Posted by Penny on June 27, 2003, at 8:17:56
In reply to Re: Therapists - Past and Future » Penny, posted by fallsfall on June 26, 2003, at 23:34:15
Well, it's all a learning experience, right? Perhaps now is a wonderful time for a therapist change for you, since you and your former therapist seem to not be in sync as much as you were perhaps in the beginning.
I was only with my former therapist for a little over three years, so I can only partially relate to what you're going through. What I can tell you is that I did border on what I would consider 'obsessive' with her for a while, when she was expecting her baby, as I felt extreme jealousy, of both her as a mom and the baby, for having her as a mom. I found out where she lived and then told her, as I felt really guilty, and I think I freaked her out, though she said she got over it. I never have, however, still can't forgive myself for invading her privacy. What I didn't tell her and didn't tell my new therapist (!) is that I drove by her house one time, just to see what it looked like. I only got a glance as I wouldn't let myself slow down for fear of being noticed. And that bothered me even more. Not that I EVER would have gone to her house or mailed her something there or gone to that extreme in invading her privacy, but I felt as if I had already overstepped the boundaries and I still suffer from extreme guilt over the whole thing, even though she's no longer my therapist!
The good part? I don't have the same obsession with my new therapist. I think it's partly because she's been more forthcoming with information about herself. I know more about her. She doesn't hide things from me. I mean, I knew things about my former therapist, and the fact that she had a baby that was always present in the room with us while she was pregnant made it that much worse. I knew she was married, found out (again, probably against her wishes) where her husband worked (there was even a picture of him on his company website), knew about her kids though never had the nerve to ask her daughter's name (but she said her name one time without really thinking, and I found out her son's name when he was born). But I didn't really know much else about her. I knew where she lived before NC and where she went to school and the professional stuff, but that was about it.
This time, I know more about my therapist, though not REALLY personal stuff like about her family life and all (I know she's divorced, has an adult child though I haven't asked whether a son or daughter, I know she's an only child), but I know other things that she's shared with me through anecdotes about girl scouts and whatnot. And I know about her hobbies and outside interests somewhat, which makes me feel closer to her. So I guess I don't have the same need to know about where she lives and things like that.
IMO, it almost makes the dependency problem worse when they try to hide things from you. I mean, I understand their need for privacy and boundaries and all, but it just, for me, makes me that much more intrigued and curious and makes me more likely to research them on my own, which then leads to me finding out things they probably wish I didn't know.
My pdoc, on the other hand, has been extremely forthcoming with information about his personal life - about his family, his hobbies, some about his childhood, his frustrations, etc., and I like knowing those things. I guess in some cases it could be weird, but he really knows me, knows I'm not some psychopath who would hunt him down or anything, and clearly doesn't feel uncomfortable with me knowing personal information about him. I mean, he doesn't get TOO personal or anything, but I feel like I know him pretty well.
Guess it just all depends.
Anyway, I'm excited for you with your new therapist and this new venture. I think it will be a really positive thing.
Penny
poster:Penny
thread:237299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/237466.html