is looking out for my best interests (someone who adores me, like T #1 and my former professional friend/advocate) might be my best bet.
Anyone have any experiences along these lines?
Posted by underthecs on August 18, 2004, at 6:50:22
In reply to Coach vs Therapist - Change ?, posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 1:12:55
Is there any way you can find another therapist that is covered by insurance, that can also function as a coach?
I say this because my therapist, who is not officially a coach, often functions in that capacity for me...and of course, it's all covered by insurance.
And I'm very sorry to hear about your former therapist. Of course you deserve a therapist who "adores" you.
Posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 10:53:12
In reply to Re: Coach vs Therapist - Change ? » Lonely, posted by underthecs on August 18, 2004, at 6:50:22
Thanks for response!
Well, I'd love to find a coach-therapist "in-one"!! But, have no idea how to do it. Have asked current T for suggestions of other T's. She didn't find many on the insurance list but the insurance is real sloppy - they don't even have their therapist list online. It's a badly managed company - Magellan.
How would I go about finding a coach/therapist combo? Could I ask how you found yours?
> Is there any way you can find another therapist that is covered by insurance, that can also function as a coach?
>
> I say this because my therapist, who is not officially a coach, often functions in that capacity for me...and of course, it's all covered by insurance.
>
> And I'm very sorry to hear about your former therapist. Of course you deserve a therapist who "adores" you.
Posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 14:19:50
In reply to Coach vs Therapist - Change ?, posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 1:12:55
I just made an appt. with a new therapist and am having major misgivings about it. He *does* have a corporate background so that's good but all the therapists I've seen for the last 4 years were women and I think I'm more comfortable w/women. I talked to this guy's wife last June but she only works with children and recommended her husband.
Sometimes I think it is just such a waste of time when a therapist keeps asking why this and why that. Usually I spend a great deal of time explaining a complex (and therapists have admitted it is complex) background medically and socially. The questions are repetitious since I've explained my history to several different T's in the last year and repetitious because they either aren't listening or think they will get a different answer. Last time I said she (the therapist) was wasting my time. She said "okay, what do you want to talk about?" I said I didn't know and it didn't matter anyway. I come in and talk about things and go home and am not any better.
Is this what other people experience? Somehow, I'm not getting much out of this. Oh, this guy says he uses a psychodynamic approach but already I'm not so sure I like him.
Posted by pegasus on August 18, 2004, at 14:45:54
In reply to Re: Coach vs Therapist - Change ?, posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 14:19:50
Hi Lonely,
So, you don't know what you want to talk about, and whatever you do talk about doesn't help. That's a hard place to be. I'm wondering whether you have particular goals for therapy? Maybe you don't have to give your whole history again, if you have some specific things that *you* are going in there to talk through. Or if you have specific goals that you're hoping to achieve, then maybe it'll be easier to see how any of the stuff you do end up talking about might connect to that.
A psychodynamic therapist is going to want to go into your personal history, because part of that theoretical orientation sees the client's personal history as being critical to gaining insight into their current problems. If you are turned off by that, maybe you could look for someone with more of a Cognitive-Behavioral approach? They would tend to focus on the here and now more.
I hope this is helpful. What you are describing is not what everyone experiences in therapy. Speaking for myself only, I always have particular things that I want to talk about, so, my sessions usually feel more productive (if I manage to talk about the things I've chosen). I have some long term goals for therapy, and over the long term, I can see that I'm getting closer to achieving those goals. Maybe not on a session by session basis, but over several weeks or months, things shift for me.
I hope you're able to find a therapist that can work with you in a way that feels helpful to you.
((Lonely))
pegasus
Posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 15:02:32
In reply to Re: Coach vs Therapist - Change ?, posted by pegasus on August 18, 2004, at 14:45:54
Thanks for your insights, Pegasus.
I went to a psychologist about 1-1/2 years ago who said she used a socratic approach. I felt overwhelmed - it was a why, why, why approach. I felt hammered at. She was jealous of another therapist I saw and made a real something-else of herself. I was grieving over the impending loss of that other therapist although this louse thought it was pure neurosis, I could tell. Unfortunately, the first therapist did die. And I was left with no back-up. I'm pretty bitter about therapists. The cavalier attitude doesn't get it.
Psychodynamic may not be for me either, then. While I certainly am well aware that past experiences affect the present I know that with the proper support and dynamics it can be better partly because I will figure out some things on my own.
Yes, I can think of things to talk about but I don't really feel all that much better for it. And, it sure isn't taking me anywhere. I've noticed that therapists DO get angry and sabotage patients. The current one just asked me to handle her hassle w/insurance company because they denied payment on 2 visits. The ins. company is completely wrong but she needs to get her bookkeeper/insurance clerk on the trail here, not me. She pays her clerk to do this - she expects me to do it for free.I have most always struggled in talking to therapists - it's like deep down bottom-of-the-barrel what-difference-does-it-make kind of feeling. Something's wrong here and I don't know what to do.
I'm glad you told me that not everyone has my experience but now ... yes, I can set goals but therapy sure doesn't get me to them.
