Posted by All Done on March 20, 2005, at 11:57:57
I was writing this post to Jlynn in the thread above, but once I started writing, I thought maybe I should put it in it's own thread.
My dad died when my son was five months old. This is the part of his death I struggle with the most.It's so strange because when my husband and I were trying to start our family, I told him that I just wanted to have a child my dad could meet. I think, in some way, I knew he was sick and wouldn't be around much longer.
Anyway, for the first few months of my son's life, my dad was healthy enough to enjoy being with him and, while he was always a supportive and sweet father to me, he was exceptionally loving with my son. And I feel like my having his first grandson changed the way my dad saw me, too. I loved seeing them together and the way my relationship with my dad was changing. I wish so badly that could have continued on.
I talk to my son about my dad, show him pictures, he has some of my dad's toys and he knows they belonged to grandpa, and he also knows that part of his name was grandpa's name. Sadly, though, it just doesn't seem like enough to me. When I see my son with his other grandpa I love it, but it hurts so much. Oddly enough, last Easter my in-laws were doing an egg hunt for my son and when my father-in-law was playing with him, I had to go upstairs and cry for a little. Their relationship overwhelms me. I want it to be my dad with him, too.
Maybe part of me wishes I had that kind of relationship with my dad when I was little. Like I said, my dad was supportive and sweet, but he wasn't really around so much.
Ugh. I want a do over.
poster:All Done
thread:473154
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20041230/msgs/473154.html