Posted by Mair on January 9, 2002, at 16:25:25
In reply to Re: Katey, a question » Mair, posted by Katey on January 7, 2002, at 21:55:10
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"i tend to make my own dr's appts and generally pay the copay. last fall when i decided that i needed to try and tackle this thing head on, i made my own appointment, and didnt tell my parents. i left the copy of the record for the insurance company on the counter. they werent too happy with me. i usually pay for most of my meds too."That's really pretty impressive, but maybe your parents actually wished you needed them more. It's great that you take this responsibility on but it may contribute to a feeling on their part that there's nothing they can do for you.
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"gets mad at me because i 'frustrate her', which i can understand,"We all frustrate the hell out of ourselves, so I guess it's understandable that we frustrate others too.
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>" i realize that in the real world, time doesnt stop for me, but a little understanding would be nice. when i was on effexor and just prozac, my appetite dropped off, so everynite she would ask me if i was going to eat- before or after work, and she would offer to make something. she blew up when i told her that some of my jeans were too big, especially the ones that we bought a couple months ago. my father says its her way of caring."Your Dad may be right. Parents live in active fear that their daughters will be anorexic and mothers frequently try to counteract that feeling of powerlessness with food.
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> " that tends to be how big things get done in this house when it comes to my 'illness' that neither of them ever talks about to any of their friends."I'm not one to talk here since I've been very tight-lipped about my own illness, but I think this is a big mistake. When my son was 9 he developed some terrible anxieties. It took my husband and I much too long to pick up on it and realize that this wasn't just a stage he'd outgrow. We eventually got him some very effective therapy. My husband didn't want to tell any of our friends about it and I went along with this but felt later that this was a huge mistake for me. I really needed someone other than my husband to help me process this and worry about my son was probably one of many triggers for my own depression.
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>" my parents are also highly skeptical, when i told my mom that the pdoc thought i was probably ADD, she said 'i dont believe you' straight to my face. my father didnt really agree with it either, simply because i wasnt being obnoxious and bouncing off the walls."I think we could all use alot of educating about ADD since it's so closely identified with young uncontrollable boys. Maybe you should have your parents come to a session with your pdoc so he could explain it to them.
> "i do think that sometimes they wish i was had leukemia, or something normal, physical, and visible because then it wouldnt be so shameful to talk about it."
I can absolutely guarantee to you that this isn't the case. Nothing is more frightening to parents than cancer (well maybe teen auto crashes too). It has occurred to me though that depression is like having cancer only you can't tell anyone. It's every bit as life threatening, and you need that same level of support, but can't seem to ask for it. Your parents may feel frustrated that they have no one to look for to support them (much less you). It's too bad that they haven't found a way to reach out for that support.
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Do you have friends who help you out with this? Are you in therapy with your pdoc, or do you have a therapist at all?Mair (continuing to intrude)
poster:Mair
thread:16214
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020102/msgs/16556.html