Posted by kiddo on February 15, 2002, at 19:09:43
In reply to Re: grraaaaarrrh » kiddo, posted by m3 on February 15, 2002, at 17:48:59
Thanks for the compliment, that lifted my mood a bit. Boy, the 'stories' or examples I could give...
When you see something that remotely resembles what you're experiencing, it makes you feel less alienated, at least that's how I feel. I also think it helps me when people give examples because often it does spark something for me. I like the list and bullet format myself, and probably read something..I read a LOT of techie stuff :-)
As for #2- When I first started therapy, I felt nothing, and I mean that literally. It was like I was dead, there was no feeling at all, not even my daughter. I was suicidal the entire time I was awake. I hated myself, and I don't mean just physical appearance-everything there was about me. I left my home to ONLY see my pdoc, nowhere else.
Now I have feelings about everything, I'm not suicidal anymore, I've accepted about 1/4-1/2 of the things about me, I'm attending college via online courses and take Tae Kwon Do; and although their private lessons, at least I leave my home, right? :-) Those may not be major to some, but to me they are.
Oh does he ever try to piss me off, sometimes it's unbelievable how much he can make me see red. Although I can't name specifics right now (it's been awhile) he'll challenge everything I say. Regardless of what it is-he'll have some way to provoke a response.
He's also quick to remind me of the progress I've made, tells me he's proud of that progress, and if I question it, he'll go down the list I just gave you...well, isn't it true that...? I'm sure there are others as well.
You aren't being intrusive, and they aren't pesky questions...IMO. I'm glad I can give a response.
Kiddo
> Hi kiddo, pleased to make your acquaintance :) I've read some of your other posts, while in lurk mode, and liked them.
>
> It's reassuring that somebody else has been through something similar, and some of the reasons you listed did resonate. (I loved the list format, btw--as a former tech writer I adore bulleted/numbered lists!)
>
> re #2: Can I ask how you identify the major improvements you said you'd made in therapy? I guess I have an inkling that I do some things differently now than I would have, but couldn't really nail down a major improvement.
>
> When your pdoc does try to get you to react, does it take the form of trying to piss you off or is it something else?
>
> I really appreciate that you put so much thought into your answer...answers to all my pesky questions are welcomed but I don't mean to be intrusive.
>
> cheers
> m3
>
> > 1.) Either my current challenges have become 'easy', and the level needs to be raised.
> >
> > 2.) I'm depressed, and feel therapy isn't working (which it has, I've made major improvements since the beginning) and need to reflect on those accomplishments, be reassured that I'm not wasting my time, and a lot of money.
> >
> > 3.) The meds I'm on aren't working as they should and adjustments need to be made.
> >
> > 4.) I'm dealing with issues that need to be addressed either in my home life or therapy. (Sometimes it takes a lot of 'reflecting' to figure out which)
> >
> > 5.) Something my pdoc has said, done, etc., has triggered something from my past and I need to deal with that.
> >
> > 6.) I am ticked off at my pdoc for some reason.
> >
> > My pdoc has, on several occasions, tried to get me to react (most of the times successfully) if I'm in that frame of mind.
> >
> > Do you think she knows you well? She may have been trying to get you to react/respond because anger is a great motivator (at least for me). Anger will do a lot more than depression, and if you are angry-with her, or whatever, you seem to forget about the depression-at least for the moment....
> >
> > I think you need to let her know exactly how you feel about feeling manipulated, disrespected, and betrayed. That's important, in my opinion.
> >
> > I'm not sure I can answer that for you; regarding whether or not you should accept that or not. However, you shouldn't just accept feeling the way you said....
> >
> > I'm pretty blunt with my pdoc and if I feel that way, he'll know pretty quick, and we talk about it.
> >
> > I'd write down the questions you asked the group, and ask her as well. You have every right to ask any questions regarding your treatment, and she shouldn't have any trouble answering her motives for her line of questioning...maybe she thinks you do have problems with therapy being ineffective at the moment, and had no ulterior motive in asking..
> >
> > I know that probably didn't help much, but I hope so...
> >
> > I'm sure someone else on the board will be able to add a lot more insight...
> >
> >
> > Good luck-
> > Kiddo
> >
poster:kiddo
thread:18297
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020214/msgs/18383.html