![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on January 19, 2005, at 16:18:10
(I am reprinting some stuff from 'social pb' because it has to do with death, grief, and loss. Thanks for reading.)
Now I find out my Dad is dying of kidney disease.
He's got about 5 or less years on dyalisis and then it's "game over".My Dad IS my best friend...and I spent an half hour crying with my Mom today...we don't know what we are going to do. Once my parents go....I have a 'plan b' if needed if I am still alone. That's really the first time I thought of that. And no, that will only be years down the road. S*hit...why the f*ck does this hurt and kill so badly inside of me? God f*king dam...These are the biggest issues in life....and it's all falling apart on me.(I have some...uhhh..'relationship' probs too..heh. Esp., not being able to have a child for my living Father.) For once, I really feel sorry for myself..it sounds selfish...but death, no love, no life, emptiness. I lost my first best friend at 19 to suicide. He blew his f*king head off in his bedroom. I have lost a child (very young)...which is a whole other horror story. I lost a woman I deeply loved in a car accident just a few years ago. Now I have to lose someone who is, like my child, the same soul, blood, love as me. He is the most wonderful man,liberal father, in the world. I hold him in my arms...I kiss his wiskered cheeks. I had the most wonderful, amazing and loving childhood and parents ANYONE could EVER want. We laughed...we lived so strong...oh boy did we ever....*nothing* could bring down my Daddy! My Mom and Dad loved me like no love could be known. Then this dam fuc*ing world had to come in and take me away to college...get a job...all that 'grown up' stuff. The day I have to burry my Dad, I will be strong for my Mom's sake, and hold her tight, but a part of me will have died too. Dad..."Your the reason I sing...You are the Opera in me....Please don't leave me here alone...a house doesn't make a home..."
~Jay
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2005, at 16:32:04
In reply to Loss...Like a Vapor Trail, posted by jay on January 19, 2005, at 16:18:10
I'm sorry, Jay. There's nothing I can say other than it stinks.
One good thing about *knowing* is that at an ideal, it can give you some really really special time together. After my father figured out how ill he was, he did things he had never done before. Apologized to me when he said something hurtful. Told me he loved me.
My therapist says that people usually die the way they lived. It sounds as if your father lived well. Cherish the time you have together, and make it special.
Don't worry about the child for your father. It's not something to rush. Your best monument to your father will be the man *you* are. I'm doing my darndest to see that things my father cared about are being taken care of the way he'd want it done. It's not easy, but it's my way of honoring him.
Posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:48:26
In reply to Re: Loss...Like a Vapor Trail » jay, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2005, at 16:32:04
> I'm sorry, Jay. There's nothing I can say other than it stinks.
>
> One good thing about *knowing* is that at an ideal, it can give you some really really special time together. After my father figured out how ill he was, he did things he had never done before. Apologized to me when he said something hurtful. Told me he loved me.
>
> My therapist says that people usually die the way they lived. It sounds as if your father lived well. Cherish the time you have together, and make it special.
>
> Don't worry about the child for your father. It's not something to rush. Your best monument to your father will be the man *you* are. I'm doing my darndest to see that things my father cared about are being taken care of the way he'd want it done. It's not easy, but it's my way of honoring him.
>
>Dinah,
Thank you for your post. A book I sugggest to all/anyone (esp. those in grieving) is "Tuesday's With Morrie" It's not a long book, but packed with a powerful, very smart and meaningful true story. Have a look....
Anyhow, yes, I take the time with my Dad, every single moving second, and capture it and hold it deep inside me. Even if we are sitting there not even talking.
I guess I was very lucky because my Dad always did extraordinary things for me. 35 years of those memories are like a secret touch on the heart. That chain of memories, those things, will never, ever be broken.
Everyone, I mean *everyone*, say's my Dad and I are just alike...they recognize all of the million little parts the second they get to see both of us. Like you said, I guess my best monument to him is to *keep on being like that*...keep on being me...true to myself. It's great that you can model things after what your father cared about too. That counts....that counts *A LOT*! Maybe more than you will ever know. Don't forget that!
Sincerely,
Jay
Posted by partlycloudy on January 20, 2005, at 17:12:57
In reply to Re: Loss...Like a Vapor Trail » Dinah, posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:48:26
Hi, Jay. I wanted to share with you that when my dad was dying, I too knew how special the remaining time was that we could have together. I felt that each moment spent with him was a gift and they are etched in my mind. Those memories are especially cherished ones now (he died in 1985). You're a lucky son (and he's a lucky dad, and I'm sure he knows it) to have such a close relationship with him.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 23, 2005, at 17:02:40
In reply to Re: Loss...Like a Vapor Trail, posted by partlycloudy on January 20, 2005, at 17:12:57
Jay,
I'm glad you have time to develop more memories to cherish. I've recently become closer to my own father. It feels like a blessing, especially since he appears to be in very poor health. My T reminded me to be with him as he is and to cherish what we've developed. I'm so glad you have lovely memories to store.And how wonderful that you value qualities in yourself you can trace to you father.
Take care,
gg
Posted by judy1 on January 26, 2005, at 12:50:31
In reply to Re: Loss...Like a Vapor Trail » Dinah, posted by jay on January 20, 2005, at 13:48:26
another book by Albom is "The Five People you meet in Heaven" which was really comforting to me when I have dealt with the deaths of people close to me. I hope you are able to get even closer to your dead in the time he has left.
take care, judy
Posted by judy1 on January 26, 2005, at 12:53:35
In reply to Re: Loss...Like a Vapor Trail, posted by judy1 on January 26, 2005, at 12:50:31
my brother just passed away and I probably shouldn't write until I'm clearer. hope I didn't upset you- judy
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Grief | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.