Posted by ClearSkies on August 18, 2005, at 10:37:02
OK.
The increase in Topamax is going Strangely. I can't sleep at night, I doze during the day - hello, timing, anyone? - I can't remember how many and when of those little buggers I have taken. Is my mood stable? Got me. Are my thoughts more rational? Er, nope. I'm not aware of doing much thinking.
I must have a defective wagon because I fell off it again. Not in a spectacular way, but I am so disappointed in myself, ashamed at not being able to resist something as simple as a cocktail. Eh? What do they put in them to make them so addictive? Does wonders for a foundering self esteem. Oh, and it has set off my depression in a predictable way, tears tears tears. It is taking me a while to calm down from this hysteria and I have no confidence that I can keep straight.
Not working is letting me isolate in a beautiful way. I make my bed every day. I can't be bothered to watch day time TV. The news scares the heck out of me. I am distressed by the ever increasing body count in Iraq and Afganistan; the Gaza strip unrest makes me weep to watch the newsreel footage. I can't be bothered to listen to music, so I sit in silence, read when I am able. My pictures are lined up perfectly on my walls. My cat is groomed. My laundry is folded. Such progress. Yet I have been trying for 2 hours to leave the house to buy groceries. It isn't happening, folks. Not soon.
My husband is coming to my next therapist appointment on Tuesday as I'm convinced he is not comprehending my illness and doesn't show much interest in doing so. He is not a demonstrative chap and I'm ever so needy right now, as you can tell. A poor combination. I am nervous and he seems uneasy, though heaven forbid we actually talk about anything.
That's me, but I'm not changing my name.
poster:ClearSkies
thread:543446
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050813/msgs/543446.html