Posted by Emme-V2 on October 2, 2011, at 20:05:40
In reply to Re: Should I have a child or not? » Emme-V2, posted by Dinah on October 2, 2011, at 14:51:41
> I'd say to you that by making that choice, given your knowledge of your situation, you were being a good mother.
>
> The decision not to have children isn't as stigmatizing as it used to be, thank heavens. Even in my generation.
>
> I think of having a child as being more of a fiduciary responsibility than an ownership. The child isn't ours. It's God's, or the world's, or most particularly their own selves. We can choose to take on the duty and joy and pain of nurturing them and helping them grow to their full potential. But it *is* a responsibility, and for those people with the ability to choose whether to get pregnant, it is the first of many choices that need to be made with well being of the child in mind.
>
> I respect you for understanding your resources and the needs of a child, and choosing to do what you consider to be the right thing for that child.
>Hi Dinah,
Thanks for your perspective. It's funny. Not having children was never actually a choice I made. In a way I suppose it was a choice by default. It was really a case of hoping for the circumstances that I felt were needed to have the child I wanted. The main circumstance missing was marriage since I didn't think I could go it alone.
Although I lost so many years to my mood disorder, that was eventually brought into enough remission that with the right person as a mate, adoption would have been a good option. My friends always thought I'd make a good mother. I guess some small part of me hopes (maybe unrealistically) that I'll still meet someone and maybe adopt an older child with him.
Anyway, that's probably way too much info for an internet forum. I usually like to stay pretty private on publicly available forums. This topic hit a nerve.
Your son is lucky to have such an insightful mom.
emme
poster:Emme-V2
thread:998481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20110910/msgs/998593.html