Posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 19:50:34
Tonight I'm self-medicating with alcohol. Vodka 100 proof and lime juice, on the rocks.
The best part about not drinking much in the last few weeks?
I'm getting a buzz already.
The truth is that I'm lonely. Nothing on TV. I might as well turn on my inner TV and listen to it for a while. I'm sick of hearing a voice that says "Get up and DO SOMETHING" or worse "Why can't you freaking manage your moods" "Why can't you get the self-injury under control" Now I have a voice that says "I feel funny!" "I want to do something crazy!!" "Let's go post on the substance abuse board-- haven't been there in a while"
Tonight. I say fukitol. A healthy, therapeutic dose of fukitol. I've been fighting the blues (DEEP INDIGO BLUES) all day long. ALL DAY LONG. my 11th hour awake. and I'm plum worn out.
N'zdrovie (did I spell that right?)
Oh yeah, while I'm posting buzzed (not drunk yet) I might as well do the whole purging confession thing. I never once have smoked anything. never even held a cigarette (so pure! so innocent) BUT- I have enjoyed my share of opiate painkillers. I even have one left over from my last sugery. just in case...
And the best is yet to come. Nitrous Oxide NO!. from the whipping cream can. My favorite part of the sundae. I do this every couple of months. When I'm feeling like a glutton.
Mostly it's just binge drinking. At my worst, I sit here (alone of course) with a bottle of wine, or whatever else is handy. Feel sorry for myself and sip sip sip until it's sleepy time. Drunk dialing to my little brother, who seems to drink most nights too.
I've been told that I'm cute when I'm drunk. I get happy and uninhibited. Well, what happens when there's no happiness? The only thing left is disinhibition.
What do I want from you? Well, I want to feel bad. I want to punish myself. I'm not in a very good place right now. I'm listening to the biggest liar in the world, right inside my very own head. saying bad things to me.
poster:llrrrpp
thread:655356
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20060512/msgs/655356.html