Posted by ClearSkies on August 18, 2005, at 16:17:13
In reply to Re: Disordered all other the place, too many board » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on August 18, 2005, at 13:43:12
Your post, as always, made me think. Now my brain hurts. The structure at work was what I ultimately found beyond my capabilities, as well as the "nowhere to hide" aspect of the position.
My suspicion is that I'm experiencing the full extent of being bipolar2. That my period of doing well, having motivation, getting out and doing things and being almost-sort of-not quite productive was inevitably going to be followed by my irrational thoughts, anger directed tilting at windmills, televisions, or my husband, then the fall into depression and the pit of alcohol. This is the first time I've been consciously aware of the cycle, though I have been through it many times before. I have been fired exactly 4 times during that irrational, angry phase; and I know that part of my "courage" to end my first marriage also came during a manic period.
So at least I have gained some introspection in this latest spiral dance. Also I'm finally on a mood stabilizer, though obviously not on it properly. I did manage to stay awake all afternoon by changing the timing of my dosage of Topamax today.
I can even say that I feel a bit better than when I posted earlier today. That's a good thing, right?
BTW when I was briefly on top of the world (I think it was last week), I was certain I could volunteer and teach the entire state to read AND learn English as a second language. Oh, and I'm redecorating a bathroom.
That last bit seems feasible.
Yours in babbleness,
CS
poster:ClearSkies
thread:543446
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050813/msgs/543529.html