Posted by tinydancer on March 13, 2004, at 5:41:40
I barely have the energy to type this, but I've found so much comfort and compassion at these boards that I turn to you all for some sense of friendship, since in my life I have none. I feel like I can't depend on anyone. Or rather, I depend on everyone and they all let me down. It seems like no one has time for me. I can't do anything or get anything done and feel like a complete failure. I'm so depressed and I don't even know exactly why. Life has lost its colors, everything is just far away and out of reach. Inside I hurt so much and long for anything that can take away the pain even for a little while. I don't have any kind of stregnth to withstand the bad things. I feel like I crashed and landed on the asphalt, laying there, paralyzed with people just staring at me, and walking by. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to make anyone's life worse. I don't want to bother, or burden anyone. I see the years and years of therapy piling up like a stack of dusty books and desperately want to see some progress, but instead I just feel the problems are growing even bigger and I'm slipping even deeper into the hole. Everything hurts, from top to toe. Nobody can help me. And then if I choose to expose myself through these words, the end result is simply that I'm just being pathetic, and giving in, and its just a hysterically humorous apocalyptic view of everything. I feel so alone in the world, and I can't do anything to help myself. I don't want to lay in bed anymore and cry in pain. I don't want to be passive and give up, but I don't have any resources left. I really am all alone. I don't want to bring you all down but this is it, the last place I've got where anyone cares.
poster:tinydancer
thread:323873
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040305/msgs/323873.html