Posted by ELA on January 4, 2002, at 4:41:57
In reply to Don't Want To Be Little Again, posted by IsoM on January 3, 2002, at 15:15:18
I can identify with this. My father had a loveless childhood and to this day he can barely speak to his mother. My childhood was filled with the fear of not living up to his expectations of me and doing things that he wanted me to do whether I wanted them or not.
Only now at 20 years of age have I begun to get out and do things for myself and try and move on from all the painful memories I have. I look at the children I am teaching who seem not to have a care in the world. At 5 years old I would hope that they didn't as well! Maybe it's not that i want to be little again, I'd just like to escape into their world when things get bad for me.
> I'm still little. I tell people who know me well that I'm still ten years old in my heart - & I am. I still try to catch moths, will run nto the house with a new, pretty bug to show my sons, I'll still roll in the grass 'cause it feels good.
>
> Sad thing is when I was young, my fears & worries were very real to me. I had a very domineering father who punished the smallest mistakes we made. Being the only girl in a family of boys didn't get me any extra privileges either. My father thought girls didn't count. I honestly remember hiding a heavy metal vase in bed beside me at night to club him with if I needed to.
>
> I know now (he passed away in '88) he never really meant any harm. He just had a brutal, hard life & didn't know how to give love. But when I was small & he'd "prowl" around our beds at night, I though he meant to kill us - honestly! I found out years later, he was just checking to make sure we were properly covered & tucked in but he never showed love so I was terified of him. We all were.
>
> My Mom on the other hand, was so sweet & patient with us all. My father never held me or gave me hug or kiss, even when I was little but my Mom showered us with love. To her, us kids were the best thing in the world. I thank her all the time for it.
>
> Sorry to get so off-track from the original post about wanting to be a little kid again, but I'd never want to go back. I prefer my "childhood" now.
poster:ELA
thread:16214
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020102/msgs/16252.html