Posted by capricorn on December 2, 2012, at 20:04:24
Evidence(treated for depression at nearly 17. Diagnosed with sz at 18. Rediagnosed schizoaffective between 26-31.
Current diagnosis personality disorder when 48(2005). Hospitalised around 10x between 1975-83 but none since. On antipsychotics 75-82 lithium 82-98 lithium +anti psychotics 98-2002 tegretol +antipsychotics 2002-2005 antipsychotics 2006- 2009 antipsychotic depot injection 2009- . (occasional use of antidepressants over the years)According to pdoc i have psychotic symptoms. Other symptoms reckoned to be anxiety/depression/mood swings/paranoid thinking and apparently have long term problems with thinking and behaviour. Struggle with poor motivation and drive/difficulty thinking of and setting goals/not good at taking the initiative.
Even before the social anxiety had chronic social interaction difficulties(have had less than a handful of friends over 55 years) and was bullied especially at public school for being physically and socially awkward.
Some areas of cognitive difficulty despite having a high IQ(Verbal much higher than non verbal. Difficulty with constructional/visuospatial tasks. Problems with organising and planning(executive functioning?) ).I know that i function less well than people of a similar age but still i really struggle to accept i'm ill.Know i am not 'normal' but struggle to accept i'm ill maybe because as i have got older my symptoms have become more chronic and less acute.
Try to rationalise by saying 'pdocs wouldn't have seen you for 39 years if you weren't ill' but it's hard. Still tend to think i'm dysfunctional etc rather than properly ill.
If anything the tendency to think i'm dysfunctional as opposed to ill has been more pronounced since my diagnosis was changed to personality disorder.
I am aware that in some/many quarters a PD is not seen as a mental illness and have read statements like "Personality disorder is not strictly a mental health problem"That coupled with the fact i have consistent, chronic areas of difficulty adds weight to the self labelling as dysfunctional/social misfit.
Even as a child/teenager, pre involvement with psychiatry, i was different from many of my peers and had difficulty interacting with others. I was badly teased because i was different as a teenager.I have never had a period of complete remission from problems/symptoms but more times when the problems/symptoms are less pronounced or periods of being comparatively but not totally ok.
poster:capricorn
thread:1032352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20120929/msgs/1032352.html