![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Carol F on October 7, 2003, at 16:26:31
Has anyone else here on this board lost their child? I lost my daughter, Megan, 2 years ago. She was 17. It was a long drawn out illness, brain tumor. I am still having an extremely hard time dealing with her loss. Sometimes, I can't even function. I was diagnosed a manic depressive before all of this even started. I need to talk to someone because sometimes I think it would just be easier to die.
Posted by rayww on October 8, 2003, at 7:04:31
In reply to Has anyone else here lost a child?, posted by Carol F on October 7, 2003, at 16:26:31
I haven't lost a daughter, but my daughter lost her best friend in a car accident when she was 14. I have struggled with father loss. He died when I was 18, leaving my handicapped mother to care for 5 children, or I should say, leaving 5 children to care for their mother. It is very difficult but there is help.
Treat your disorder first. In bipolar we experience life in the outer limit arena; we feel more, we experience more because of the depth of feeling we are able to reach. At some point we need to acknowledge this as a gift, and focus on using it that way. Each phase can teach us something. Learn to recognize the different phases of manic depression (bipolar disorder). Think of them as swings. I have many different swings in my back yard. Some are tall and pretty, others are wide and out of proportion, but I can enjoy them all. If you fear medication, try nutritional supplements first, like calcium magnesium, fish oils, herbal teas, and other things you read about here. If you would like to try a more aggressive nutritional supplement, the one that has given me the most immediate long term help is Empower Plus from http://truehope.com
It is important to realize your daughter lives on in spirit, and can hover near. Develop a more acute awareness of your surroundings. This is easy for bipolars because they can see deeper into things. Notice similarities to her love, her sense of humor, her kindness, her strength. You may see something in a sun set, a flower, a butterfly, or a storm that connects you to her spirit. Don't fear the god breezes. Look up.
Posted by WakingDreamer on October 14, 2003, at 21:36:43
In reply to Has anyone else here lost a child?, posted by Carol F on October 7, 2003, at 16:26:31
carol i cant say i feel your pain because my loss was sudden and of a very young child and i cant be in the shoes of a mother who slowly loses a young woman-daughter.
every day i think like you it would be easier to die, but then i would inflict pain on others who care for me, despite me pushing them away.
yes, please take care of your own mental health, physical health and so on, perhaps some body work and find that you carry your daughter with you every moment.
Posted by rickoshay on October 15, 2003, at 8:51:23
In reply to Has anyone else here lost a child?, posted by Carol F on October 7, 2003, at 16:26:31
Yes Carol,I lost my 20 year old son last march in a car crash.I believe losing one's child is the most monstrous cruelty life could visit upon any parent.All assumptions of some kind of order and meaning to life seem to vanish as quickly as the instant between one's childs existence and non-existence.The pain is immense;birthdays,clothes,photos just to name a few "triggers" seem to be everywhere.How to deal with it? Frankly,I don't know.I think the residual pain is a measure of ones love for a precious gift and in the same breath an indicator of the existence of some power that must be divine to have created such a blessing.Beyond that is above my capacity to understand.Try your hardest to be good to yourself,seek out friends..real friends who will listen.Professional help too, couldn't come at a better time.Finally there is an organization called "compassionate friends" that I believe is nationwide which deals specifically with bereavement.Local chapters shouldn't be hard to locate.Good luck,and God bless and protect you on this long road.
Posted by PHV on October 15, 2003, at 23:18:36
In reply to Re: Has anyone else here lost a child? » Carol F, posted by rickoshay on October 15, 2003, at 8:51:23
My little sister passed away over thirty years ago very unexpectedly at the very young age of 17 months. She was the forth of four girls. I am now the youngest. My parents marriage fell apart shortly after that and they divorced. I often tried to discuss my sister with my mom, but she shuts it off. She has pictures of all of hers and her new husbands kids around her house - except of my little sister. I've tried to give them to her - only to find they are no longer there. I don't want to push on her. Losing a child is the most difficult loss a person could ever experience.
Last summer my mother and father and his wife came to town for my Grandmother's funeral. Even though this was the paternal grandmother, my mother gave her granchildern and they remained very close over the years. After an end to an absolute gut wrenching day, we all stopped to see my lillte sister gravesite. My mother fell apart for the first time in over 30 years. I think she finally felt safe that her children and her baby's father was right by her side sobbing sway with her. Finally - she seemed to find some long lost solace she'd been searching years for. Perhaps allowing herself to breakdown in my fathers arms - because they are the only two who know what it felt like to lose their daughter.
