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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on March 20, 2005, at 11:57:57
I was writing this post to Jlynn in the thread above, but once I started writing, I thought maybe I should put it in it's own thread.
My dad died when my son was five months old. This is the part of his death I struggle with the most.It's so strange because when my husband and I were trying to start our family, I told him that I just wanted to have a child my dad could meet. I think, in some way, I knew he was sick and wouldn't be around much longer.
Anyway, for the first few months of my son's life, my dad was healthy enough to enjoy being with him and, while he was always a supportive and sweet father to me, he was exceptionally loving with my son. And I feel like my having his first grandson changed the way my dad saw me, too. I loved seeing them together and the way my relationship with my dad was changing. I wish so badly that could have continued on.
I talk to my son about my dad, show him pictures, he has some of my dad's toys and he knows they belonged to grandpa, and he also knows that part of his name was grandpa's name. Sadly, though, it just doesn't seem like enough to me. When I see my son with his other grandpa I love it, but it hurts so much. Oddly enough, last Easter my in-laws were doing an egg hunt for my son and when my father-in-law was playing with him, I had to go upstairs and cry for a little. Their relationship overwhelms me. I want it to be my dad with him, too.
Maybe part of me wishes I had that kind of relationship with my dad when I was little. Like I said, my dad was supportive and sweet, but he wasn't really around so much.
Ugh. I want a do over.
Posted by TofuEmmy on March 20, 2005, at 14:06:19
In reply to My dad, posted by All Done on March 20, 2005, at 11:57:57
Oh LaLa...now you've done it! You done made me cry too!
I don't have kids, and my mom never got to be a nana. But I see my niecey and wish she knew her nana. And her other grandma is a reeaaal douchebag. Can you say douchebag here? I wonder. :-)
Anyhoo, have I told you lately that I think you're swell and not at all a douchebag? And you're the bestest mom ever. I'm wondering if you will temporarily adopt me while I'm going through my 15th childhood? It doesn't matter that I'm way the heck older than you.
Thanks, your pal emmy
Posted by gardenergirl on March 21, 2005, at 0:41:33
In reply to Re: My dad » All Done, posted by TofuEmmy on March 20, 2005, at 14:06:19
Oh Laurie,
I'm crying here, too. Although it started when I read the above thread. And I think it's PMS, cause I also cryed when they graduated at the end of Legally Blonde. Not to take anything away from these tears, D'oh! But I'm a cryer.Anyway, I have had some similar feelings when I talk to my younger cousins who never knew our grandpa. I was nine when he died. I remember him teaching us about science stuff and flying kites with him. And we always get out the slides my aunt has of all his photography. If you ever want to see a late 60's early 70's fashion show, just let me know. It's a riot. But the young cousins have no memories of these things except from the stories and from watching the slide shows. I remember those pants. And the trip to the air force base. And my cousin throwing up after the helicopter ride.
At any rate, I am so glad you had those brief months. And in some ways, I think that is the nature of grandparenting. Parents get the chance to "do-over" what they may not have been able to do as well when they were in the thick of life with their own kids. And I imagine that is both a blessing and painful for the kid to see.
It's so wonderful that you keep him alive for N. I really know almost nothing about my dad's dad. Apparently I met him once when I was a babe. But no one talks about him much. Heck, he had a whole new family whom I've met, but no one talks much about them, either.
You are a super wonderful and caring mommy.
gg
Posted by Augustina on March 21, 2005, at 18:18:59
In reply to My dad, posted by All Done on March 20, 2005, at 11:57:57
Hi Laurie,
I hope you will continue to treasure those precious few months you had with your dad when you felt your relationship with him was changing. I know it's hard b/c we always want more or in my case, I felt it so unfair that my mom was taken away from me just as our relationship was becoming much more fulfilling.
I don't have children of my own but I make sure to tell my 3yr old niece and 1yr old nephew about their grandma and show them pictures of her too.Like GG said, you ARE a wonderful and caring mom.
take care,
A.
Posted by All Done on March 22, 2005, at 1:26:43
In reply to Re: My dad » All Done, posted by TofuEmmy on March 20, 2005, at 14:06:19
> Oh LaLa...now you've done it! You done made me cry too!
>
> I don't have kids, and my mom never got to be a nana. But I see my niecey and wish she knew her nana. And her other grandma is a reeaaal douchebag. Can you say douchebag here? I wonder. :-)
>
> Anyhoo, have I told you lately that I think you're swell and not at all a douchebag? And you're the bestest mom ever. I'm wondering if you will temporarily adopt me while I'm going through my 15th childhood? It doesn't matter that I'm way the heck older than you.
