Posted by Miller on January 4, 2003, at 10:48:12
In reply to Re: Miller..., posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 22:42:26
Dinah,
I have read your response many times. The reason I kept re-reading it was to try to understand why a therapist who is good enough to make you comfortable and maintain a relationship with you for so long could have "forgotten" something which was so important to you.
Here is my thought. The only time I was VERY angry with my shrink, I told him I was mad because he never takes my despeartion seriously. To me, I felt as if he was minimizing my feelings. When he and I discussed it, it was a total miscommunication. Here's why: when I would tell him how bad I felt and why I felt that way, he would simply agree or ask other questions. To me, that meant he was "blowing it off". To him, he said he was totally understanding why I felt that way and didn't need "convincing". He accepted the feelings as ligitimate. WHen I pressed the issue and asked why he wasn't helping me with my desperations he had a very important explaination.
He said he sees our relationship as if he is in a boat supervising me. I am swimming. He will be there if I get into trouble, too tired to continue, or begin to go under the water. However, what he has seen from me is that I am in a panic, flailing my arms, and begging for help. I am in a foot of water. He is watching me, but has faith that I will discover that I can touch land and be able to help myself.
Whay did I tell you all of this? After thinking about your post, I am wondering if the conversation left his mind because 1) he isn't planning on terminated the relationship 2) he has faith that although you may feel dependant on him, you may be stronger than you are giving yourself credit for 3) he may not have realized that the arrangements meant more to you than reassurance. When you spoke with him, he may have realized you were serious (at that point) but assumed the arrangements were being discussed for reassurance purposes, being he is not planning a departure from you.
Are you in two feet of water in fear of drowning? Are you hurt because he forgot or because the arrangements may not be kept if he does leave? Are the arrangements REALLY still necessary?
Please don't take offense to anything I wrote. I could be way off base. It certainly wouldn't be the first time. I really think there is probably more to your anger than you may be acknowledging.
And, one last thing. I am pretty sure you were the one that reminded me that there is no way a therapist can know what is going on unless you give him all the facts.
-Miller
poster:Miller
thread:34477
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030104/msgs/34535.html