As difficult as it was for me to see my mother so disturbed, I see that she's finally facing the loss after all these years and starting to come to terms with it rather than burying it deep inside.
I'm not a parent - but for the last 30+ years I have watched my mother struggle with this issue as best she could When she finally allowed herself to breakdown with the people who were there with her all these years - she was finally able to become somewhat more accepting and has brought about a sense of peace in her life that I've never seen before.
Losing a loved one - let alone a beautiful, innocent child - leaves me speechless . . .
I wish for those of you suffering to keep the faith in our Lord. I also truly believe that I have my own personal guardian angel out there who has helped me get through some of the most difficult situations in my life. She was always there.
I pray you find peace and contentment in your heart. Please believe in your faith. That is often the only thing we can grasp onto that makes sense.
God Bless You,
Patty
Posted by dde on October 28, 2003, at 0:36:00
In reply to Re: Has anyone else here lost a child? » Carol F, posted by rickoshay on October 15, 2003, at 8:51:23
I, too, have lost a child. He was a beautiful 10 year old redhead, with gorgeous brown eyes and the sweetest smile. Suicide, after taking Effexor XR for ADHD. I have tried to warn other parents about this medication and have basically been "shut down" by Dr. Bob when I make any mention of this medication or Wyeth. Now Wyeth has sent out its own "DEAR DOCTOR" letter telling doctors to get kids off this stuff before there are more deaths or attempts of suicide. Thanks, Dr. Bob, for being there for the pharmecutical company and not the patients....I am certain they appreciate it.
I just want to say that losing a child had been the most difficult thing I had done in my life to that date...I find that keeping his siblings alive and moving through the grieving/guilt process without losing them too has been equally as difficult.
My arms ache to hold my baby boy, every sense has been affected...his smell after a long day playing in the sun, the feel of his hand in mine as we walked or drove anywhere, the feel of his fuzzy little forehead as I kissed it in his sleep, tucking his arms under the blankets and wishing him sweetest dreams, the taste of death as I tried to resusecitate him, begging him to breathe.
I accept he is not with me physically, but he will always be my little boy, will always have his picture on my wall and we will meet at our special place on the given day and I will hold him again. Faith is what I hold on to...that and the memories.
My heart goes out to those who are also grieving. I can say that my motto used to be "This, too, shall pass." Shakespeare. It is now "I know the Lord will not give me more than I can handle today, I just wish he didn't trust me so much." when it feels like I am getting more than my share I turn to him. This warrior is His child.
Posted by EREIAMJH on November 5, 2003, at 8:25:57
In reply to Has anyone else here lost a child?, posted by Carol F on October 7, 2003, at 16:26:31
I lost my daughter to SIDS. Yesterday would have been her 20th birthday. So strange to consider, she would have been close in age to your daughter.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and the pain I hear in your post. So often people seem to think that you should be "over it" after a certain length of time. Who decides when you are allowed to be "over" the devastating loss of a child? I don't think you're ever over it.
Have you tried to find support groups locally? Compassionate Friends is good, I can post a link to their website if you like. Other good ways of finding support are to contact the local hospital, or to look towards the front of your phone book for "First Call for Help." They are run by United Way and are dedicated to connecting people in need with community resources that are available to them.
Would you like to tell us about your daughter? I'd like to hear about her... if you'd like to talk. It is often very helpful to just write it all down, and I'm here to listen if you think you'd like to do that.
----
EREIAMJH, the ghost in the machine
Posted by Anti-Trust on January 7, 2004, at 16:16:29
In reply to Has anyone else here lost a child?, posted by Carol F on October 7, 2003, at 16:26:31
my husband, when he was 16 and gf was 18 lost a baby boy at age 3 months in bed w/ them, they woke to a dead child. It still haunts him even though he is in his 40's and had went on to get married (his 1st marriage) and have 3 healthy kids. but I have heard stories and it will never leave him!
personally I have never lost a born child but have had two miscarriages in the 2 trimester,
must a lost to me but not as much of a lost in my eyes to one that has held fed changed etc
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Grief | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.