Posted by zenhussy on July 6, 2003, at 22:29:05
In reply to Re: Meet RACER: Poster Child For Mental Health ; ) » zenhussy, posted by Racer on July 6, 2003, at 22:00:04
> Only thing I worry about with the booze, Miss ZenHussy, is that it does diminish inhibitions. I know that drinking helps me decide that dying is easier than living, and at times I've opened bottles specifically to make it possible to carry out my plans. If you're not in that place, then just be careful it doesn't escort you to that place.
>
> Otherwise, I can only recommend lifting a glass, and wishing comfort and love to a little eight year old girl who's lost her father.I hear you on the lowering of inhibitions. I'm not currently in that space but when I am in that space of choosing when to die I do have a large support network set up and various forms of help lined up to keep me from seeing any of my best laid plans come to fruition. There are even a couple of people who would step on a plane to come kick my ass should I be in that dark 'I want death' hole. I know that sounds counterproductive but for me it lets me know people do care enough to travel to get angry with me for not trying other things before throwing in the towel.
No glasses lifted tonight. Made a good supper for mum and myself. Walked the dog for the next door neighbour, a kind woman in her eighties who is currently ill so she can't get out to walk her little dog. Cleaned up the kitchen. Did some laundry for mum. Got a box together and some newspapers to begin packing the stuff that won't fit in luggage to ship home through snail mail. Have drawn up a bath that is calling out my name. A tub without a bottle of wine? Yeah. It IS possible and rather nice to know I am not 'needing' the booze to get through but instead just being a twit with the nightly drinking over the past couple of weeks.
I gladly accept the comfort and love for my inner eight year old who NEEDS to grieve terribly and at least I have begun.
Now for you I wish peace and strength for sticking around until your head is clearer and then make your big decisions.
Huzzorama with a touch of zen
poster:zenhussy
thread:239637
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239769.html