Posted by Dinah on October 2, 2011, at 2:08:27
In reply to Re: Should I have a child or not? » PhoenixGirl, posted by torrid on October 1, 2011, at 19:09:31
> How about looking at it from the other direction, you listed reasons not to become a mother, make a list of reason to become a mother
>
> Women don't truely grow up until they have kids
>
> you don't know how much you are capable of loving another human being until you have kids.
>
> children give life purpose.
>
> it's a labor of love.
>
> It may not be the right thing for you but look at all sides. As far as the genetic thing, gosh I don't know.I don't think women ought to choose to have babies until they *are* grown up. And I know a fair number of women who have children who aren't grown up at all. Seems like a gamble staked by an innocent child.
Some women give birth and discover they aren't really capable of love at all. And many people know how to love already.
On this site, I'm sure most of us realize that people don't change their stripes when they have a child. Cruel people become cruel parents. Selfish people become selfish parents. Well meaning but incapable parents abound. Did all of our parents go through the crucible at childbirth that enabled them to love greatly or parent well? Not that I'm saying Phoenixgirl is any of those things. But basically all of us bring ourselves along when we become parents, with all our flaws and shortcomings. Before we had a baby I worried about certain aspects of my and my husband's personality and sure enough those aspects held true into parenthood.
I shudder when I hear parents talk about a baby as if it were a pet. (Well, I also shudder when I hear people talk about pets that way.) Children aren't put on earth for the benefit of mothers or fathers. "It's mine! I own it!" I hear from parents. "I want it."
To paraphrase... "Ask not what your baby can do for you, but what you can do for your baby."
Are you in a position, emotionally financially and in terms of relationships, to be a good parent to a child?
And to be realistic, sweet baby hugs are wonderful. How about screaming temper tantrums from that child or nonstop colic? How about children who don't do well in school or have behavior problems? How about children who give their parents grief with drug addictions, acting out as teenagers, etc.? Are you able to deal with potential birth defects? An amazingly high number of my acquaintances had to deal with things that I am humbled in gratitude for not having to consider. Being a parent has the potential both for great joy and great pain. And either way, great stress.
poster:Dinah
thread:998481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20110910/msgs/998537.html