Posted by underthecs on August 18, 2004, at 15:21:39
In reply to Re: Coach vs Therapist - Change ?, posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 14:19:50
Hi. When is your appointment w/new T?
My therapist also has a corporate background, so he does supportive/coaching stuff as well. Actually, he's very eclectic and just uses whatever is needed at the time. You asked me in an earlier post how I found him. Many years ago, I was hospitalized for depression and he was "assigned" to me, and we just clicked. I didn't see him much after I got out, but then looked him up a lot of years later and am back in therapy with him again. I wasn't looking for a "coach" necessarily, but it turns out he is good at that, too. He wears many hats: counselor/therapist, cheerleader, coach, parental figure, mentor, reality checker, advocate, collaborator, etc.
And I hear you about having to tell your story over and over. Luckily, mine remembered most everything, even after 12 years! I did see a different therapist once (just once!) in between, when mine was out of the state and I couldn't locate him... and I just hated her! And it wasn't really anything about her, it's just that there was no chemistry or fit. It just did not feel right. Luckily, when I just couldn't go on any longer, I typed my therapist's name into a search engine and BAM! There he was! Back in the state. I've been with him almost 2 years. Fit, chemistry... is VERY important, at least to me. It's what keeps you coming back; it keeps you invested in the process when you really DO NOT want to be.
Would it help to sit and write out the history so you don't have to keep re-telling it? And then the new therapist can just ask for clarification if needed? If he can't try to understand how frustrating it is to start over, and is stubborn about that, then keep looking. I think it is important for a therapist to meet you where YOU are, and not expect that you do everything THEIR way or on their timetable. You are the most important person in the therapy room. Don't forget that.
And, a good starting point could be just to talk about how frustrating it is to keep changing therapists. If you find a good therapist, they will be able to help you talk. You don't have to do all the work alone.
Your last comment was that you're not sure you like this new therapist. Why not? Can you tell us more?
Posted by gardenergirl on August 19, 2004, at 10:23:27
In reply to Re: Coach vs Therapist - Change ?, posted by underthecs on August 18, 2004, at 15:21:39
Hi Lonely,
You might also ask your new T to request your records from your prior T if possible. Each T needs to have a written plan place for how their records are to be handled in the event of their retirement or death. It's a professional will. It may be a bit harder than simply requesting them from another T who is still practicing, but it may be worth it to help your new T and to minimize rehashing too much stuff. Although how you tell the new T is just as important as the content, IMO.Good luck to you. I hope this T is what you are looking for!
gg
Posted by jane d on August 20, 2004, at 0:38:09
In reply to Re: Coach vs Therapist - Change ?, posted by gardenergirl on August 19, 2004, at 10:23:27
Gardener Girl,
Can you describe the professional will a little more. Is the content dictated by the profession or the state - ie it has to say something like if it's Alabama and you are a social worker it must say the records go to fellow professional so and so or is it something a professional has some choice in? Is "what happens when you die" something that we should add to our list of interview questions for future therapists?
Just curious.
Jane
Posted by gardenergirl on August 20, 2004, at 1:29:27
In reply to Re: Professional will? » gardenergirl, posted by jane d on August 20, 2004, at 0:38:09
Hi Jane,
For psychologists, it is part of the APA's code of ethics, to which all psychologists must abide. I would imagine that state law may vary. If it is written into state law, that supercedes, at least legally, the ethics code. If not, ethical code applys. The person designated to store or destroy records is usually either a fellow professional or the exectutor of the estate. I may be wrong, but I believe said person is also bound by confidentiality and protection of the records via the agreement. I have to admit, no one has ever asked me that question in an intake or later in therapy. But then I have been seeing people as part of agencies, so I would assume there is an agency policy in place as well. I think if the person is a private practitioner, then it might be worth asking up front. Of course you can always ask...but then there is the "why ask that" issue that always seems to come up after a legitimate question ;)Hope that helps.
gg
Posted by lucy stone on August 20, 2004, at 20:33:09
In reply to Re: Professional will? » jane d, posted by gardenergirl on August 20, 2004, at 1:29:27
My T is a member of the APA and Ihave asked him what would happen to his records if anything happened to him. I was/am concerned about anyone but him having access to him notes. He has a partner and he said that she has been designated to store the records in case anything happened to him. He said that as soon as she had word she would go to the office and lock everything up.
> Hi Jane,
> For psychologists, it is part of the APA's code of ethics, to which all psychologists must abide. I would imagine that state law may vary. If it is written into state law, that supercedes, at least legally, the ethics code. If not, ethical code applys. The person designated to store or destroy records is usually either a fellow professional or the exectutor of the estate. I may be wrong, but I believe said person is also bound by confidentiality and protection of the records via the agreement. I have to admit, no one has ever asked me that question in an intake or later in therapy. But then I have been seeing people as part of agencies, so I would assume there is an agency policy in place as well. I think if the person is a private practitioner, then it might be worth asking up front. Of course you can always ask...but then there is the "why ask that" issue that always seems to come up after a legitimate question ;)
>
> Hope that helps.
>
> gg
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