Posted by alexandra_k on June 13, 2009, at 20:00:22
In reply to Balancing acceptance and change, posted by Deneb on June 13, 2009, at 19:03:46
I still have thoughts of the form 'I just want to die' and 'I wish I could just curl up and die' and 'I hate myself' and mental pictures of my slashing my arms when things aren't going well for me. I think that mostly it is just a habit of thought - the way things are naturally set up for me now. I know I used to get kinda hung up on that - in thinking that that was what I really wanted to do. Now I think it is less about what I really want to do and more about the way that my body signals distress to me. Instead of my naturally thinking 'I'm really upset about x' I just get mental pictures of me slashing my arms.
One of the things that was really helpful to me was people (therapists included) not focusing so much on the surface morphology of what I was saying. I don't mean ignoring my significant distress - I mean them realizing that that was the way that my significant distress manifests. Over time I've made progress on 'Oh, I feel like slashing my arms or curling up and dying - I guess that means I'm upset about something. What am I upset about? What is going on for me?' Figuring that out can be really hard. Often the only easy part (the only way that I can realize that I actually am distressed) is noticing that I am thinking about how to hurt / kill myself.
It is hard to talk about what is distressing if you simply don't know. I think that you have been making progress on this (me too) but it really can be very hard when your body is so used to manifesting distress in that way. I think that sometimes people think that the best they can do to help is try and get you to call your p-doc or call crisis (because they appreciate that things must be bad if those are the thoughts / feelings you are having). Trouble is that what can your p-doc or crisis services do? Focus less on the surface morphology and try and help you put some words to what is going on, I guess. It is a shame that we can't help do that here. I guess it is hard for everyone, just that everyones hurt and upset manifests in slightly different ways, or something. I don't know.
I think people mean well and are trying to help. But everyone has their own road, I don't know. I thought DBT was the answer to everything for a while there. I've since read a whole bunch of stuff on mentalization based treatment etc etc etc. Other forms of treatment are doing well as well. Linehan said that she wasn't sure what the mechanisms were that resulted in DBT being effective (the most effective form of therapy for a time). She was open to the possibility that it rejuvinated therapists and gave them hope that they could help. I don't know. I think part of it is about when you feel really upset / get images of hurting yourself / think you have a desire to hurt yourself to say to yourself 'gee I must be feeling really very bad right now. Something must be going on. I wonder what it is that I'm feeling upset about?' Can take very many cognitive steps to get to there...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:900820
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090604/msgs/900829.html