Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2003, at 9:28:02
In reply to Re: self-injury/suicide only options??, posted by syringachalet on March 22, 2003, at 0:18:43
> Our goal is to keep the client functioning within the community in the least restrictive environemt as safely possible.
>Syringachalet,
May I ask you about that statement if you don't mind? I've always found that to be my therapist's goal. Keeping me functioning is the supreme goal. And to some extent that makes me almost murderously (towards myself of course) angry at times. Because it seems as though the pain doesn't matter as long as I'm functioning. Which may be my distorted perception stemming from that pain.
It leads to some pretty nasty thoughts about how no one really cares I feel as long as I "act" ok. Thoughts that have plagued me since my breakdown as a preteen. When I started pretending to be ok, stopped causing trouble for my parents, everyone was happy. Everyone but me. Even though I tried to convey in every way I could short of misbehaving like I had previously (in other words I functioned) that I was NOT ok, that I was in incredible pain, no one listened or it seemed, cared as long as I was no trouble. As long as I kept the false self firmly in place.
None of this is directed of course to you, and of course stems from long - long standing resentments and buried anger.
But as someone who works in this area, and whose words are similar to what I've detected in my helpers and my parents and, well, everyone do you think you could give me some insight into the way of thinking. Some insight into how my thoughts may be distorted?
Thanks,
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:211231
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030322/msgs/211380.html