Posted by rainbowbrite on May 1, 2005, at 18:20:25
In reply to Re: Nah Im not » rainbowbrite, posted by gardenergirl on May 1, 2005, at 12:03:51
> And I know we all say reach out to others, but I suppose what we really mean is reach to someone who will reach back. And it's hard to know that until you try. But do keep trying.
I was reaching out to someone who should have reached back LOL well not literally, but it was my pdoc. I guess I am not very good at expressing myself clearly when Im upset and I often am a bit panicky.
So Im kinda just a goofy person who sees a pdoc for pills that I dont even want to take. But my pdoc doesnt seem to think I need anything else. yes, its not a T but still. Every once in awhile I really really need soemone. I hate that feeling and recently it has been all to often.
So when I reach out to my pdoc and say I need you cause I feel sort of edgy/upset or what ever... I think my pdoc should drop everything for ME (lol kidding of course) but I do expect an appointment. MAybe Im setting my standards too high??
I feel rejected by the family I have chosen to open up to so I give up there. And when I opened up to a friend once about something I dont talk about, it changed our relationship for awhile because I think she saw me as weaker than before and well...I dont know, that sucked! So thats all I meant about it being over rated but I still think it is a little disapointing.
I think I come accross too many superficial people so maybe thats part of it. Or maybe Im projecting.
This board is my support emotionally and that kinda scares me a little. IRL people cant handle emotions I find (Ahhh but again maybe Im projecting). Especially when I dont come accross right
> And about not taking your meds...well, I know that's a personal choice. But I am reminded of a time recently when you were feeling very overwhelmed, and you were not on your meds at the time. Can they perhaps be adjusted so you gain more benefit from them rather than going off?
:-) Yeah you remember correctly.
Its that much worse knowing that I may need them forever. I am giving myself a deadline and if I can beat this feeling (emotions are just much more intense than before and Im assuming that is normal for a little while anyway) than I will feel like I finally accomplished something worthwhile and not have to go back up.
BUt if I find it is too debilitating I think I will give in and raise the dose.People dont understand medication at all and my motivation for going off is not becasue of others it is all my reasons but the opinions others so kindly share are sooooo annoying!! Its very hard to hide pills when people are in your place especially when you are scatterbrained like me LOL I have had some embarrassing moments with pills lying around.
> Hang in there. You'll get through this stress, too. And it's perfectly okay to be vulnerable and to express your fears and negative emotions in a safe place. I think Babble can be that. And journalling is good too. Even rocks have cracks and scars and such. That's what makes each one beautiful.
Thanks so much :-) I really appreciate your response.
Sometimes I feel like I sound like an airhead and that I should just avoid saying anything at all. But I am one and thats ok, Im comfortable with who I am lol but others may not be. I would probably lose my kids at an amusement park lol if I had any becasue I would get distracted with all to see :-P
But part of my ditziness is that I am vague Although still I find I dont often make much sense LOL
.....blah blah blah. I talk to much!But did that even make sense...:-P
Thanks!
PS- did you find a dress yet?
poster:rainbowbrite
thread:490959
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050426/msgs/492443.html