Posted by mist on February 15, 2002, at 15:45:46
In reply to grraaaaarrrh, posted by m3 on February 15, 2002, at 0:59:55
m3,
I had a therapist who did the same thing to me and I felt similar to the way you do about it.
I didn't necessarily think it was manipulative, though, but I felt she was trying to put a feeling into me that simply wasn't there. I was frustrated with the fact that I wasn't making more progress but I didn't blame her. In fact, I had appreciated what I had gained from therapy (self-knowledge) and her support and assistance with working out solutions to problems.
I was angry at her at a later point because I felt that there were things she should have done and didn't (like giving me more feedback—including answering questions I asked instead of evading them—and acknowledging her own limitations), but not at that time. To me it's a matter of respect—the therapist should respect what the client feels when they feel it. I felt she wasn't listening to me. She wasn't seeing who I was. I also felt she was wasting my precious, expensive time in therapy when I needed to talk about other things.
I also don't believe that just having an object to be angry at necessarily helps to alleviate depression. And even if it does, there are real objects. If someone is angry there is a real cause for it. No need to invent one. -mist
> I have a question for other people in talk therapy (guessing there are at least a few on this board). I just went for one of my fifty-minute hours, and my shrink and I were talking about how restless I felt and how I was tired of being depressed and tired of being in therapy (background: I've been seeing her for about 11 mos, we generally get along pretty well).
>
> Toward the end of the session she took up the theme of whether I was angry with her because the treatment has been ineffective (this has come up before). I told her that I didn't directly feel that way, though it might be causing some of my restlessness. We continued to discuss it, and she again asked if I was annoyed with her. I got the idea she wanted me to be annoyed with her. She kept pushing me in that direction. I finally became annoyed because I felt manipulated. I accused her of manipulating me, and she didn't exactly respond.
>
> Nobody likes feeling manipulated, and I accept that it sometimes happens in therapy, but I really feel disrespected and betrayed right now.
>
> So my question for the community of the being-shrunk is, is this fair? Am I supposed to play along and try to accept that she has the right to do things like this? Has this ever happened to you? What gives?
poster:mist
thread:18297
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020214/msgs/18363.html