>
> Thanks, your pal emmyEms,
I'm not at all a douchebag, huh? That's got to be the sweetest thing you've ever said to me ;).
I would gladly adopt you, but only if I can do your hair, put you in really cute dresses, and take you shoe shopping every third Sunday of the month. And BTW, I don't think you're really way the heck older than me. I believe you're younger than my sisters.
Thanks for the kind words. I love being a mommy more than anything in the world...so it's nice to hear I might be doing something right once in a while :).
Thanks for being My Pal Emmy (Hey! I think you could be a doll.)
Hugs,
Laurie
Posted by All Done on March 22, 2005, at 1:52:37
In reply to Re: My dad, posted by gardenergirl on March 21, 2005, at 0:41:33
> Oh Laurie,
> I'm crying here, too. Although it started when I read the above thread. And I think it's PMS, cause I also cryed when they graduated at the end of Legally Blonde. Not to take anything away from these tears, D'oh! But I'm a cryer.
>
> Anyway, I have had some similar feelings when I talk to my younger cousins who never knew our grandpa. I was nine when he died. I remember him teaching us about science stuff and flying kites with him. And we always get out the slides my aunt has of all his photography. If you ever want to see a late 60's early 70's fashion show, just let me know. It's a riot. But the young cousins have no memories of these things except from the stories and from watching the slide shows. I remember those pants. And the trip to the air force base. And my cousin throwing up after the helicopter ride.
>
> At any rate, I am so glad you had those brief months. And in some ways, I think that is the nature of grandparenting. Parents get the chance to "do-over" what they may not have been able to do as well when they were in the thick of life with their own kids. And I imagine that is both a blessing and painful for the kid to see.
>
> It's so wonderful that you keep him alive for N. I really know almost nothing about my dad's dad. Apparently I met him once when I was a babe. But no one talks about him much. Heck, he had a whole new family whom I've met, but no one talks much about them, either.
>
> You are a super wonderful and caring mommy.
>
> gggg,
Didn't mean to make you cry, but I understand. Sometimes I cry at soup commercials or when someone wins big on a game show. It's really pathetic.
You know, I like that you brought up looking at the slides. My family used to pull out old 8mm home movies on the weekends. Most of the movies were of my (half) sisters, their mom, and our dad. I never knew their mom (she passed away and then my dad met and married my mom), but the movies helped me to know and understand a little more about her. Even without sound. I think it gave my sisters the opportunity to share what they remembered and loved about her. I will have to find every video I have with my dad in it for N to look at someday. The last video we have with him was N's christening. We had the minister who married us come to my parents' house to do it because my dad was so sick at that point. We knew he didn't have long to live. We kept it very small - just immediate family and his godparents. I picked something very short for my dad to read because his throat was so sore, but I desperately wanted him to have a part in it. He couldn't have read it more beautifully. He was so very proud. It was beautiful.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.Proverbs 17:6
Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.I haven't been able to bring myself to watch the video yet, though. I don't know what I'm waiting for. There will never be a perfect time.
Sorry to go on and on. This thread is just bringing up lots of stuff for me.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and for being so sweet to me.
Laurie
Posted by All Done on March 22, 2005, at 2:18:55
In reply to Re: My dad » All Done, posted by Augustina on March 21, 2005, at 18:18:59
> Hi Laurie,
>
> I hope you will continue to treasure those precious few months you had with your dad when you felt your relationship with him was changing. I know it's hard b/c we always want more or in my case, I felt it so unfair that my mom was taken away from me just as our relationship was becoming much more fulfilling.
> I don't have children of my own but I make sure to tell my 3yr old niece and 1yr old nephew about their grandma and show them pictures of her too.
>
> Like GG said, you ARE a wonderful and caring mom.
>
> take care,
> A.Thank you, Augustina. I'm very sorry we have this in common. I wish you could have had your mom and I could have had my dad around much longer so we could continue to enjoy the nice progression of our relationships.
I "talk" to my dad a lot and I take comfort in the fact that I believe he is watching over me and my family. And now he really knows how much I loved him, and he can see that love filtering into my relationship with my son.
Take care and cherish the memories you have of your mom.
Laurie
Posted by gardenergirl on March 22, 2005, at 13:35:56
In reply to Re: My dad » gardenergirl, posted by All Done on March 22, 2005, at 1:52:37
But that's okay. It's cathartic.
gg
This is the end of the thread.
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